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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend's Friend drinking all the time.!

132 replies

OutnumberedMomma · 21/10/2016 13:37

AIBU? My friends best friend is almost 6 months pregnant and seems to be drinking quite a lot and my friend is no help to her as she is the one going out to the pubs with her feel like I am being so judgemental but if that was my best friend I would be having a stern word with her not enabling her. I myself am also pregnant and would never dream of having a drink whilst pregnant not judging anyone else for having a glass here or there but this girl is out most weekends and even adds stuff to her social networks apps like 3 bottles of cider for £5 etc...As I said she is almost 6 months and is so small you wouldn't even think she is pregnant, could this be from all the drinking she does?
I suppose we have different views of pregnancy and I feel so lucky and blessed to even be able to carry a child I would never jeopardise that. Kind of pisses me off she is taking it for granted as there are so many women in the world who would do anything to be in her shoes!

AIBU?

OP posts:

19lottie82 · 21/10/2016 13:39

Yes it's a totally irresponsible thing to do when she is pregnant, but it's none of your business, you don't even know the woman. Best thing you can do is just not look at her Facebook!

Original poster

OutnumberedMomma · 21/10/2016 13:52

I do know the woman, I went to school with her in fact see her every now and again, I'm just not that close to her to be the one to have a word with her.

OP posts:

Milklollies · 21/10/2016 13:54

You can't fix stupid. There will be stupid people in life like the woman you describe. She will probably go from alcohol to drugs once the kids are born (probably with learning difficulties if she's drinking as much as you say she is) and won't cope. I'm in q cynical mood today but my point is factual.

BastardGoDarkly · 21/10/2016 13:55

Well don't then. She might be going out every weekend and just having 'a glass here or there' you don't know, so Yes YABU

BastardGoDarkly · 21/10/2016 13:56

drinking as much as you say she is ops got no clue what she drinks.

Mintychoc1 · 21/10/2016 13:57

Lots of people will tell you to butt out and that it's none of your business, because that seems to be the way on MN when it comes to drinking when pregnant. But I'm with you - I'd be annoyed and upset by it. I doubt I'd have the nerve to say anything though, but I might if I was there as she was drinking.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 21/10/2016 13:58

How do you know she hasn't had a word? How do you know that she isn't helping regulate her drinks at the pub? How do you know she is even drinking? I've been out to the pub lots of times while pregnant and not had a drink (and probably been gossiped about as though I have been drinking too ) adding deals to social media doesn't mean she is drinking either.

Ultimately, if she is drinking lots and you aren't going to say anything all you can do is keep looking at her social media and judging her, which is no help to either of you so stop looking/delete her and concentrate on yourself and your baby.

Original poster

OutnumberedMomma · 21/10/2016 14:29

Some of the replies on her are just Uggghh.! Yes I do no for a FACT that she is drinking and pretty much how much also.! I am close to my friend and she tells me almost everything about it which I don't ask I only comment on what I've been told, thank you mintychoc1 nice to know there are people out there who think similar to me. My friend probably hasn't said anything to this girl as she can be very hostile and can get aggressive but also my friend probably doesn't want to lose her drinking partner.

OP posts:

Dontpanicpyke · 21/10/2016 15:25

awful and sad but what could you do really? It's her body and her choice.

LobsterQuadrille · 21/10/2016 15:32

That's really, really sad but yes, it can and does happen - I have friends in AA who admit to having drunk all their way through pregnancy because they simply felt unable to stop at the time. When they came into recovery, they were mortified about what they had done and, thankfully, their children were apparently unharmed but they were lucky. If someone is really drinking to excess (and you seem to know how much) then they must have a real problem - a lot of addicts manage to find inner strength once it's not just them they are affecting with every sip. As with all addiction, if that's the case then there is little that you can do, unless you know the person well (which you say you don't). Horrible though.

Sparklesilverglitter · 21/10/2016 15:34

It's far from ideal with her being pregnant and of course if it is large amounts of alcohol it could effect the baby.

Your friend could be over playing how much this women is drinking, maybe she is just having the odd glass of wine but that so happens it's when your friend is around

Ultimately though there really is nothing you can do about it . Sadly there will always be women that drink large amounts regardless of there baby

Butterproperbutter · 21/10/2016 15:36

Yes is fucking stupid, If she is drinking large amounts, it could harm the baby. She will know that, so if she's doing it anyway she probably doesn't care

You will always get women that drink stupid amounts despite carrying a baby.

There isn't really anything you can do.
Focus on yourself and giving your baby the best start you can

Eatthecake · 21/10/2016 15:39

It's far from idea if she is drink large amounts, the baby could be effected. She will know the dangers of large amounts of alcohol, that information she will of seen maybe she doesn't care? Maybe she's in the it wouldn't happen to my baby camp? Who knows

Or maybe your friend is over playing the amount she's drinking

Either way I'm not sure there is anything you can do

SleepFreeZone · 21/10/2016 15:40

Her body her choice? What a crock of shit, she is damaging another person in there, probably for life. I don't understand some of the attitudes on here, I find them totally bizarre.

MarcelineTheVampire · 21/10/2016 15:40

YABU - it's none of your business and she might not be drinking as much as you think. If you are not there you do not know this as a fact, you are relying on what your other friend is telling you.

You do sound really judgemental and unpleasant. Whilst yes, it is irresponsible to drink to excess during pregnancy, you don't know what is going on in her life or even if she is in fact drinking too much.

MarcelineTheVampire · 21/10/2016 15:42

SleepFree well yes it is her body and her choice.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 21/10/2016 15:42

Your 'friend' sounds like a gossip so I'd take what she says with a pinch of salt.

I'm not sure what you want from this thread other than to have us slate someone through third hand information.

You aren't going to do anything about it regardless of what's said on here are you?

SleepFreeZone · 21/10/2016 15:49

And when the child is born with FAS, whose choice is it then? It certainly won't be the baby's that's for sure.

pasturesgreen · 21/10/2016 16:04

YABU. You only have your mutual friend's word on how much she drinks, and she may be exaggerating.

Not your place to have a word in any case.

Thisjustinno · 21/10/2016 16:22

So you won't say anything and your friend won't say anything so you started a thread to what? Have everyone tell you what an awful woman she is?

Of course it's bad. Of course it could damage the baby. You know this. She knows it. There's nothing you or anyone else can do or is willing to do. You know this. You don't need MN to tell you.

And yes you wouldn't touch a drink and you're grateful to be pregnant etc. Brilliant, I'm happy for you. Maybe she isn't happy to be pregnant, maybe she's an addict, maybe she's been through or is going through shit that you can't comprehend.

Live your life and enjoy your pregnancy. Don't invite people to slag off someone they don't know.

NeeNahh · 21/10/2016 16:27

Your friend drinks in the pub with her then reports back to you so you can sit and slag her off together? You sound like a lovely bunch of people ....

ageingrunner · 21/10/2016 16:32

It's crap but she has the right to do that if that's what she wants to do. You can have a word with her of course but ultimately what she does with her body is up to her. And at the moment the baby is part of her body.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 21/10/2016 16:44

This, with fucking bells on.

GCHQMonitoring · 21/10/2016 16:45

I dont understand some of the posts here.

You know her name, do you know where she goes for anti natal/doctors, personally I'd nip in and mention in to a nurse/ midwife. I did this years ago, when in a similar situation.

JoJoSM2 · 21/10/2016 17:08

Sound like both, your friend and the pregnant woman are alcoholics... They'd need proper help and saying anything will have little impact :(

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