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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having a nice house makes people happy.

135 replies

FallingApartAtTheSeamsAgain · 14/11/2016 18:09

My current house is kind of crappy. It's not planned out very well, is old, needs lots work and just looks really tired. It's small too. I hate it and dream of living somewhere nicer where I've done the whole house up to my taste etc.

The house is a bit of a squeeze for our family but we manage by decluttering/ organising etc.

I think a nicer house would actually make me more happy and improve my quality of life but DH disagrees and thinks that I would be just the same. He thinks moving or redoing/ extending this house up would mean I would just latch onto something else to make me happier.

OP posts:
bummymummy77 · 14/11/2016 18:10

For me at least my surroundings have a huge affect on my mood.

ShamblesPlsHelp · 14/11/2016 18:13

YABU. Speaking from experience it does not. Perhaps for some but for me it hasn't made me happy. If all I had to be unhappy about was wishing I had a bigger house then I think I would be happy iyswim

Twinkletowedelephant · 14/11/2016 18:14

We lived in a flat we now live in a house with enough bedroom the kids get one each...it's not fine but the sense of calmness I get now coming home is worth it :)

ShamblesPlsHelp · 14/11/2016 18:14

Should have said bigger or nicer house

DementedUnicorn · 14/11/2016 18:14

My rented semi is old and scruffy and I really don't care. But there's a massive difference in my mood dependant on how tidy is so I'm on the fence

chickenowner · 14/11/2016 18:16

I agree, your home has a huge influence on happiness and wellbeing.

However I also think that it's possible to make almost any house or flat homely and welcoming. I've managed it with a huge variety of places over the years, from a single student room, to flats and now with my lovely cottage. Smile

It's all about not having too much stuff, having a place for everything and only having decor, furniture, soft furnishings, etc, that you like. And keeping the place clean and tidy!

cuibozo · 14/11/2016 18:16

Yes, I know what you mean.

I had new dark wooden flooring put in last year, painted everywhere and bought a new sofa.

I love being at home now.

Original poster
FallingApartAtTheSeamsAgain · 14/11/2016 18:16

shamble yes I do understand what you're saying. But it's really hard coming home to a house that just doesn't feel like a home to me. It needs a lot of work cosmetically and structural and there is no way in the world I'd be able to afford it.

OP posts:
HoneyDragon · 14/11/2016 18:17

Different strokes for different folks. When we were finally able to move to a bigger house we were all vastly happier and contented.

I genuinely had no idea that we would be. But I love no longer having to keep propping things up until 'it can be done properly' and constantly decluttering. We have less free cash as a result of a bigger mortgage but a much more content family.

formerbabe · 14/11/2016 18:18

I completely agree op. I find my home is kind of the centre of my world. If I'm not happy with it, it really affects me. I spent a year living somewhere I hated...I was so miserable. I then moved to somewhere I loved...it changed my life.

SpookyPotato · 14/11/2016 18:19

I agree. I spend a lot of time at home so I want it to feel nice. I only have a small one bed and haven't spent lots but I've made it cosy and mine... it does make me happy.

WhisperingLoudly · 14/11/2016 18:19

My immediate surroundings are really important to me. I love having a home that is comfortable, practical and beautiful.

Original poster
FallingApartAtTheSeamsAgain · 14/11/2016 18:20

It's not just about me. My young kids love going to my brother's house whose is ginormous compared to mine. They love the space and comment on how lovely his house is!

OP posts:
stitchglitched · 14/11/2016 18:20

It did for me. We moved into a lovely brand new house 6 months ago. Our old house was too small for our needs, always seemed cluttered and scruffy. Having so much space, DC getting their own rooms and being in a better location has done wonders for my mental health.

CatSittingMonkey · 14/11/2016 18:21

I agree OP.

My home is my sanctuary and after two long years I have it re-designed exactly how I want it and the sense of calm I now get from being here is immeasurable.

I cringe when I remember how it used to be.

FameNameGameLame · 14/11/2016 18:21

For me my environment is very important

PortiaCastis · 14/11/2016 18:21

I sas happier in a hostel than I was in a vary naice house suffering DV

Grumpyoldblonde · 14/11/2016 18:22

I agree too, my home is my sanctuary. I also agree though that almost any dwelling can become a lovely place to live even on a shoestring if there are no major works to be done. I think most people have a 'dream home' in their mind.

heron98 · 14/11/2016 18:23

I agree.

I lived in a bedsit for a few years before I met DP. I didn't have room for a bed so slept on the floor in a duvet.

I was so fucking miserable there - I hated it.

I am so much happier in a house with a bit of space and a choice of rooms to sit in.

Original poster
FallingApartAtTheSeamsAgain · 14/11/2016 18:23

That's just it. I am really unhappy here and I really think moving would help me. The silly house prices mean that I am stuck. I would be going from one crap house to another. Everything I look at in my price range is just not what I want. I feel I am destined to grow old here and it really saddens me.

OP posts:
NattyTile · 14/11/2016 18:23

Depends what you mean by nice house, I think.

It might be shallow, but we redecorated the sitting room, and I just love it now. It makes me happy. Very happy. I draw the curtains, light sparkly candles, sit in my comfy chair with my lovely rug, and take enormous satisfaction from being in this room, knowing that I created it and it is mine.

Before we decorated, I still sat in the same chair, but I looked at dingy walls and dirty curtains and it was depressing.

A big clear out, some new storage, paint, paper and curtains, and it feels bigger, and more home.

I'd say I have a nicer house now; even though we haven't moved.

ifcatscouldtalk · 14/11/2016 18:25

I feel as you do at the moment OP and i'm trying to pull myself out of this and be grateful. When I first moved here I loved it but guess I assumed i'd of upsized by now.I think as humans we always strive for more. Obviously there are much worse problems than a small house but I do know where your coming from.

mum2Bomg · 14/11/2016 18:26

I was miserable in our old house but the heating didn't work properly and there was no bath AND the shower was crap and the loo didn't flush properly. Sooooo much happier in our new home.

SemiNormal · 14/11/2016 18:26

I don't think it's necessarily about size. I know some people with smaller places than mine that just look more 'finished' than my place somehow, no matter how much I clean and tidy! I think an interior designer or someone could work wonders with my home but I'm a bit crap at all that if I'm honest (and a bit too stingy when it comes to spending).

statetrooperstacey · 14/11/2016 18:26

Absolutely, completely agree. It's very disheartening to tidy and clean and it still just looks 'a bit shit'. I have lived I'm my house for over twenty years, I've knocked out walls and rebuilt bits had different plaster board walls up over the years and gone from a 3 bed to a 5 bed back down to a 4 bed all in the same house. It is only the last 2 years have completely gutted and done downstairs from scratch, every single thing I have picked because I love it or it's useful, the pleasure I get from just being in my home is wonderful. Def lifts the spirits! It's also easier to live in and easier to clean and keep tidy .
We decided it was cheaper to stay here and just make changes along the way, as our family changed and grew. Also have moved bathrooms around.
have a good look at your current house and see if there are any changes to be made to make it more user friendly, then get a quote, then present it to your DH. See if you can get him on board when you have done some homework.
Failing that just fucking paint everything Egyptian cotton and spend a load of money on rugs and some expensive lamps.