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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being over optimistic to think this is doable?

310 replies

Whatallama · 05/12/2016 09:21

My husband and I have been invited to a family wedding about 3 hours away from where we live. It's not immediate family, but I'd like to go if at all possible. It's my husbands side of the family, not that it makes much difference.

The problem is that I'm pregnant with our first, and this wedding is on the due date. My husband thinks we'd be nuts to go, but I think it may be doable. If the baby comes before, chances are we wouldn't make it, but if I'm still pregnant, there's no complications, and I still feel ok, then I'm thinking we could do it.

Obviously, we'd have to take everything with us in the car, in case I went into labour there (we'd probably stay the night of the wedding), so all the baby things, car seat, my stuff, maternity notes etc.

Ideally I'd like to just see how we're doing, but I'm not sure that's fair on the bride and groom, because they may well be wasting money on us.

It's still 6 months away, and they don't even know that I'm pregnant yet, but we'll need to chat things through with them.

I know many people will think I'm nuts for even considering this, but if I'm well, AIBU to think that with proper planning, its possible?

OP posts:
DailyMailCrap · 05/12/2016 09:32

Your dh is spot on. Making a 6 hour round trip on your due date for people you don't even really know is nuts.

UnoriginalNN · 05/12/2016 09:34

I would say no purely based on the fact that ultimately it's their money you would be gambling on. Lovely thought though. You'll probably find you won't want to closer to the time!

likepeasandcarrots · 05/12/2016 09:35

Have to agree with daily on this one, you're mad to even contemplate it. As you are only 3 months along I can see how you would think it's doable, but when you are 9 months pregnant you really just want to stay at home! Plus the stress of packing everything and getting there and everything? No, just politely decline and stay at home at nest and enjoy the peace before the baby arrives!

MoreThanUs · 05/12/2016 09:38

I would agree with you if they were close friends / family, as it would be more than worth the risk. But as you don't know them that well I wouldn't bother - resting at home is far more enjoyable at 40 weeks pregnant!

carrie74 · 05/12/2016 09:38

Based on how I felt at that stage, not a chance (actually, both of mine came early, so absolutely not a chance). I did go to a good friend's wedding when heavily PG with Thing 1 (about 35 weeks I think), I had to wear flip flops as I couldn't wear normal shoes comfortably, spent most of the day sitting down wanting to cry. I was glad I was there to see my friend's wedding day, but it wasn't any fun. I was also close to my parents' house (although far from home).

dowhatnow · 05/12/2016 09:44

Say no but see if there is an option of adding you on at the last minute if you want to. You should also be prepareed to reimburse them any cost should you not make it even if you arrange it in the last day or two.
Would you want to give birth so far away frm home in a strange hospital. Look at worst case scenario.

I think you will realise that it's a pipe dream later on in the preganancy. Say no now but see if they can be flexible if it come to it, later on.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 05/12/2016 09:44

It isn't a good idea to be still in a car for that length of time when heavily pregnant you are at a increased (still small) risk of DVT. You'll also be bloody uncomfortable, need a wee every 50 miles and quite possibly be nursing a nice set of piles (sorry).

Original poster
Whatallama · 05/12/2016 09:48

I'm not going to be doing the packing or the driving, my husband will do all the sorting. I'll just be sat there, like a giant whale.

I know we can't say yes, because I may well not feel up to it, but I'd feel rubbish if actually I felt ok. It seems to vary so much. I've got friends that really couldn't have gone, and others that wouldn't have thought twice about it (and a friend who went for a run about 6 hours before giving birth). As i won't have to 'do' much, I'm hoping it might be ok, hence me not wanting to say no either.

My biggest worry is the potential waste of money for bride and groom - though we could be maybes until they need to confirm with the caterers I guess which would give us some time.

I dont know :-s

I guess I don't have to turn it down yet.

OP posts:
Hellmouth · 05/12/2016 09:48

It's still 6 months away

You will change your mind by the end of that 6 months. You'll most likely be tired, uncomfortable, and looking forward to getting the LO out of you.

I worked up to my 38th week and it was a massive struggle in the end. And that commute was an hour and a half. There is no way in hell I would have travelled double that to go to a wedding of people I barely know. I think your DH is being way more reasonable than you.

strawberrypenguin · 05/12/2016 09:49

Your DH is right. If nothing else by that stage you will not want to be sat in a car for 3 hours (and you'll need a wee every half hour!)

Trifleorbust · 05/12/2016 09:50

I'm 39 weeks and I think I could handle a wedding. But I wouldn't want to accept an invitation that there is a decent chance I would have to decline last minute. I'm sure they have other not-so-close relatives and friends who they might like to invite instead?

FlyingElbows · 05/12/2016 09:54

By your due date you will just be totally sick of being pregnant and mostly just be horribly uncomfortable and desperate to get your baby out. You will almost definitely not want to go to a wedding. You are nuts for even considering it, but in a lovely way Grin

baconandeggies · 05/12/2016 09:56

It's do-able if you really really really want to go; but...

  • 40% of mums (approx) will have given birth by their due date - so there's a big chance you'll be letting them down and they'll have wasted money

  • if you are still expecting, a 3 hour car journey isn't a picnic at full term. You might need to stop lots to stretch out / wee.

  • you might feel less comfortable giving birth in an unknown unit or birth centre. Most mums instinctively want to stay close to home.

  • the midwives may flap a bit if they're unfamiliar with your set of notes and can't find the info they need quickly (all trusts' notes are different in layout and format)

Disraeli · 05/12/2016 09:58

I wouldn't do it. Even if, as you say, you felt ok in yourself and rubbish that you didn't go, you may not have felt ok in yourself if you had gone. It's a long journey to take at 40 weeks pregnant, that in itself could take it out of you.

DamsonInDistress · 05/12/2016 09:58

Is this your first baby by any chance?! In the nicest possible way, I think you're nuts to take the risk, sorry! Having had two very quick births, one of which was a day after my due date in four hours flat from first twinge to baby in my arms, there's no way I'd risk travelling three hours from home at that stage.

frikadela01 · 05/12/2016 09:58

3 hours is a long time in a car when you're that far along. I was induced at 39 weeks and by that point sitting upright for longer than half an hour got really uncomfortable. I wasn't even that big either.
You may know someone who went for a job 6 hours before birth but I'd say they were the exception rather than the rule. I went for a really long walk around town a few days prior to being induced to try and get this moving naturally and it really knocked me for six. I spent most of the next day in bed. The last bit of pregnancy is just so tiring.

Youreyouryouare · 05/12/2016 10:00

My baby spent two weeks in NICU, if something happened would you really want to be in hospital three hours away from home? You can't assume that you'd be one night in hospital and then home.

GreatFuckability · 05/12/2016 10:01

I would speak to the couple and see what they think, explain that you'd love to come but that you will either have a new baby or be very pregnant so can't give a definite answer. they might be will to be flexible or something.
Personally on my due date with my first I could barely be arsed to brush my teeth let alone anything else, but then again for some people who are feeling well it would be a nice distraction from the waiting. It's just hard to judge.

Oysterbabe · 05/12/2016 10:03

Ridiculous idea. The couple will end up paying £100 a head for empty seats.

Original poster
Whatallama · 05/12/2016 10:07

If I went, it would be in the full knowledge that we might be stuck in a different part of the country for a bit. Tbh, booking an apartment with airbnb only takes a couple of minutes, and we'd have a lot of stuff with us for contingency.

Tbh, if the baby needed NICU, it would probably be better off where the wedding is, because I am in small city, and they'd have to transfer the baby anyway. The wedding is in a bigger city.

At this rate, I doubt I'll go, but if I do, then you've given me some extra logistical things to work out!

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatallama · 05/12/2016 10:09

Oyster, that's my biggest worry about this.

OP posts:
MummyTheTramEngine · 05/12/2016 10:09

The new guidelines for newborns advise that babies are in car seats for a maximum of 30 minutes at a time. It's to do with their airways and being able to breathe. If you do go into labour there, are you prepared to make 5 stops on the journey home? It could take all day!

Also, I ended up being in hospital for ten days with my first. It will be a bit miserable for your husband to have to either stay in a hotel or travel back and forth.

BadKnee · 05/12/2016 10:12

No. YABU

You have no idea how you will be. You may well not feel in the least like going anywhere when you are as fat as a house, needing a wee every five minutes or cosy with a newborn, (feeding every two hours).

I felt great with DD1 and worked up until 36 weeks. On Due date however - she was already three weeks old but I was exhausted, feeding all the time, hardly got out of my tracksuit. She never slept and screamed when not feeding or being carried.

DS - I was in labour on due date - but the four weeks before I could barely walk as baby pressed on sciatic nerve. When he was born he was ill and didn't feed - so I wouldn't have been going to a wedding then either.

Mad to even consider it.

shinynewusername · 05/12/2016 10:13

Why don't you decline the invitation, explaining why but say that - if you feel up to it nearer the time - you'd love to come if they have any last minute cancellations? That way, you haven't wasted their money but have kept your options open.

mouldycheesefan · 05/12/2016 10:14

Don't do it. What on earth is the point for a wedding whe you hardly know anyone? Crazy? By nine months you want to lie on the sofa not travel for hours.
The night my babies were born I had been invited to a school reunion 6 hours away. Thank goodness I didn't go, it wouldn't have been the greatest place to go into labour.

My babies were in nicu for a few weeks, if yours was in nicu for any reason you do know they send you home without the babies? What would you do in that situation?

What's the reason that your really want to go, it's a bit baffling!