Mum has announced its time for me to host Christmas.

[torroloco]

Apparently she has had enough and she "goes to all that effort just for us to fuck off on Boxing day". Both me, my brother and my Dad work- Dad and brother are working boxing day, I go back to work on the 27th but as I have a 3hr trip to get home I will be leaving early boxing day so i have time to get home and pack as im off on holiday with the family I work for.

Also, apparently because im 27 now I can host. The plan according to her is for the 3 of them to drive to mine in the morning and leave after Xmas dinner. To a tiny 1 bedroom flat with broken central heating (i highly doubt my LL will pull his finger out to get it sorted in time) and a tiny, unreliable oven.

WIBU to go and celebrate Xmas with them when im off for 3 days just before and then spend Xmas day alone eating shit and watching boxsets ?

I love my mother dearly but im starting to think shes batshit crazy

She can suggest all she likes: you don't have to comply. If she is really rescinding your invitation to hers for christmas, would that apply pre-Christmas top?

Is there not some sort of compromise here where you and your brother can 'do' Christmas for your parents at theirs?

I can imagine your mother's thread:

" I always host Christmas, but my kids have all grown up and left home. Not one of the lazy f***s ever offers to host.

This year I've asked my 27 year old daughter to host. It will be a bit cramped at her place, but I've had enough doing it all for the last 27 years and want a break. Now she's in a huff, as she doesn't think she should be asked to do anything. WIBU to teller to......."

You catch my drift?

In theory she's not unreasonable, you're a grown adult who presumably cooks for yourself the rest of the time. Dh and I hosted alternate years with the parents from about age 27 I think.

Is your brother included in the list of future hosts? Or does he live with them? Could you say you'll do the cooking in their house since it has more space? Or all go out for Xmas lunch in a pub?

Cooking Xmas dinner is a right old faff (and expensive) ifyou don't enjoy cooking.

Can one of you not cook at hers?

You don't have to have an all trimmings Christmas dinner. We order currys the night before and heat up. No work for anyone then.

WIBU to go and celebrate Xmas with them when im off for 3 days just before and then spend Xmas day alone eating shit and watching boxsets?

Are you suggesting going to hers for Christmas or staying at home for Christmas?!

Why don't you all just go to a restaurant for the meal?

Why don't you all have a Christmas meal out, halfway between your house and hers?

Sorry, formerbabe beat me to it, but we sometimes do it, as we live a hundred miles away, and it's practical to meet in the middle and exchange presents.

you're a grown adult who presumably cooks for yourself the rest of the time

Yes, but not a huge sized Xmas dinner in a cramped space with broken heating/cooker. I almost cancelled our Xmas plans as only had one working oven shelf and two working hobs, lucky it's been fix now.

How much do you do to help with lunch when you're there, op? If you arrive and don't lift a finger until you leave, I think you really need to buck up. I agree with others, either you and your brother cook at your mums this year or perhaps your brother could host. Doesn't sound like it could realistically work at your flat and your mum is being unreasonable in that respect. There must be room for compromise.

I can see her point if she does everything for little return but why can't the lazy arses who live there help out as well? I don't like it sounding like female = slave over Christmas.

Brother still lives at home and doesnt cook -hes fecking useless really

Mum has said point blank no to Xmas at their place. Ive no idea where it has come from to be honest because she loves being a hostess and I think in a way it is just resentment because it is only one day all 4 for us will be together probably until Easter when 12 months ago I was still at home so saw them all the time. And im a bit annoyed because theres only 2 weeks to go to order meat etc.

Will I find anywhere this late on for a christmas day booking?!

I can see her point, she does all the planning ,shopping,tidying, getting the house ready and produces all the guffin on Christmas Day, then on Boxing Day, when she should be able to kick back, relax and send everyone to forage in the fridge for leftovers she is left with the post Christmas clearing up as you lot all bugger off. I would rather someone else cook the dinner at least that way she has a tidy post Christmas house to go back to.

Why not do a pub "Christmas Meal" meetup between now and then?
So on Christmas day you just phone each other and everybody's off the hook. You're all adults now and there are no kids from what I understand. So the actual date isn't all that relevant.

I do "English Christmas" on 31st December so my kids get the best of both worlds.

It is too late in the year to be rescinding a Christmas invitation for anything less than a very serious falling-out.

Why not offer to go to hers and cook so she has a Christmas off?

Does she not have a paid job? Does that mean in your eyes she's not entitled to a Christmas off?

Oh and you're 27. You're perfectly capable of hosting despite some inconvenience if you wanted to.

It's time your father and brother took turns too. I reckon the next Christmas dinner your mum cooks should be in 2019.

I do honestly help. I make a stuffing, pigs in blankets and buy 2 bottles of wine and the Christmas pudding. I dont eat dessert so usually do the dishes from the main course and starter while they have dessert in front of the TV.

If you are off 3 days before Xmas Day and Xmas Day why don't you buy all the food and go and cook it at your Mum's giving her the break she wants.

torroloco, why is it specifically you that has to cook though? Why can't your dad or brother do so? Although I believe everyone should have a 'turn' at hosting, it seems that the blokes in this situation get off scott free. Will your brother be expected to host if and when he moves out? Plus it doesn't sound 'fun' for anyone, spending the day in a cold flat, plus whoever drives won't be able to drink until they're back home. A six hour round trip sounds miserable on Xmas day as well. I would try and either meet half way or point this out and say you and brother will do everything but at theirs.

I can see your DM's point, as I am in a similar situation to her (always 'do' Christmas for adult DD), but I do think it's unreasonable to expect you to host in your flat.

As others have said, suggest you cook the dinner, but at her house as she has the facilities. And it isn't just the meal on Christmas Day, it's the planning, shopping, cleaning, extra laundry, making up the bed. Promise to do your share of this too - and make sure your DBro pulls his weight too. Give your mum a break!

Read the thread, people! The mother point blank refuses to have it at hers.

She can't force you. If you can't find a place to go out, just tell her it's cancelled then and have one at home with a curry.

I absolutely commiserate with your mum, it's utterly soul destroying slogging your guts out to give everyone and please everyone just to be left with all the detritus and clearing up then being left on your own on Boxing Day.
Been there and done it.
I'd be so pleased if someone else did it! Could you offer to do all the shopping, preparing and cooking at her house (and get your useless brother to pull his finger out)?

It was her choice to slog it out after your lazy dad and brother. YOu don't have to do the same.

Can you think of it as saving 6 hours of driving?

If you go to m and s (or wherever) you can get pretty much everything ready to bung in the oven/on the hob. It doesn't have to be a huge amount of work.