AIBU to be upset over SIL 3 for 2 present comments.

[Betty162]

Am I being over sensitive or should I be upset over SIL comments?
Basically, yesterday my DH had a conversation with his sister on the phone in the car ( she didn't know that I was in the car) regarding our other SIL( married to their brother). She said that SIL had slagged me off all night when they were out because I had sent her daughter (who I last saw 3 years ago )some of that 3for 2 crap again from my present cupboard. I do normally buy this daughter something in the sale, but something for twice the price that I would normally spend, so this year I gave her the ladies Jack Wills set which would have cost £40 at full price plus a small selection box.we were also going to host NY for BIL and SIL i.e. Taking them out for a meal and we have already booked and paid for a hotel for them to stay over ! I feel extremely hurt and want to cancel NY with them.

I don't get the sale snobbery. Why the hell would I buy make up and skin care for my relatives I won't see until the New Year at full price?

I wasn't opposed to buying in a sale at all if you think carefully and buy something the person will really appreciate.

I was opposed to buying generic stuff and then keeping it for a year. Boots toiletries really don't keep as they are cheap to begin with (all about the packaging not the toiletry product). They separate out- the soap and glory smells awful when it goes off.

If you've put thought into a present then that's fine. I often think lots of presents are given without any thought and end up a wasteful. I personally would prefer no present than something that's had zero thought. Each year I'm given a gift set as a present by my bil. He's lovely so I don't object at all but I always feel bad as I never end up using the hand creams and body creams etc. So it feels a waste for him to spend his money on it. If you thought of her last year in the sales then don't worry as its a genuine present. Definitely rude of them to be commenting on it though and I can understand why you're so hurt.

Why would you buy something for a close family member in the sale?

What? If I wanted a chloe perfume (for example) I wouldn't kick off because DH found it £20 cheaper in the sale as long as it was all legit. I would be happy I got the gift I wanted and glad he hadn't basically given away £20.

I wouldn't buy make up and toiletries that would be a year out of date before being given. Especially cheaper brands which generally have shorter shelf lives and deteriorate quicker.

Neither you dh's SIL or sister sound like nice people. His sister should have told SIL to behave and not passed the comments back to dh. That kind of gossip just damages families. SIL should have accepted the present graciously and niece could have regifted/binned if she didn't like it.

For the sack of family harmony I would forget the conversation, other than to buy the niece something different next year, perhaps a gift card?

issue and not buy them any pressies any more if they don't like thm. Well said Devilish.

How bloody rude and ungrateful a person you must be to be such a snob about presents to and not have the good grace to just say "thank you very much for my present, I really appreciate it".

If my children were ever like that I'd blinking well marmalise them, and any adult being like that needs a kick up the backside. OP is shopping sensible and thinking of including everyone who needs a present and making sure she can afford a present for everyone. How that can be wrong I do not know. Apparently it can be but only if you're some kind of brand snob.

I honestly struggle with such ungratefulness and rudeness with respect to perfectly acceptable presents brought for someone at someone else's expense. Talk about ungracious.

Upset at receiving a decent but "last years " present off a person she hasn't seen for 3 years

Wow some people are spoilt

Honestly they sound like a rotten bunch to be so unkind. I am not great with confrontation, so if it were me, I'd leave it and next year give them all gift vouchers rather than taking time and effort to find such generous and kind gifts. No doubt they will have a bitch about the gift vouchers, but I get the feeling you are not going to please this lot regardless. Your time and effort is better spent on kinder people. Sending hugs xx

I honestly struggle with such ungratefulness and rudeness with respect to perfectly acceptable presents brought for someone at someone else's expense. Talk about ungracious.

Ok. My DD was the eldest child and eldest girl in a large family. When she hit 11 the toys stopped and the gift sets started. Loads of them- almost all boots- often toiletries. Usually pink.

She has eczema and can't use any. She had a very distinct style- it didn't include pink. She is the sweetest child on earth. She always said thank-you. If they were current year they were returned (although as in sale got a fraction back compared to what was spent). If they were last years then bin if they were off or to the charity she volunteers for.

So often no gift at all for her in the end. We asked them to stop gift giving- time and time again.. They wouldnt- we love buying gifts for girls as we don't have any was the response. Loads were clearly regifted.

Then the boys hit teens. A few random deodorant sets but mostly game card etc. So each year she go Boots 3 for 2 random tat and they got cash or gift vouchers. Boys never seem to get recycled gifts but it seems acceptable for girls/women

Probably 6 years of thoughtless useless gifts. Should she really be grateful? Grateful that the giver didn't really give a thought about her but pulled an old item out of the cupboard.

She is so polite. She always thanked them. She wrote thank-you notes but my heart sank each time I saw the green present sticker emerge from a box. I felt really sorry for her. £1000s of wasted pounds over the years.

better to give nothing than give a thoughtless gift.

Cancel nye. Say you all have a bug then go and stay in the hotel you bought for them.

I'm chuckling at the general hate for the 3 for 2 gifts. I'll admit to using them as top-ups, bad gift giver slaps own wrist. Some people probably use them as a relatively affordable means of getting something they think is nice for the thousands of people they think they should give a gift to.

SIL on the phone sounds like a grade 1 pot stirrer and SIL with the daughter sounds like an ungrateful, entitled, grabby cow. I'd do NYE with your DH and stuff them all.

Not much jollity from Christmasjolity

To be honest, your SILs sound as bad as each other. One for moaning about the presents, and the other for passing on that message to you/your DH.

I would have let her know I was in the car there and then

There is nothing on earth that would stop me from having it out with both SILs if I am honest, because what is the alternative op?

The alternative is that you end up feeling crap about YOURSELF, when it is those two snarky cows that are in the wrong

There are several things I would want to get to the bottom of:-

1. SIL 1 - she is far from innocent (The one who told you) why is she shit stirring? how often are you getting slagged off when your husband talks to his family? Why does she feel comfortable enough to slag you off to your husband? I would never trust her again and I would struggle to trust my husband if I knew people were comfortable enough to say bad things about me to him. Why is he not sticking up for you??! Is this the first time a member of his family has slagged u off whilst he stands idly by - you will never know

2)SIL2 - I would never purchase a gift for her or her family again, and I would tell her why! What kind of person IS she?

I would cancel NYE and tell her why there is no way I would spend such a special night with this gonad

As you can tell I am all bout venting if someone has p1ssed me off, I don't believe in internalizing issues if someone has wronged me, I bloody well let them knw

You haven't seen their dd for some years yet you're spending NYE with your sil? Odd. At 18, I would defo send money. It's all I do unless I've asked the parents of younger kids very detailed questions on likes/dislikes and what they already have.

christmas its differnet if someone allergic but should she be grateful still

yes-its how you bring up children

taking it all back for a refund is just rude

I would have been tempted to shout "Hi Janet*!" into the phone while your husband was taking the call.
(*insert sil's name)

I don't get the hate for 3 for 2 gift sets either . They're not appropriate for allergies/eczema sufferers of course but I've received some lovely sets of hair treatments I can't usually afford, Nivea creams and nice Dove shower gels which I'll use. It's not tat.

Not much jollity from Christmasjolity hmm

Loads now are we have stemmed the tat stream very effectively.

We all just need less stuff in our lives. Buy less, gift less. Not a hard concept.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties I would so have done the same

I would ask if she would prefer not to do presents next year as she was so unhappy with the ones they got this year

Definitely do this ^^

As for new year - cancel Sils and invite some lovely friends instead

Boots toiletries really don't keep as they are cheap to begin with

No they aren't. They sell branded products. Most of them made by the same people in the same factories who produce 'higher end' stuff.

If someone is expecting Chanel or Creme de la Mer from me they are going to be sorely disappointed anyway.

More exclusive products are far more likely to degrade over time than the cheaper stuff. They don't use so many preservatives.

12 month old, unopened, Jack Wills, FCUK and Sanctuary will not have gone off.

You are making excuses for your own snobbery.

This year DH instructed me not to buy presents for two of his brothers/their kids as I have always bought them thoughtful, appropriate gifts every birthday and Christmas for years, although our own two DCs get nothing from them, not even a card. I have never had thanks for presents I've sent, it has always ended up DH phoning to see if their gifts arrived (they live in Ireland) and then we get a "yeah, thanks" at most.
His other DB is a different story altogether. Our DCs always get phone calls/cards/presents from him and SIL and we have always reciprocated with their DCs (and never have to ring to see if they've received them!) so will continue the tradition.
However, one of the BILs for whom DH told me not to buy a present called him before Christmas to say "I suppose you've left our presents with DM" as he hadn't yet received anything. Cue hasty arranging of tins of biscuits to be delivered to him and other BIL, which I'm sure will be deemed below our usual standard of gift but I can't say I'm particularly bothered. Once I would have ignored DH and continued buying gifts for all and sundry, but now I just don't really care. Buying 'the right gift' is a minefield best avoided and it's very liberating not buying loads of presents any more!
You can't choose your family...

But 3 for 2 isn't really is it? They put all prices up high and then do 3 for 2. Boots make money not give freebies away. Overpriced in first place.

I've never seen shower gel 'go off'. Serums with active ingredients, sure, but I've got stockpiled Soap & Glory stuff from ages ago and it's all absolutely fine.

Anyway, one item in the 3 for 2 isn't free - they're all 1/3 off. It's not like one item gets stamped with 'THIS ONE WAS FREE, LOVE FROM CHEAPSKATE SANTA', is it?

No they aren't. They sell branded products. Most of them made by the same people in the same factories who produce 'higher end' stuff.

SLG devise many of the 'designer range items' for Boots. Its a licensing thing, super dry, zoella, laura ashley, top gear, The higher end companies just provide the names not the products. The boots gift sets that are unique to them come from the same manufacturers/distributors. They are only 'branded' because boots/their suppliers buy the right to use the brand name - think about it- many of them are only sold in Boots.

Boots bought the soap and glory rights in 2014. Joules, laura ashley toiletries etc- all primarily sold through Boots- these companies didn't make toiletries that Boots/their suppliers then approached them to sell- the names are licensed and the toiletry companies -some closely linked to Boots used their brand names and developed the toiletry ranges.

Laura Ashley was developed as a Boots exclusive range originally. Some ranges are now sold elsewhere but many were were developed primarily for Boots.

They were never really £15 each- they were always designed to be sold on a 3 for 2 offer. Its the ultimate marketing trick.

Soap and Glory goes off really badly. It isn't an excuse for snobbery. They are cheap products- they don't claim to be anything else. If you think that they are not then you have fallen for the marketing hype.

Sanctuary Spa is made by Cussons.

Presumably the niece was upset & it's not just her mother taking umbrage unnecessarily?

Surely if your DC doesn't like a gift they receive you teach them that it's the thought that counts, you've got lots of other nice gifts etc etc you don't act like a child yourself and make a fuss!

For balance. Molton Brown also goes off really badly. Fades and loses its scent really quickly unless wrapped and stored in the dark.