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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum has announced its time for me to host Christmas.

405 replies

torroloco · 12/12/2016 07:32

Apparently she has had enough and she "goes to all that effort just for us to fuck off on Boxing day". Both me, my brother and my Dad work- Dad and brother are working boxing day, I go back to work on the 27th but as I have a 3hr trip to get home I will be leaving early boxing day so i have time to get home and pack as im off on holiday with the family I work for.

Also, apparently because im 27 now I can host. The plan according to her is for the 3 of them to drive to mine in the morning and leave after Xmas dinner. To a tiny 1 bedroom flat with broken central heating (i highly doubt my LL will pull his finger out to get it sorted in time) and a tiny, unreliable oven.

WIBU to go and celebrate Xmas with them when im off for 3 days just before and then spend Xmas day alone eating shit and watching boxsets ?

I love my mother dearly but im starting to think shes batshit crazy Grin

OP posts:
londonrach · 12/12/2016 09:14

Is it too late to book into a local pub etc. I can see your mums point of view. Can you and your brother do the cooking at hers, if not you both do it at either his or yours. Doesnt matter about the tiny flat etc just makes it cosy. If you dont want to do it say no and all eat at home and meet up later in the day. Personally if it was me id do it at home but ask everyone to bring something eg pudding etc and in my case they need to bring a chair even if a patio chair as ive only got 4 chairs. Its fun having everything not perfect!

mouldycheesefan · 12/12/2016 09:15

Say fine. Oven doesn't work so I will be doing a buffet of cold meats and salads, do jacket potatoes in microwave. Tell everyone to bring a jumper as heating not working.
Yes you won't have the roast dinner, but so what, you can still have a lovely day together and it will be a break for your mum. It sounds like that is what she really wants for Xmas, a break from hosting.

FinallyHere · 12/12/2016 09:16

This thread could be titled 'Mum does not realise that men can do anything useful to feed themselves.

Would the replies be any different?

EdmundCleverClogs · 12/12/2016 09:18

oldestmumaintheworld

  1. £150 for food? For one meal?? That can all be apparently cooked in a microwave, expensive turkey and all.
  1. The op isn't being lazy over her heating, she already said she doubts her landlord will pull his finger out, she must have reason to think this. She can't force him to sort out the heating, as awful as that is.
  1. Yes, her mum has obviously been a martyr for years over Xmas, but I doubt she's had to sort it all out, in a very short space of time after the decision has been dumped on her, in the same circumstances the OP is in. There are two other people in this situation- brother and dad. Why can't they host this year, next year the OP can be more prepared.
YelloDraw · 12/12/2016 09:18

Why is your mum having a go at you when there are two other poeple (the menz) in the family that oculd do something to help?

TBF I would be bright and breezy "of course mum, xmas dinner at mine would be lovely, bring a jumper as the heating is a bit dodge at the moment" and then I would do a lovely xmas cold spread of ham, cold roast turkey, stuffing, pigs in blankets, nice breads and cheese etc.

RJnomore1 · 12/12/2016 09:20

I've read it twice and still managed to miss the brother living at home 😕

I can't decide if it's a case of "the girl can do it" or the mum wanting out of the home environment.
There are plenty of ways round it that don't involve the mum hosting though. Don't panic op.

OpalTree · 12/12/2016 09:22

If you arrange something this year, next year say "Brother's turn to arrange Christmas."

SheldonsSpot · 12/12/2016 09:23

You've spent years assuming your mum will do Christmas.

Same again this year.

Sounds like you didn't even have an invitation this year, but still 2 weeks beforehand, assumed you'd be going to your parents until your mum dropped her little bombshell.

And even knowing your mum does not want to do it, you're still planning on going over there to do an early Christmas when it suits you because you've got time off Shock.

Cheeky as fuck!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 12/12/2016 09:23

Why is your mum having a go at you when there are two other poeple (the menz) in the family that oculd do something to help?

We don't know that she hasn't also had a go at them.

OpalTree · 12/12/2016 09:24

If your mum then does it for your bother, count that as your mum doing it and the following year say "Brother's turn as mum did it last year."

GloriaGaynor · 12/12/2016 09:28

I've no where it has come from to be honest because she loves being a hostess

Ha. When you've been slogging your guts out doing Christmas meals for 30 years you'll know exactly where she's coming from.

But it's a weird sexism that the honours are falling to you. She should have insisted that your father take her out to a nice hotel, or that he and your brother buy a Christmas meal job lot from M and S and cook it themselves. But tbh - the latter would probably end up being more hassle because they'll order the wrong thing, and then keep asking her how to cook things.

So give the situation at your flat I'd suggest a meal out for you all.

GloriaGaynor · 12/12/2016 09:28

*given

MargaretCavendish · 12/12/2016 09:29

You've just been spared this for the past 27 years.

Yes - why didn't lazy, lazy OP host the family Christmas as a 6 year old?

corythatwas · 12/12/2016 09:30

This is what the lazy and entitled OP explained on p. 1 that she does contribute to the Christmas dinner:

"I do honestly help. I make a stuffing, pigs in blankets and buy 2 bottles of wine and the Christmas pudding. I dont eat dessert so usually do the dishes from the main course and starter while they have dessert in front of the TV."

And yet poster after poster has piled in to commiserate with the mother who has to do it all on her own. Or to tell her she should cook at her mother's when she stated, also on p. 1, that "Mum has said point blank no to Xmas at their place".

Some OPs can't win: we just have to tell them how BU they are.

MargaretCavendish · 12/12/2016 09:30

She should have insisted that your father take her out to a nice hotel, or that he and your brother buy a Christmas meal job lot from M and S and cook it themselves. But tbh - the latter would probably end up being more hassle because they'll order the wrong thing, and then keep asking her how to cook things.

Jesus. And people claim that it's feminists who have a low opinion of men.

SilentBatperson · 12/12/2016 09:37

Your mother is NBU to want a break from hosting Christmas. Not in the slightest.

She is BU to drop this on you now, two weeks before Christmas, realistically too late to get a booking in most places and knowing full well you have no room, an unreliable cooker and possibly no heating. That's not just unreasonable, it's fucking stupid. It's one thing having a takeaway or cold meats and salad, that could still be nice, but there's much less chance of it being so if you're squashed into a poky flat freezing your tits off.

She's also BU to effectively expect you to solve the problem of her feeling exhausted hosting Christmas because she chooses to allow the men in the family to do fuck all: by the sounds of things OP you do your 25% share, the problem is that your mum does your dad and brother's too and sees the solution to this as you doing it instead, rather than them getting off their arses. If she wants a break, getting them to host in her house would be much more practical seeing as they have room and presumably modern amenities like, you know, a cooker.

CotswoldStrife · 12/12/2016 09:38

I can also see your mum's point. It is fairly short notice to arrange something for this year, but not completely unfeasible if you go for the cold buffet option. How tiny is the oven, could you get a turkey crown in there? Have they been to your flat before, if they have then they know what to expect.

I do think YABU to still expect to turn up at your parents but just earlier. That's quite rude, actually. Agree with pp who said to talk - and listen - to your mum and see what would help this year. But turning up earlier is not it. She wants someone else to do the meal this year.

YorkiesGlasses · 12/12/2016 09:41

I'm interested to know about your brother. Are there extenuating circumstances and no way he could host? If the responsibility is being lumped onto your lap simply because you are the other 'female' of the family, then say NO!

how about you and your DB offer to treat your parents to Christmas lunch at a restaurant near them? Mind you, you'd have to get on with that quickly, it's all been left a bit late...

Liiinoo · 12/12/2016 09:41

Your mum is being a BU to announce this now, but if she wants a break after 27 years, let her have one. It isn't just the cooking, it's the shopping, the setting up , finding enough glasses and plates, clearing up, coming down the next day to Leftovers and even more washing up. And from what you say your brother and dad won't be much help with any of that. I can quite see the appeal of going out on Christmas Day, having a nice dinner and going back to a clean kitchen!

CHristmas dinner doesn't have to be a mammoth ' from scratch' job. I used to do it in a bedsit on a two ring Baby Belling. Cook and slice a turkey crown a day or two before and store with cooking juices poured over to keep it moist. Then on the day you can reheat in it a steamer or microwave. Get frozen roast potatoes and frozen parsnips to roast on the day and prepared spprouts you can cook in the microwave. Add a tray of pigs in blankets and a tray of prepared stuffing. You could get the whole lot in Asda (other supermarkets are available) for under £20. Ask mum to bring a pudding and dad and DB to bring crackers, chocs and wine - lots of wine.

Try it - it might be fun Flowers

woodhill · 12/12/2016 09:42

I would talk to your dad about the situation to find a solution and it sounds totally impractical at your flat so I wouldn't do it there.

YorkiesGlasses · 12/12/2016 09:42

But tbh - the latter would probably end up being more hassle because they'll order the wrong thing, and then keep asking her how to cook things.

And we know that her DF and DB have learning difficulties because?

HaveNoSocks · 12/12/2016 09:45

It's fair enough if she doesn't want to host christmas although it's far too last minute to insist you do it. On the other hand if you've been surviving without heating then I'm sure everyone will manage for a day. You could spend the money you've saved on petrol on the food and ask them to bring some stuff with them (whatever you'd normally bring). It just won't be a big extravagant feast.

Floisme · 12/12/2016 09:45

Your posts are full of 'Apparently' and 'I've no idea'. I assume you've had a conversation with your mum about this but you need talk to her - and also with your father and brother - again and then repeat as often as it takes until you do have some idea what's behind this. She may be at the end of her tether with dad and brother and taking it out on you. Or she may be missing you badly if you've only recently left home and not handing it well. It certainly sounds as if she doesn't love being a hostess quite as much as you think.

But it's all conjecture. Please go back and talk to her, even if things get shouty. And I mean talk, not text or email.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 12/12/2016 09:45

Can you cook the meat the day before? That gives you time to work around the unreliability of the oven. Then you let them drive for hours, be chilly and uncomfortable, whilst you do dinner. When the dust has settled, discuss options for next year.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 12/12/2016 09:47

Arf at expat having a conniption while all around her suggest things already clearly discounted by op Grin

The fact you won't have to drive is a bonus op. I'd double the wine and get a curry in if they want to come to you. I'd probably also get an old filled heater if the central heating is on the blink because that would be handy for you.

I would tell them they take it or leave it. And if they leave it boxsets in your PJs sounds awesome!