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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having a nice house makes people happy.

135 replies

FallingApartAtTheSeamsAgain · 14/11/2016 18:09

My current house is kind of crappy. It's not planned out very well, is old, needs lots work and just looks really tired. It's small too. I hate it and dream of living somewhere nicer where I've done the whole house up to my taste etc.

The house is a bit of a squeeze for our family but we manage by decluttering/ organising etc.

I think a nicer house would actually make me more happy and improve my quality of life but DH disagrees and thinks that I would be just the same. He thinks moving or redoing/ extending this house up would mean I would just latch onto something else to make me happier.

OP posts:
Ditsy4 · 14/11/2016 19:42

So do something about it yourself. Make a plan to work towards. Save some money, work extra hours or spend less on other stuff.
I got fed up with DH not bothering so I saved up and paid someone to do the things I couldn't or didn't have time to do. It is great. Not only did he do the job but he did it the way I wanted. Several small jobs completed and a large one. Saving up for the next round😄
I think woman are perhaps more affected.
I would feel very comfortable sitting there Shadowboy. It is very pretty.

WhisperingLoudly · 14/11/2016 19:47

glasshalfemp

Personally family space is the priority for me. E.g. I love having a big kitchen table the whole family can sit round. We have a good amount of family space: den/TV room/office/sitting room/dining room etc and I'd give up a lot of bedroom space before we got rid of any of the family areas.

The space allows us to all be together sort of separately - which leads to family harmony Grin

sunfunshine · 14/11/2016 19:49

We bought 'the worst house in the best street' and it was really horrible for ages and I hated it and wouldn't have people to visit if I could avoid it. Horrible floors, horrendous visible electric cables, freezing cold and it didn't feel like home. 10 years later, two extensions, ridiculous amounts of remodelling and I love it. YADNBU, but we're broke now......so you makes your choices but I would rather have a home I'm happy in than nice holidays for two weeks a year.

MakeItStopNeville · 14/11/2016 19:50

It all really depends on what level of house you're living in, I guess. I would be utterly miserable in a tiny, dark and depressing place. However, as much as I love our current, large home, I don't think it makes me any happier than when we lived in a 3 bedroom terrace as I loved that too.

Concentrate on the main living space. If you can get that working, it will make all the difference.

PlumsGalore · 14/11/2016 19:51

My house is fairly modest, but it is furnished to my taste, it has good quality fittings and a lovely garden. I am happy and have no desire to move, YANBU

Avebury · 14/11/2016 19:53

Totally agree - we have always lived in tied housing with DH job and so have never 'chosen' a home.

Currently we are really lucky and living somewhere beautiful. The space and therefore lack of clutter makes time at home so much more pleasant and I seem to spend a lot less time cleaning and tidying.

Sadly we are likely to move again within a year and it will be hard to leave.

KateInKorea · 14/11/2016 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaQueen · 14/11/2016 20:00

Totally agree OP. My mood is hugely influenced by my surroundings. I have been known to walk out of hotels if I'm not happy with the décor - it actually offends me to pay good money for a room which isn't tastefully decorated.

I spend a lot of time making our home beautiful. It's a lovely Georgian house, which is decorated in neutral tones, and has lots of natural light. I can't abide mess or clutter, so it's always very tidy and I love the calm atmosphere as I walk through the door.

I'm never happier than when I'm faffing with scented candles, or buying fluffy towels. Apparently, even as a very little girl I had very definite ideas about how my bedroom should look. I buy lots of glossy interiors magazines and I'm always moving furniture, or repainting a wall.

LeSquigh · 14/11/2016 20:06

I agree too. The house I live in now is rented, expensive, Victorian (new would be my choice), never warm, not been decorated for years and has a bitch landlord.

We have to live in a certain area (a very small radius) for DP work. We can't get a mortgage because we are skint and I have awful credit.

The whole thing gets me down massively but I don't see a way out.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 14/11/2016 20:10

I think I'm quite good at feeling at home even though it's a bit messy.
Right here I have a small kitchen table covered in a lot of papers, a computer with this thread up, and a glass of wine. I feel pretty content perhaps the wine helps! And DS just home after a short trip away

RubbishMantra · 14/11/2016 20:11

My little house makes me happy. It's a sweet little Victorian terrace, in a lovely town. It's a bit smaller than my last house, but cost double.

Once house was re-furbished, and it was all finished, I would look around me in amazement at what a lovely little house I have. I spent a lot of time on Ebay, finding the right fittings.

The house I previously owned never felt like "home", just a house.

OhFuuuuuuuuuuck · 14/11/2016 20:13

We moved from an old, cold, dark house to a large, light, warm and generally lovely home.

It's the best thing that ever happened to us and I am ONE BILLION times happier here. There is no clutter. It's easier to keep clean. We're not under each other's feet. DCs both have their own room and we have a study. Each of us has physical and mental space. Like many others on this thread, my mood is so dependant on my surroundings.

Flowersonthewall · 14/11/2016 20:17

I'm in the same situation op. My house desperately needs updating,extending and all redecoration but funds won't allow it and it definitely affects how I feel in the house. Walk in and does make my heart sink. I try to alleviate it by keeping it tidy hmm with 3 kids not easy and in the evening dim lights and candles so I can't see the horrible walls, curtains and cracks!

winterisnigh · 14/11/2016 20:21

Yes living somewhere that pleases YOU will help your mood.

I am extremely sensitive to my surroundings and lots of concrete monoliths make me feel miserable.In our old house the wood chip and orange pine also made me feel sad. The new room makes me feel happy now and in ten years it still makes me feel happy when I look around it!

Rrross1ges · 14/11/2016 20:25

I had a house that my friends called the Southfork Ranch. It was very modern, had 4 beds, 3 baths, 4 reception rooms and a football pitch garden. It was perfect and pristine. I loved the house but the heating bills and council tax were crippling. It was in the back end of nowhere so we had to run 2 cars (£100 + per week on petrol). I was bored, isolated, freezing cold and miserable. We've since relocated to a miniscule Georgian terrace with a tiny garden, bugger all storage, sloping floors, and a horrible fireplace that I can't change because it's listed. It is frustrating dealing with the lack of space but it is a warm, cosy, welcoming house. And it's within 50 yards of York city walls. And we're happy because we live in a fantastic community in the most beautiful city.

MuseumOfCurry · 14/11/2016 20:30

God yes. We're middle aged and predictably house obsessed.

I love my house so, so much - it's perfect for us.

And it's within 50 yards of York city walls

I'm green with envy!

allegretto · 14/11/2016 20:32

We moved a few months ago into a bigger flat (still not huge but bigger and lighter than the old one). I am so much happier! My heart used to just sink every time I came home. I love it here now - although I may still be in the honeymoon period!

Smartleatherbag · 14/11/2016 20:33

Having lived in a shit hole, I totally agree with you OP. Our home is very modest, but it is peaceful, warm and cosy. A real sanctuary. I am very grateful every day. I consider the 4yrs we lived in the previous house we hated, to have been utterly miserable.

Bobochic · 14/11/2016 20:33

Yes of course living in a lovely home makes you happy! Why would people spend so much money on houses if it didn't?

notangelinajolie · 14/11/2016 20:39

Having a nice house has a huge impact on my happiness. If I wasn't happy - I would do something about it - even if I had no money and no other place to go I would throw out all the crap and make it fresh and clean.

Bluntness100 · 14/11/2016 20:45

I've lived in a few houses, and I've liked them all to varying degrees, some more than others, we know live in an old listed building set in three acres, and we've bankrupted ourselves nearly doing it up, but good god, I love it, it's so, so pretty, even the delivery men say " wow, what a lovely spot" and every morning, even in winter, I go outside and think " wow, I can't believe I actually live here" . I was brought up in a council house, and I live in fear of losing my job and/ or something bad happening and we can't afford to live here any more, because genuinely, it's the best place I ever lived and I love it.

Yes, it makes a huge difference. It really does. And as said, i say that as someone who's lived at both ends of the spectrum and everywhere in between,

ZoFloMoFo · 14/11/2016 20:46

Your surroundings and your home can of course have an effect on your mood.

But I think that your DH has suggested that you'd find something else to pin your happiness (or rather, unhappiness) onto is quite telling.

My mum is unhappy. She just has this deep unhappiness within herself. She has blamed it on various people/things/situations over the years. "I'll be happy if/when..." is her catchphrase. She has changed jobs, quit work altogether, made my dad move house, gutted and completely renovated homes, made my dad move towns... and she's still not happy.

Does your DH have a point?

MrsCharlieD · 14/11/2016 20:53

Couldn't agree more. My home is my sanctuary. It's on a 3 beds semi on a new estate but after years of renting, getting onto the property ladder was a tremendous achievement. I picked everything from carpets to kitchen tiles and we've really put our style and personality into it. I feel anxious and unhappy if it gets messy, a tidy and organised home is important for my mental health.

Bluebolt · 14/11/2016 20:55

Having the right space that suits is nice, my close friend went full open plan (except utility) as she believed it would be perfect family living. Two years on and she is selling, it was her dream and will be an expensive loss. She never stopped tidying and her teenagers ended up retreating to their bedrooms. Sometimes the dream is not all that great. My favourite home was my first the smallest and dingiest of the 5 houses I have lived in but the most amazing neighbours.

DeleteOrDecay · 14/11/2016 21:07

I agree, for me it made a huge difference when we moved from our old rental to our current one. It hasn't solved all my problems but living in a house that I genuinely love and is more suited to our needs as a family has really improved my well being overall.