Partner doesn't want me to be on fb?

[Breakingbadjesse]

So basically I re opened my fb account a few months ago. He isn't on there, that I know of - he thinks it's pointless.
He particularly doesn t like a pic I have as my profile pic, I am wearing my favourite dress and it shows a little cleavage. Which is easily done as i am quite large chested. Big deal.
People have commented positively just saying things like 'beautiful' etc. Admittedly the majority males :/
However he has gone insane, saying i am 'hoeing' myself and that the men on fb should start paying the bills!
I know I could solve this by taking the pic down but surely he is just being unreasonable? Or am I?
And then what else will he start trying to be controlling with?
Also, for context the rest of my fb is basically just pics of the kids and stuff. I hardly think I am Kylie Jenner for example!
I have noticed a few red flags with him recently :( we have been together a long time, if I am being unfair I will happily jump off my high horse! And be hugely embarrassed. Just need some objectivity.
Thanks in advance

Huge red flags. Nothing to do with him even if you have a ridiculously low cut top on.

I expect he's on FB and doesn't want you to find his profile.

I would tell anyone who tried to control me like to fuck right off.

Also our children are obviously unaware and have not heard conversations about this. Its just annoying i can't talk sense into him as other wise he is a good bloke.
Works hard, good with the kids. Im just confused. Why now. I have to change all our lives because he suddenly has this warped view and decided to express it in such a vile way.
Havn't found any evidence of porn usage or in fact any solid proof of him actually cheating..
I do have a feeling he could be though as I can't explain other wise why he is behaving like this.

I suppose he's only saying these things because he cares? (About himself and no f**ker else)

Are you ALLOWED nights out with girlfriends without him texting you? (Checking up on you)

Yep, definitely thinks he owns you.

Plus any man who refers to a woman as a slut, is fucking vile and no friend of mine.

Disgusting prick.

Warped view? His mask is slipping more like!

I would bet money he's got a secret facebook account he's blocked you on.

He's massively controlling you. :(

I can't explain other wise why he is behaving like this.

People can either revert to type after a while, or they can become controlling and abusive when they're under stress or depressed, or they can just turn into a shit bag.

It doesn't really matter which. The fact is, his comments and opinions are unacceptable and he needs to know that if he continues to be so offensive that you will be reconsidering the relationship.

He's probably visiting prostitutes. He sounds like the type.

If so poor you and poor prostitutes.

He's really got a lot of hatred for women's sexuality.

You are his property, he can speak to you how he pleases (as long as the children don't over hear that makes it alright?) you should know your place (under his feet/thumb)

Good blokes don't call their partners/mother of their children WHORES or SLUTS!

Good blokes wouldn't call anyone a whore or a slut.

Put it like this, a few months ago I arranged to meet a friend from school (actually an old boyfriend! But from teen years). We've stayed in touch loosely for years and years though, and he was in my hometown. Said to boyfriend, 'I'm meeting x later for a pint', wore a nice outfit, and he said...'cool, see you later'. Pint and a nice catchup later, back to boyfriends house, pj's on and snuggle on sofa. No grief, no questions. In fact, bf said he wasn't expecting me back as he thought we'd be out for the night.

My money's on the fact he is/has been up to stuff, and is projecting onto you, particularly as you say this seems like a new behaviour.

Sweet baby jebus - leave him now. He views you as his property.

Just a thought? Maybe he has a separate SIM card that he uses? I'd be very tempted to phone his mobile (when he's in the bath/shower) see if it rings?

Change your mobile to private setting first though...

I had a relationSHIT with someone who did that, he slipped up one day though and forgot to switch them back. Full to the brim of no-strings-attached messages!

Sorry, I digressed a little there - point I was trying to make was that this is how trusting and honest relationships can be. I've had the total opposite, so I know exactly how it feels to be controlled and scrutinised and meaning assigned to actions that isn't there etc and it's a fucking horrible way to live.

Do you socialise without him?
Do you have any male acquaintances?
Have you found yourself slowly giving up on your friends and social life but don't quite understand why?
If so think back. What comments has he made about them or socialising with them that has made you think it would be easier to do without them rather than rock the boat?

I know it's not acceptable.
I thought perhaps he was feeling a bit insecure at first and that having this particular pic up wasn't helping.
He really has been relentless with his comments..
Then I thought hold up, it's just a pic and if I start making allowances for him and giving in for a bit of peace, then what next?
I appreciate everyone's comments, it has sure given me the clarity i needed. Ironically I barely even go on fb.
And no it's not ok just because the kids don't know about it or because he is stressed. Think I am just wondering how to play it to them when I end it with him as it will all seem so out of the blue

If he doesn't even use FB, how come he knows about your profile pic and the comments?

Red flag.

Rub, far and fast.

Get together a support network first OP. Then start to plan your escape. Don't act any differently with him. When you have everything in place, then either get the locks changed or leave.

I would be visiting your local CAB office to find of what your options are? Whether or not you qualify for legal aid. You may have to take out a restraining order if he becomes nasty/threatening?

There are other things. Maybe I have been downplaying. But reading some of these comments I am realising maybe over time I have just kind of accepted them.
Like certain friends he doesn't like, that I started to think he might have a point about. Friends I have known longer than him!
But up until recently he hasn't been so obvious as to ask me to take down photos or say the things he has..
Whether he is cheating or not I can't imagine staying and having this behaviour escalate :(

Gunna go against the grain here and say that you've obviosuly been planning to leave him (? - based on the fact that you haven't decided that in the space of time this post has been running?) and that probably explains his insecurity?
Also think if it was a role reversal and my DH had posted a pic and gotten loads of female likes and comments I'd be pretty pissed.

He is abusive, without a shadow of a doubt.
Please read these links:
Signs of emotional abuse
The Abuser Profiles
I suggest you get real life support - call the Women's Aid helpline and/or talk to a close friend or family member, someone who is likely to be supportive.

How long have you been in the relationship? Do you live together? Have children together?

...he sounds as if he's been systematically pulling you down for years OP! This isn't love...it's control! It can turn very nasty!

He's the puppet master, you NEED to cut his strings! He only has control if you allow him.

You deserve to be treated as an equal OP...not like this!

One of my dearest friends was married for eleven years. She says the first five years were brilliant and then he changed. The remaining years she was walking on eggshells the entire time. Heaven knows how he was able to keep up a loving facade for five years, but she thinks maybe he changed because he'd decided he wanted out of the marriage.

It's a terrible shame, OP. But I think you have to start making plans for the next stage of your life. How dare he call you a slut!