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Original poster

Partner doesn't want me to be on fb?

143 replies

Breakingbadjesse · 20/12/2016 20:23

So basically I re opened my fb account a few months ago. He isn't on there, that I know of - he thinks it's pointless.
He particularly doesn t like a pic I have as my profile pic, I am wearing my favourite dress and it shows a little cleavage. Which is easily done as i am quite large chested. Big deal.
People have commented positively just saying things like 'beautiful' etc. Admittedly the majority males :/
However he has gone insane, saying i am 'hoeing' myself and that the men on fb should start paying the bills!
I know I could solve this by taking the pic down but surely he is just being unreasonable? Or am I?
And then what else will he start trying to be controlling with?
Also, for context the rest of my fb is basically just pics of the kids and stuff. I hardly think I am Kylie Jenner for example!
I have noticed a few red flags with him recently :( we have been together a long time, if I am being unfair I will happily jump off my high horse! And be hugely embarrassed. Just need some objectivity.
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
jeeperdoo · 20/12/2016 20:55

It almost sounds like he thinks you chose that picture precisely because it shows a bit of cleavage, and he's taking that to mean that you're trying to signal something about your sexual availability. This says a lot (none of it good) about him and his views of women.

And yikes, if he's throwing the word "slut" around, there's much more wrong here than just him getting a bee in his bonnet over a Facebook pic!

Original poster
Breakingbadjesse · 20/12/2016 20:55

He also has said you must have really low self esteem if you 'need' to have men liking 'slutty' pics of you Hmm
If he has always been like this he's waited a long time to show it.
Damn really sucks I have to end it over something so stupid

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 20/12/2016 20:56

XH got really exercised once when I came home after a long commute on a hot train and I had undone the top button of my shirt showing about an inch of collar bone Shock (not even anywhere near the bust). One of many, many reasons I am so glad he is X.

They don't get better, you know.

SeriouslySomething · 20/12/2016 20:58

I would say his mistrust is coming from somewhere IE he has done something he shouldn't and is now putting it on you.
Get out of there while you know that it's not you in the wrong. Situations like that can change very quickly and your already starting to doubt yourself.

sooperdooper · 20/12/2016 20:59

Oh do tell him to fuck the fuck off Xmas Angry

AwfulSomething · 20/12/2016 20:59

Run Op, run for the hills and don't look back!

JenLindleyShitMom · 20/12/2016 20:59

Damn really sucks I have to end it over something so stupid

It's not stupid. It's massive. It's his entire personality and chronic disrespect of not only you but all women. That isn't stupid, that's a very good reason not to share your life with someone.

user1482261465 · 20/12/2016 21:01

The way he has spoken to you is completely out of order. If he is insecure and expressed that in a better way then maybe I could have abit of empathy for him but saying you're hoeing yourself because you're on fb is really below the belt. I'm on fb and my husband isn't but it's never caused any problems between us. I'm all for compromise but in this instance it seems so controlling and if you kowtow to his temper tantrums this time where will it end? Good luck x

SeriouslySomething · 20/12/2016 21:01

It is not a stupid reason to end it at all. It starts like that and then he is telling how to dress,who to see, how to act and then you are not you anymore and you stay because you feel he is right even though you know deep down it's bullshit.

JenLindleyShitMom · 20/12/2016 21:01

I would say his mistrust is coming from somewhere IE he has done something he shouldn't and is now putting it on you.

This is what I suspect too.

I think he has either been looking at porn or on dating websites and has seen women with cleavage out and surmises that because those women are "showing their sexual availability" that oP Is too because She has cleavage visible.

BitOutOfPractice · 20/12/2016 21:03

OP YANBU. He is. Massively.

BolivarAtasco · 20/12/2016 21:03

Noooo. Bin.Now. And consider it a lucky escape.

I am on FB and DH is not. I also have male friends and go out on my own with them. He has never once behaved in the way your DP has because normal people in a relationship don't behave like your DP does.

AddToBasket · 20/12/2016 21:03

Have you told him he is being a bit creepy and controlling?

ConvincingLiar · 20/12/2016 21:07

If you end it you end it because he doesn't respect you and sees you as a possession not a person.

Wonderflonium · 20/12/2016 21:07

Guys like this ALWAYS start out loving and normal and then switch. You can't be a controlling jerk from Day One because no one would stand for it.

PaulDacresConscience · 20/12/2016 21:09

they would never disrespect their man like that

But it's presumably fine for him to call you a whore and imply that you are an object which is available to be bought and paid for? Where's his respect for you?

He sounds completely awful, rude, insecure, sexist and generally unpleasant. Ditch.

DixieWishbone · 20/12/2016 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Breakingbadjesse · 20/12/2016 21:12

It does seem to mostly centre around the fb stuff.. He doesn't tell me what to wear or anything obviously controlling.
I have actually been quite shocked by his strong reaction and the horrible language he uses like 'slut' we have daughter's for god's sake..
I have tried to say to him how would you feel if someone spoke about his mother or daughter's like that? But he just brick walls me :/
I do notice that he has become more secretive with his phone though, so perhaps he has been up to something like a pp said and is somehow twisting things so that I'm the 'bad guy cheating on fb' and then he has an excuse to get out? I live like a bloody nun but I can just see him telling people I was looking for 'male attention' as that's all he has been saying to me

OP posts:
PaulDacresConscience · 20/12/2016 21:16

Then for your daughter's sake you need to dump him. Can you honestly stand by and say that you are comfortable with her growing up thinking that this is the way that a partner should speak to her? That this is what a 'loving' relationship looks like?

Marilynsbigsister · 20/12/2016 21:18

Hi OP, I may be in a tiny minority here but I believe FB is the biggest load of gobshite I have ever read. It's either filled with needy people boasting to validate their dull and mundane lives (I don't care) or loads of bare-faced lies where people I could care less about try to present an impression of a perfect life. It's all pointless bollocks that seems to take up the time of people and prevent them from interacting with each other in real life. It seems to cause jealousy upset and division whenever mentioned. HOWEVER the ONLY thing that could possibly induce me to open a FB account would be someone telling me I can't /not allowed. Or thought they could dictate what pictures I chose to post.
He's an arse. As for the pay the bills remark... the only way to dignify that is to leave him.

BolivarAtasco · 20/12/2016 21:19

Oh for god's sake. Get rid of him.

Miserylovescompany2 · 20/12/2016 21:19

You post a picture on you FB page and you are accused of Whoring yourself? Because you showed a bit of cleavage?? How very dare you attract the attention of other men...seriously????

Erm, that there is a HUGE RED FLAG slapping you in the face!

Miserylovescompany2 · 20/12/2016 21:22

...guilty conscience I wonder? He's projecting OP!! I'd be having myself a little gander at his phone. Get your proof and bin him!

KatieScarlett · 20/12/2016 21:24

So now you have low self esteem
Gaslighter too, huh?
You must know he's trying everything he can to put you down.
This man is nasty.

pklme · 20/12/2016 21:24

Never ignore a red flag.
Abusive language
Lack of respect
Jealousy
Telling you what to do
False accusations,

How much do you need?