Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner doesn't want me to be on fb?

143 replies

Breakingbadjesse · 20/12/2016 20:23

So basically I re opened my fb account a few months ago. He isn't on there, that I know of - he thinks it's pointless.
He particularly doesn t like a pic I have as my profile pic, I am wearing my favourite dress and it shows a little cleavage. Which is easily done as i am quite large chested. Big deal.
People have commented positively just saying things like 'beautiful' etc. Admittedly the majority males :/
However he has gone insane, saying i am 'hoeing' myself and that the men on fb should start paying the bills!
I know I could solve this by taking the pic down but surely he is just being unreasonable? Or am I?
And then what else will he start trying to be controlling with?
Also, for context the rest of my fb is basically just pics of the kids and stuff. I hardly think I am Kylie Jenner for example!
I have noticed a few red flags with him recently :( we have been together a long time, if I am being unfair I will happily jump off my high horse! And be hugely embarrassed. Just need some objectivity.
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
MadgeMak · 20/12/2016 20:24

He is being controlling and this is just the tip of the iceberg. Run for the hills.

Cherrysoup · 20/12/2016 20:25

I think you know this is a huge red flag. He's unhappy about your profile picture, what else will he whinge about? I would tell him to jack right off, he cannot tell you to remove a picture which isn't nude! It's ridiculous and OTT. What will you do about the FB account?

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 20/12/2016 20:25

The fact that you would even consider that he might be right tells me that he is already starting to control you. There are massive red flags here and it would be foolish to ignore them.
Don't ignore your instincts, this is not a healthy situation.

chickenowner · 20/12/2016 20:26

That is not normal behaviour. He is trying to control you. Please don't ignore this warning sign!

luckylucky24 · 20/12/2016 20:26

Sounds like he is overreacting.

Yambabe · 20/12/2016 20:26

Massive red flag for me.

I do find that people who don't use FB themselves are often the most judgy about it, so wouldn't necessarily worry about that aspect. But to say that about a nice picture of you? Controlling and jealous. You could post naked pics of yourself (well you couldn't cos FB don't allow nipples but you know what I mean) and it wouldn't mean you were interested in other men just that you are comfortable in your own skin. Doesn't he trust you?

haveacupoftea · 20/12/2016 20:27

Well, my dp isn't perfect (none of us are), but I have FB and he doesn't and he has never once looked at my profile that I know of, or mentioned FB. Your partner does sound jealous and controlling. With other red flags there, you know what to do - especially with kids in the picture.

JenLindleyShitMom · 20/12/2016 20:27

that the men on fb should start paying the bills!

Sorry, WHAT?? Angry

He thinks access to your breasts is why he pays the bills??

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 20/12/2016 20:27

Listen to your instincts and leave.

ThoraGruntwhistle · 20/12/2016 20:28

AngryShock
Somebody like that won't stop at telling you whether you can use social media. Next it'll be telling you what you can and can't wear in case you look attractive to other men, stopping you going out anywhere without him, accusing you of cheating if you talk to anyone male... Etc etc. Sound appealing? Run, far away, quickly.

KatieScarlett · 20/12/2016 20:29

He said you are whoring yourself out on FB?
That's a communist parade of red flags right there.

Longdistance · 20/12/2016 20:29

Here's a red flag for you op 🚩

Run, run for the hills...

Lorelei76 · 20/12/2016 20:31

So many red flags
Run woman! Far far away!

TheProblemOfSusan · 20/12/2016 20:35

Yeah. He's being awful, controlling, and totally appalling. Run like you're being chased by bulls.

Gallavich · 20/12/2016 20:38

What else has he done that have worried you?
Do you have kids?

SarcasmMode · 20/12/2016 20:39

When someone shows you what they are really like, believe them.
I'm sure you weren't revealing that much and even if you did its your picture and body, not his. He's placing ownership on your body right there.

Would he be who ring himself if he showed his friends topless pictures from holiday? Why not?

Tell him to fuck off with his opinions- or just say you'll by a nice new house away from him with your hoeing money.

If it wasn't so vile it would nearly be laughable.

LindyHemming · 20/12/2016 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarcasmMode · 20/12/2016 20:40

buy

Heatherbell1978 · 20/12/2016 20:44

Please leave him. Ex boyfriend was exactly the same about FB with me albeit this was years ago now when it wasn't as popular. His 'finest' moment was when I went on a night out with friends to see a comedy act which involved some male nudity (it was harmless, part of a festival) which I was 'forbidden' to do. As my punishment he went to the strippers and got a dance as apparently it was the same thing. Run....run.,,,

Original poster
Breakingbadjesse · 20/12/2016 20:45

Wow I wasn't expecting everyone to agree which is worrying. A little bit of me thought perhaps it was disrespectful towards him! Perhaps his views have been impacting more than I have realised! He has been going on about it alot.
I think maybe I've overlooked these red flags long enough!
Other examples are him saying it's embarrassing and that I am depicting myself as single and a slut. Which I know isn't the case. I have always been faithful and I don't know where this sudden mistrust is coming from.
I mean can your partner suddenly wake up one day and go from being loving and 'normal' to suddenly controlling and rude.
He almost had me thinking I was wrong! He was saying look at these other mothers pics (of them and their kids or partners) they would never disrespect their man like that :o

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 20/12/2016 20:46

He's always been controlling and rude -it's only now that he's really showing you his true colours.

JenLindleyShitMom · 20/12/2016 20:52

How long have you been with him and is this a recent change in behaviours?

JenLindleyShitMom · 20/12/2016 20:52

From him I mean.

KatieScarlett · 20/12/2016 20:52

He hates women and is a huge sexist twat too.
The hills are that way .....>

Lorelei76 · 20/12/2016 20:55

Are there examples of this behaviour other than the Facebook stuff?