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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that having a nice house makes people happy.

135 replies

FallingApartAtTheSeamsAgain · 14/11/2016 18:09

My current house is kind of crappy. It's not planned out very well, is old, needs lots work and just looks really tired. It's small too. I hate it and dream of living somewhere nicer where I've done the whole house up to my taste etc.

The house is a bit of a squeeze for our family but we manage by decluttering/ organising etc.

I think a nicer house would actually make me more happy and improve my quality of life but DH disagrees and thinks that I would be just the same. He thinks moving or redoing/ extending this house up would mean I would just latch onto something else to make me happier.

OP posts:

SemiNormal · 14/11/2016 18:27

Forgot to say - YANBU, I think I'd be much happier in a 'nicer' home.

Chottie · 14/11/2016 18:27

I love my home too. It is my sanctuary. I come home from work and bolt the front door and just enjoy :)

Frouby · 14/11/2016 18:28

We moved 2 years ago from a cold, damp, miserable 2 bed victorian terrace to a lovely warm cosy 3 bed new build.

I luffs it. It feels like home. It's warm and cosy and clean and tidy and just nice. It does need redecorating which I will do after Christmas but it's still a lot better than what we had.

Want2bSupermum · 14/11/2016 18:29

I think you need to really think about what it is that is making you 'not happy'. If it is the house don't just say you want to move or redo it. Go out and find out what you can afford, what is available in that price range and what your options are to renovate your current home. After you have done that go talk to your DH with all of this on the table.

Just be careful with what you wish for. A bigger home means not only a bigger mortgage but higher utilities and more space to hoard stuff. It also takes much longer to clean a bigger home.

You need to seriously consider why you have clutter and look at the storage solutions available to contain it. We all have clutter and a cluttered home clutters my mind at least.

Trying321 · 14/11/2016 18:30

Have only read the OP. I agree with you. When we were living in a tiny cramped flat I had nowhere for my clothes and everything was a mess. It was stressful. Life is easier and I'm happier with a nicer home. It's proven that less clutter and more space makes people much less stressed.

baconandeggies · 14/11/2016 18:31

Depends how horrible it is!

princessconsuelabannahammock · 14/11/2016 18:32

I have lived in loads of houses. The ones that I really hated were the ones where I couldn't change the negative points - I.e just too small or stupid layout.

I have made houses nicer and more homely and enjoyed living there but if it's just too small then it's just too small

We compromised on location to move to our forever home but we love it now. The area is much more suited to a family and the house has much more space than we could have afforded otherwise. Nothing is too our taste and we are slowly getting there. It feels like home and I don't want to move.

The other thing that affects my state of mind is the tidiness so I am on a massive declutter. At least in a big house I have space to put stuff.

Your DH is wrong! Hth!

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 14/11/2016 18:33

YANBU. I don't need to live in a palace to be happy but just having my home clean, nicely decorated and smelling nice does lift my mood. I moved house in Jan and can't afford to decorate but last week I decided to put up my pictures/mirrors/ornaments etc and just doing that has made a difference.

sj257 · 14/11/2016 18:34

I'm struggling a lot with this at the moment. I think if we just had the money for better storage/space saving then that would help somewhat. I don't like being stuck in the house at the moment as it all just grates on me.

AbernathysFringe · 14/11/2016 18:35

For me it's the area the house is in, rather than the house itself. As the great wise Karl Pilkington said, 'I'd rather be in a hole looking at a palace than in a palace looking at a hole'.

PaulDacresConscience · 14/11/2016 18:35

YANBU. Do I think it's the root cause to happiness? No. I do however think it can have a significant impact on your day-to-day happiness though.

I hate where I live. It's too small, parking is a nightmare - and there's a multitude of other niggles which when added together become quite big. I've made it as nice as I can which has helped a bit. But I still hate it and dream of the day we can move out of here.

I know I am lucky to own my own home and have a roof over my head - and there are plenty of people who are worse off. But I am also a believer in enjoying it while you have it. Life is short; I don't want to wish my life away thinking 'next year', simply because you don't know if you'll have a next year. Life should be enjoyed in the here and now.

expatinscotland · 14/11/2016 18:37

YANBU

itsgottabeblackorwhite · 14/11/2016 18:38

Definitely and its not about the size of the home for me its a feeling of being safe, nice neighbours, my things around me and obviously my family, and then somewhere nicely looked after and clean is just a perfect haven. I remember a lovely room I had once as a graduate, granted it was a nice house but for the first time I had space to put my stuff around me and make my time there cosy.

RandomMess · 14/11/2016 18:41

You can't afford to move so what can you afford to do now to improve how the house is in your eyes?

Focus on have 1 or 2 rooms that are tidy, decorated to your taste etc.

MatildaTheCat · 14/11/2016 18:45

YANBU. However, if you can't afford to move can you come up with some practical ideas for ways to improve your environment until you can?

Sometimes moving furniture around, changing rooms over, getting rid of one piece for another ( free sometimes), painting things, all can make a difference.

KarmaNoMore · 14/11/2016 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bertucci · 14/11/2016 18:46

I agree.

I love returning from holidays as I briefly see my house with fresh eyes and realise how lovely it is. By the next day, I'm back to finding fault!

gamerwidow · 14/11/2016 18:46

Having clean and tidy living space makes me happy. It would be no good having a bigger better decorated house if there was still clutter everywhere. I think sometimes you've just got to use the space you've got more wisely to make a difference. having more space can mean you fill it with more stuff and you end up back at square one with a messy crowed house.

KarmaNoMore · 14/11/2016 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EndoTheWorld · 14/11/2016 18:48

My flat was so creepy when I viewed it that I instantly decided I could never live in it. It's not a great area but this flat in partiuclar was just... ugh. Not just dated fittings/decor but really unpleasant somehow. Felt like the scene of a crime!

Have now lived here several years, painted, put up pictures, hung nice curtains (some from freecycle!) and people comment on how nice/cosy it is. I think your suroundings do make a real difference, but that you can make any place feel nicer.

ifcatscouldtalk · 14/11/2016 18:52

Tbh thinking about it the actual size of the house and need to decorate doesn't grate so much.However things I can't change about the house though, mid terrace and listening to elephant footsteps next door and knowing that they must hear us too. There is no way on earth I will ever afford a dettached or semi in this area but this is where we are stuck by school/jobs/family/friends. Our whole life is here. The feeling of being stuck is what grates when I'm having a bad day.

Olympiathequeen · 14/11/2016 18:54

Provided it doesn't cause more stress by being more in debt and have very little money to actually live on, I think it does.

I have a reasonably nice house but certainly not palatial, and I love to look at the garden and the newly decorated rooms, but even then I still notice things that need doing, so you are never satisfied.

Halloweensnake · 14/11/2016 18:55

I spend far to much time in costa coffee shops,because I can't relax at home...not my thread ,so won't go in to detail.but I understand op and agree

BoomBoomsCousin · 14/11/2016 19:00

In the last 10 years I've lived in 5 different homes. The ones that needed work and were not in great decorative order had quite a large impact on my quality of life. Oddly, space was not the issue I would have thought it would be, if the home was well organized with plenty of storage space, we didn't need so much floor space. The worst house we had was a large old Victorian that needed lots of work and that I thought would be our dream house, but we never managed to make it an easy place to live. The best a small modern flat with services in the building (shop, dry cleaner, gym). It was blissful.

It had such an impact on me that it completely changed the way I dream about the future!

Bue · 14/11/2016 19:01

Having a lovely space to live in definitely has a direct effect on my happiness, yes. It's not the same for everyone though. My DH doesn't care that much and I know lots of other people (women and men) for whom it isn't a priority.

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