To think that having a nice house makes people happy.

[FallingApartAtTheSeamsAgain]

My current house is kind of crappy. It's not planned out very well, is old, needs lots work and just looks really tired. It's small too. I hate it and dream of living somewhere nicer where I've done the whole house up to my taste etc.

The house is a bit of a squeeze for our family but we manage by decluttering/ organising etc.

I think a nicer house would actually make me more happy and improve my quality of life but DH disagrees and thinks that I would be just the same. He thinks moving or redoing/ extending this house up would mean I would just latch onto something else to make me happier.

Myself and DH were married at 18, he was in the Army so we moved to Germany and spent the first 8 years in a little pokey flat, the last two years withDS1. We then moved to a tiny little three bed house (still an Army quarter) with DS1 and DD1. Fast forward 12 years and DH is no longer in the Army. He gets paid very well to diffuse bombs and we (me, DH and the four little peeps) live in a rather large 7 bed house. I'm absolutely no happier now than when we didn't have a pot to puss in. I really think it's the people in your life that bring you happiness although saying that I think I feel much more secure. If the boiler breaks we have money to just call someone else to fix or replace it. That definitely makes you more happy. Security.

My house isn't great, but my New Years resolution is to try and get it as nice as I can. The one room which is finished does make me feel better being in there rather than the rest of the house.

Oh God yes.

We moved from a tiny, tiny, cramped privately rented cottage with a damp problem and a tiny back yard, right on a busy road, to a spacious new build HA house, with a decent sized garden, on a street that's so quiet that I can let DS1 play out and let DS2 run in front of me when we go out to the car.

The feeling of safety, spaciousness, and satisfaction at being able to let the kids play is amazing. I feel like I've won the lottery- and, in light of the current housing crisis, I pretty much have.

Everyone who needs it should be able to access decent and affordable housing!

Totally agree. I'm not obsessively tidy but I love making my home look nice and cosy and buying pretty things to fill it. It definitely improves my mood when everything is nicely arranged (which doesn't last long with 15mo DD around! )

I'm not sure having a "bigger/nicer" house makes you happier - but a tidy, nice, calm living environment is fantastic for your mental wellbeing.

So like, if you are by a v busy road and you are stressed about your Chikdren getting onto the road, or you have a lot of people in a small house, or you have a damp problem, or you are just a messy fucker who doesn't appreciate a minimalistic lifestyle...! Those things will stress you out.

Why does your DH think that about you? Does he have a point? Are you deeply unhappy in some way? Do you know why? Are you inherently dissatisfied, uncomfortable with yourself and your relationship to the world? Are you anxious and obsessive about things? Have you always been like this?

I think surroundings can make a difference. Just as a change of job can, when one place is a nicer, more supportive place to work, that works better than another. You can drag yourself down for years 'making do' and making excuses, placing responsibility for battling on and making things ok, with yourself. Then change jobs, or houses and find the absence of that stress and burden just makes life so much easier and happier.

So, if you are fundamentally unhappy, an external change is not going to solve that. But, where your circumstances exacerbate your unhappiness, a change can make it so much easier to overcome or work round it, focus your energy on positive things, so you can gradually build nurture and build a happier version of yourself within.

The state of my house has a huge affect o my mood, but it doesn't have to be big to be welcoming - I have been as happy in a one bed flat (that had a wonderful entertainers' balcony) as I am in my current house. I hate looking around and seeing clutter, crap or constant reminders of work that needs to be done.

Could you gussy up one room to be your room, that makes you happy at least?

Take control then OP. You can't move because of house prices. You can learn DIY and earn more money and do the place up yourself!

Thanks everyone.

I think with me one of the problems is that I never wanted this house in the first place. I genuinely hated it but DH refused to listen to me and bought it anyway.

The whole decor of the house is nothing to my taste. The bedrooms had those inbuilt wardrobes with cupboards that go all around the top of the bed etc which just didn't work for me. The bed didn't even fit in. I ended up living out of boxes because of the poor design. The house itself is also poorly designed, narrow and the bedrooms are small. Ive always wanted a garden- it's got a yard. Parking is a nightmare. Fly tipping is so common here. I'm the corner house so people dump things against the side of my wall.
I like a couple of reception rooms but this only has one and the downstairs living space is all open plan which I hate.

Buying the house meant we had emptied our savings and have been broke ever since ( had 2 redundancies in that time too).

It wasn't till 5 years after buying it, that i did my bedroom up. It might sound like a bit over the top but just this alone improved my quality of life massively.

So far I've done up the bedrooms and downstairs loo. The rest of it is still ugly. I am very tidy and declutter regularly but it still looks crap.

It's been a hard slog to just even get to this stage. Each room needs gutting out and that costs money which i don't really have. DH wants to save up for the living room but I just don't want to spend another penny on it anymore.

We've been here ten years and part of me feels it's affected my quality of life and hence happiness.

DH saying I might not be happy somewhere else is more of a general remark when we were discussing happiness and houses. He doesn't seem to be affected si much by the state of his home. Maybe since I am at home more I feel it more.

yup.
when we moved from a small three bed that needed everything doing, new floors, kitchen, bathroom, painting, skirting boards, the garden needed serious work, to a slightly bigger 3 bed new build my life changed immeasurably for the better. it was having nothing that was a huge amount of money to spend on my list of things that would make the house liveable. it could be cleaned and then it was perfect. the sense of calm is unparalleled. it's not about size so much either. we have since moved to a flat and whilst smaller, it's under 10 years old and needs very little work. which makes it easy to live here.

YANBU
I loved our old house.Id never felt so. Safe and comfortable before we moved there and I absolutely loved being at home. It was tiny however and we had to move when dd2 came along.all we could afford that was big enough was our current house, but other than the size ta not something we would have chosen at all.I hate it, and I don't feel at home here even though we've been here 9 years.It has has a huge negative effect on me-without me even realising it I think.

We have a small flat but slowly we are doing up all the things that need doing and it's making me happier to be here. It is depressing when you hate your space but it can be changes and you can make it your own and it will do wonders for how you feel towards it.

I hope so OP. We're nearing the end of a 16 month refurb that went massively over budget and I'm close to breakdown. It had better make us happy!

OP, sometimes just saying 'sod it, I'm going for it myself' helps.
I've spent years trying to convince exH that a new TV that works, a non mouldy washing machine, a nice rug etc would improve our quality of life. I got told there's nothing wrong with it and I'm just trying to keep up with the Joneses.
However. Every time I decided enough is enough and went against his wishes (more like just went ahead with it, didn't even bother consulting with him), he loved it. He loved the new TV, loved the home comforts, loved the newly painted and decorated walls etc. He just didn't want to put the work or the money in.
Maybe that's what's dragging you down too.

What makes me fundamentally happy is the health and love of my family.
Home comes close second. I am just about to start the moving process. Can't wait to find a nice home and get it just right for us.

When I stay with a friend in their very small cluttered cottage I am at my happiest and most relaxed , it just has a lovely calm atmosphere ( even with the clutter) .

I dislike the interior of my house , nothing feels like 'me' if that makes sense ? There isn't one nice room , they are all in need of decorating but unfortunately DH and I disagree on just about everything decor wise , we are polar opposites . I love old furniture and earthy warm colours and DH would be happy with modern flat pack , silver /black /chrome . It is difficult to compromise

I have been in this house for nearly 11 years. From the moment we walked in it welcomed us.
It's only this year I can say that we have decorated every room. Only this year have we managed to get rid of the dirty cream carpet in the dining room and fake beams, and changed the pee stained carpet in the hall, stairs and landing.
I have a great sense of pride and well being sitting on the sofa in my lovely home.
The pine kitchen that was in when we came has been painted three times since we've been here. The cabinets have been cream, sage green and they are currently grey. I've managed to get a new cooker this year and last Christmas we asked parents for cash as Christmas gifts and that allowed us to (finally) change the flooring in the kitchen.
But I don't want to be here for ever though! One day the kids will fly the nest and then we shall look for a smaller house with views and a parking space, which I don't have now (but would make my current house perfect if it did!)

Another point also is that we are bombarded with house porn on tv. I love these programmes and I find them inspiring!
Honestly, we have no spare money. To update an unused cloakroom I bought a roll of wall paper for a £7, a lino offcut for a £5 and a pot of paint. The new toilet and the fitting of it cost £160 but well worth it.
Change little things one room at a time and bond with your home. U'm sure it will improve your mood x

AFter ten years in a house you hate I would be desperate to move. My house has a huge effect on my quality of life and I expend a lot of time and energy on keeping it as lovely as I can. No money for major renovations but I've done the very best I can with what I've got! It's my sanctuary. It sounds like it's making you unhappy so I say go for it.

I have a nice house - I'm not all that happy tbh! Although granted, I would probably be more unhappy if I was dissatisfied with the house too.

OP I feel for you. I'm in a similar situation being in a house I never liked, but was pressured into buying it by DH.

We've been in the house 9+ months now and I still hate it - apart from the one room we have done up which is our en suite. I like one tiny room in the entire house and garden .

But like you I resent the thought of spending any more money (even if we could afford it) on this house. Feels like throwing good money after bad.

elementssong it shit isn't it. Its like you can't even appreciate the good things about the house because its overshadowed by the resentment and unhappiness. Ive been here ten years and it doesn't get easier.

I agree. We did our living room last in our current house. I now realise that was a mistake as the difference it makes to my mood having somewhere nice to sit and relax is amazing.

The first thing we are doing in our new house is to get the living room sorted the way we want.

I'm a bit worried as we are moving to a much smaller house, for school catchment reasons. I'm hoping we settle in ok!

I understand what you mean op. I moved from a lovely, modest 3 bed semi that was quiet and overlooked some mountains 10 years ago. It was mine, me and ex bought it together but he left me and I had to sell it. I was so happy there, I'd been through a lot but it was mine.

Ended up in a crappy awful council place as ex made me homeless and no private rent would touch me due to the kids and the house sell didn't make enough to put down a deposit on another property. The house is a council prefab, plaster board inside, cold, the kitchen was falling apart, its on a steep busy hill and I still don't feel as 8f it's home and it's made me miserable over the years. I feel better now the council have replaced the kitchen and bathroom, the old one fell apart, a cupboard fell of the wall and injured my daughter but I don't have enough money to decorate properly, othing matches at all and I have second hand stuff and everywhere is so cluttered.

I miss my old house, it was home

The fact that he forced you into buying it speaks volumes, knowing you hate it.

That's cruel.