Mum has announced its time for me to host Christmas.

[torroloco]

Apparently she has had enough and she "goes to all that effort just for us to fuck off on Boxing day". Both me, my brother and my Dad work- Dad and brother are working boxing day, I go back to work on the 27th but as I have a 3hr trip to get home I will be leaving early boxing day so i have time to get home and pack as im off on holiday with the family I work for.

Also, apparently because im 27 now I can host. The plan according to her is for the 3 of them to drive to mine in the morning and leave after Xmas dinner. To a tiny 1 bedroom flat with broken central heating (i highly doubt my LL will pull his finger out to get it sorted in time) and a tiny, unreliable oven.

WIBU to go and celebrate Xmas with them when im off for 3 days just before and then spend Xmas day alone eating shit and watching boxsets ?

I love my mother dearly but im starting to think shes batshit crazy

Haahaa! Yeah, OP, just break out your slow cooker. And order your lazy brother to cook. On your cooker that doesn't work well.

Your mother doesn't want to cook. That's fine. Fair enough.

What's not is ordering you to do it. Her lazy husband and son are there, too.

I'd tell her we'll go out and no Christmas lunch.

Yanbu to be stressed but only if you have never had 3 friends round for dinner. Yabu to leave your packing to the last minute though.

If her house is more suitable, can't you host there? I'm cooking Christmas dinner for 12 of my family this year, including shopping and preparation. However, I'm doing it at my Mum's house as she has more space and a dining room. Would something like this be an option?

'Would something like this be an option?'

No. It's up the thread that's not an option.

I feel for you op. Your mum has obviously had enough but her alternative vision really does not work. And it sounds as though you don't have anyone else to spend Christmas with? That's quite a dilemma but in the meantime you need to let her know, sorry, you can't invite them all to yours for Christmas lunch this year. Maybe when you have a bigger flat with better facilities but not this year. I'm genuinely sorry, it sounds a rotten situation . Basically your Mum is saying you are not invited!

Right, what you do is this.

You have Christmas at your mum's. You and your brothers do all the cooking between you while your mum sits down with wine and the TV and has a nice relaxing day.

Talk to your mother.

Offer her options.

They bring cooked meat and you will do salad buffet.

Or you com before Xmas and make Xmas dinner at her's with you and her swapping roles (and DF and DB mucking in)

Or you give up for this year stay at home and replan it to suit her next year.

It would be reasonable to point out that 12 days and no functioning cooker isn't compatible with a traditional Xmas lunch but that you'd be very happy to host if they'll agree to number 1 above.

Talk to her - she's feeling taken for granted and it's possibly not unreasonable.

Our Christmases changed the year my mother got food poisoning the day before Xmas eve. We all had to rally round.

I know your mother is being unreasonable but it would be really hurtful when she has hosted for years and made an effort each year for 27 years for you to say "sorry that doesn't suit me, you're on your own". Hear that she's cheesed off about it for some reason, try to find out why and address it. Behave like an adult not a teenager.

Are you in a position to gift a going out christmas meal?

Oh, this really is quite a tricky situation - I feel sorry for both you and your mum, OP! I really do think you need to refuse to host, though. I think this is a bit of a recipe for disaster: your mum is still going to be upset, you're going to be stressed, and it's likely everyone's going to be cold and eating a slightly rubbish meal - neither of those last two things would matter at all if it was a fun, 'everyone entering into the spirit' occasion, but it sounds like that's not going to happen.

I think op's family cannot seriously want to drive 3 hours each way on Christmas Day?

You could speak to your dad and ask him if there is a particular reason. Maybe she is not well & cant manage it, maybe she just fancied a change and going to yours was the first thing she thought of.
Assuming she is not ill, could you either offer to cook the meal at the family home, or find out if there is a nice pub with space available. Thai restaurants usually offer a Christmas lunch and our local Indian does too and it is always full.
Regardless, you could explain that coming home for Christmas is a family event you look forward to & whatever she decides to do, you would like to go 'home'.

I do see her point. Presumably she has been hosting Xmas for at least 27 years. I do also see her point about the hard work of hosting and then not having a day to enjoy family the day after. Good luck arranging something.

I'm guessing she said no to doing it at hers because she know she will get roped in. It sounds like she wants a break and a comparise needs to be made. My DF has been diagnosed with terminal cancer
love hosting but with a bed being in the dinning room it wasn't realistic for them to host. I took it upon myself to offer to host 12 people my house isn't particular big but we are getting another table and I don't have a big kitchen but I will make it work because that's what you do for family. I've taken the pressure off them which has made such a big difference. Try working with your mother for alternative solutions.

What a lot of hysteria over one day.

Talk to your family about arrangements. I don't blame your mum for being fed up with the status quo. As for loving playing the hostess, it is possible that she is just very good at painting a happy face on the stress. I do the same and then have to disappear upstairs for twenty minutes to decompress.

Logistics for hosting at your home don't sound ideal and Christmas away (hotels/restaurants) can be expensive (and impossible to book at this point in the game). Talk calmly to your mum about it. Don't go at it with the 'batshit crazy' point of view, be understanding of the fact that she might like someone running around after her while she sits on the sofa watching boxsets for a change.

I like the idea of cooking at her place. Maybe if you, your brother & dad broached it sensitively and understandingly, she would be receptive to having it at home. The outright NO could just be a knee jerk reaction because she's worried that means she'll end up getting roped into helping or doing the donkey work again. Reassure her and MEAN IT. Or if you aren't bothered about having Christmas with your parents, just opt out and spend the whole thing in your flat, with friends.

X post with under, who i've pretty much repeated.

I could be that Mum. I've done Christmas dinner for the past twenty odd years and I don't blame your Mum for being pissed off with you all. Not just you, but your brother and your Dad and this is her way of saying 'Stop, I'm sick of the lot of you.' I can understand that must take some adjustment for you because you probably haven't been at home and seen the build up in resentment from your Mum.

So, may I suggest a number of solutions one of which will hopefully fit the bill.

1. Phone your dad and your brother and agree that you will all go out to lunch irrespective of what it costs and that the three of you will pay for it between you. Your Dad and brother will also have to book accommodation for over night since they can't stay with you.
2. Go to Marks and Spencer website, work out what you need for dinner and the cost and then go back to your Dad and your brother and ask them to transfer the cost split three ways into your account. When they have done this, order food for delivery or click and collect . You can cook a Christmas dinner in a microwave. If you don't have one tell your Dad to bring from home. This should include drinks, chocolates etc. You will find it will be approx. £150 between you. Do not forget to order food for boxing day. This will add a further £50 to the order. Remind them that they need accommodation booking because they cannot stay the night with you.
3. Stop being lazy, get on to your Landlord and get your heating fixed. You have two weeks to get this done. Phone this morning. He cannot refuse. Ditto cooker.
4. Make sure that you explain to both your brother and your Dad that they will be helping with all of this - not sitting slumped in front of the telly.

Finally remember you are 27 not 17. You have presumably been looking after yourself for more than 8 years. SO you can do this. Embrace the change and remember your Mum. She stood where you are now and managed it. So can you. Her mistake was not doing this sooner.

'Surely the flat will warm up with the oven on.'

Yeah, that oven that doesn't work reliably. So you can wind up with food poisoning for 4.

Who said op has to pay for the takeaway for all four if she did that?

Plus the savings on the six hour round trip could go towards her share.

I'd like to know if the brother has his own place too.

She's already said the brother lives at home and is lazy.

Do Christmas at yours in the cold cramped flat and take your chance on the cooker (maybe plan an alternative dinner menu that doesn't rely too heavily on the cooker).

If it doesn't go well then your mother will then realise that the reason you aren't regularly hosting Christmas is NOT that you're a feckless workshy good-for-nothing but because you genuinely do live in a cold cramped flat and getting a hot meal is a bit of a gamble. That would be a win for you.

And if it all comes together and you do actually have a nice time then it's a win-win for everyone.

If your mum is insisting on having it at yours- and you are willing to give that a go (though, once your mum figures out she is spending six hours on Christmas Day driving, she may rethink this plan) I would do steak (fried on the hob) mustard mash (bugger it, buy microwave mash and stir in mustard) and microwave steam veg and bernaise sauce premade. Your mum can bring the starter and wine like you usually do, brother go halves on the steak- everyone is happy.

Oh and OP, just to let you know that on Mumsnet a lot of us work and have kids and work shifts and take care of our elderly and disabled, and work nights and clean our homes and do our own shopping and that of our neighbours and we still do Christmas dinner! You've just been spared this for the past 27 years.