Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being over optimistic to think this is doable?

310 replies

Whatallama · 05/12/2016 09:21

My husband and I have been invited to a family wedding about 3 hours away from where we live. It's not immediate family, but I'd like to go if at all possible. It's my husbands side of the family, not that it makes much difference.

The problem is that I'm pregnant with our first, and this wedding is on the due date. My husband thinks we'd be nuts to go, but I think it may be doable. If the baby comes before, chances are we wouldn't make it, but if I'm still pregnant, there's no complications, and I still feel ok, then I'm thinking we could do it.

Obviously, we'd have to take everything with us in the car, in case I went into labour there (we'd probably stay the night of the wedding), so all the baby things, car seat, my stuff, maternity notes etc.

Ideally I'd like to just see how we're doing, but I'm not sure that's fair on the bride and groom, because they may well be wasting money on us.

It's still 6 months away, and they don't even know that I'm pregnant yet, but we'll need to chat things through with them.

I know many people will think I'm nuts for even considering this, but if I'm well, AIBU to think that with proper planning, its possible?

OP posts:
Hellochicken · 05/12/2016 10:15

I'd have gone, based on how I felt all 4 times. But you can't know now and you may have a baby by then. If friend accepts there is a good chance you won't end up going and as long as you think it wont be inconvenient to them, then you can keep option open.

BadKnee · 05/12/2016 10:17

Oh and my SiL went on a family visit five weeks before Due Date. Almost gave birth in the car - ambulance called to motorway etc etc.

Heirhelp · 05/12/2016 10:17

What happens if your baby comes when you are there? Current advise if they can only stay in the car seat for 20 mins at a time.

LostMyBigGirlPants · 05/12/2016 10:18

Also, what if you go into labour on the day itself? During the actual ceremony?! A sure fire way of stealing the bride's thunder!

Purplebluebird · 05/12/2016 10:18

I would absolutely not go.

Original poster
Whatallama · 05/12/2016 10:21

Mummy, at present I'm not intending on following that advice - its based on just 19 full term babies (and some premature babies) - so a small sample size, and it doesn't show there is a risk necessarily, but that it can alter heart, breathing rates etc. So can many things that babies do, it doesn't mean there's a risk.

I'm trying to hunt down a copy of the paper on this, to properly evaluate it, but at present, I'll carry on with what people have been doing for decades, and not concern myself with this.

OP posts:
JosephineMaynard · 05/12/2016 10:22

I'm with your DH on this one.
Different if you were closer to bride / groom, or the wedding was on your doorstep - but a 6 hr round trip on your due date for people you don't know all that well? I wouldn't do it. (All my DC turned up before their due dates, and the earliest hospital discharge for the DC we had was 5 days post birth, so no guarantee of being in and out quickly)

Aside from how fit you're feeling, there's a serious chance you'll have to pull out at the last minute, which obviously isn't ideal for the bride / groom.

Bluntness100 · 05/12/2016 10:22

No, I wouldn't even consider this either and I suspect the only reason you are is because you've never been nine months pregnant before, few woman would want to do what you're suggesting.

It's not just the discomfort, it's the logistics if something happens, it's a risk not worth taking and it's very unfair on the couple involved.

baconandeggies · 05/12/2016 10:23

wasn't the study abandoned as the researchers were so concerned by the poor obs they were getting?

ChicRock · 05/12/2016 10:23

I would decline the invitation now.

It's all very well saying you plan to be there but there's every chance you won't, and it's the bride and groom's money you're gambling with here, not your own.

Original poster
Whatallama · 05/12/2016 10:24

Mouldy, we'd hire a airbnb flat for a couple of weeks if we had to stay. I certainly wouldn't expect to be staying in hospital.
I want to go because it's a family wedding, and life doesn't stop just because I'm having a baby.

Big girl pants - a discrete and speedy departure, I'd have thought.

OP posts:
user1480182169 · 05/12/2016 10:25

I would have with my first, actually I sort of did. I was 11 days late and on the due date I went to a party 2 hours away. All well.
Your choice.

flowery · 05/12/2016 10:25

There is no way you are going to want to sit in a car for three hours when you are 9 months pregnant. There is also no way you will want to socialise for hours at a wedding. At that stage you will want to be lying on the sofa in jogging bottoms bemoaning how uncomfortable you are and begging the baby to GET OUT NOW!

LostMyBigGirlPants · 05/12/2016 10:26

what. Grin

Goingtobeawesome · 05/12/2016 10:26

I'd discuss it with them and offer to reimburse them if you don't go. Doesn't change the fact that they may have left out two other people who could have gone to invite you though.

baconandeggies · 05/12/2016 10:26

life doesn't stop just because I'm having a baby.

I thought this might be behind your thinking. Trust me - you have to be prepared for life to stop, turn upside down, inside out, back to front and round again... In the nicest possible sense, you have no idea :)

FlyingElbows · 05/12/2016 10:30

"Life doesn't stop just because I'm having a baby" said everyone who's never had a baby!!

Original poster
Whatallama · 05/12/2016 10:31

Bacon, not that I've heard. Here's the abstract, can't get the full article.

fnbeta.bmj.com/content/early/2016/09/30/archdischild-2016-310730

It's something they need to look into, but it sounds pretty early to draw conclusions yet into how safe it is for babies. Given that babies have been traveling in car seats for far longer than 30 mins (and I'm not sure where that time comes from), I'll stick to the old way for now.

OP posts:
Crystalline · 05/12/2016 10:34

It's not the wedding itself, it's the sitting in the car for that length of time that will be the problem. You have friends who have been very active in late pregnancy (and I was too), but sitting still in a car for hours on end is a different matter.

mouldycheesefan · 05/12/2016 10:35

I kinda think life does have to stop a bit when you are nine months pg. you can't do the same things you would otherwise.
I think you are either desperate to attend a wedding of some people you hardly know for some unspecified reason that overrides sanity or you are very naive.
If you expect life not to change when you have a baby, it is be the latter.

Re renting an air B and B if your kids are in nicu, assume your dh would be back at work as most dads with babies in nicu save their paternity for when baby gets home, so you would be in an air B and B in a strange toWn in your own with a baby in nicu. And you think that's fine.

I think you are in for a big shock when baby comes.

Lovelyskin · 05/12/2016 10:37

I was walking around the supermarket in early labour, I still wouldn't attend a wedding on my due date!

Passmethecrisps · 05/12/2016 10:38

To give another dimension i attended a wedding 4 hours from home 4 days before my due date.

We drove down the day before with all equipment needed, stayed over at in laws. Attended wedding then drove back up that night.

We explained to couple we might not make it and they were happy to take the risk.

I had been bored stupid, felt big but generally well and it was a nice distraction.

I am now pregnant with number 2 and weirdly I can't see me being happy to do the again though despite it being fine the first time.

It sounds immensely patronising when people tell you how much your life will change and I was of a similar mind that I would just jog on.

Do what you are comfortable with, op, but try to be patient with yourself

Trifleorbust · 05/12/2016 10:40

No, life doesn't stop just because you are having a baby. What is your plan if you go into labour in terms of your hospital arrangements, though? I am about 25 mins from my hospital and wouldn't want to be admitted to a random maternity unit somewhere if I went into labour away from home.

Maverickismywingman · 05/12/2016 10:41

Aside from logistics, I think you might find you'll be just too knackered.

DailyMailCrap · 05/12/2016 10:41

From american academy of pediatrics

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/04/150424084959.htm

From the NHS re: car seat cot death

www.dbh.nhs.uk/Library/Patient_Information_Leaflets/WPR43210%20Car%20Seat%20Cot%20Death.pdf

Ultimately it's your choice and it seems like you've made your decision, but I strongly suggest you sit in the back with the newborn on the 3 hour drive back and regularly check it's breathing.