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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with DS teacher

111 replies

Mrsglitterfairy · 19/09/2016 19:35

DS2 is 5 and last Friday, after his first week in year 1, he won the achievement award from his teacher. However, he was not very well behaved on Friday afternoon and after numerous warnings his teacher took his award off him.. Now I understand he shouldn't get a reward if he has been not listening and messing, and am all for her taking it off him, but she ripped it up. He came out of school so upset that she had ripped up his certificate and threw it in the bin in front of everyone. AIBU for being annoyed that she did that? I just feel that it was a bit harsh for a 5 year old

OP posts:

Squirmy65ghyg · 19/09/2016 19:36

How horrid! YANBU

Minniemagoo · 19/09/2016 19:39

Awful. His award was presumably for an unrelated achievement and not reliant on him behaving himself Friday. He did his achievement and therefore his punishment should have been seperate.
Horrible thing to do to a child.

george1020 · 19/09/2016 19:58

Wow, what on earth is wrong with the teacher! She sounds quite unhinged.
Your poor DC, I'm all for telling off children and giving them consequences to bad behaviour but ripping up his award in front of everyone and throwing in the bin is borderline bulling and I would be pissed off (understatement) and taking it further.
What a crappy thing to do!

user1473872482 · 19/09/2016 20:00

Go in and complain to the horrible teacher who did this to your son. What a horrid thing to do to a 5 year old boy. I agree with Minniemagoo that his punishment should have been separate. BUT saying that your son has to learn to listen to the teacher as well bearing in mind she did give him lots of warnings but it is still no excuse.

BlackeyedSusan · 19/09/2016 20:00

the only way thae certificate should come into it is reminding him that he won the certificate for xyz behaviour and can he keep on remembering to do xyz behaviour as he is really good at it.

Original poster

Mrsglitterfairy · 19/09/2016 20:01

I'm really glad it's not just me. The award was for his good work all week. He's not the quietest of children and does need reminding to sit still & stop talking. I think I might have to speak to her. I'm possibly more bothered than DS though, he hasn't mentioned it since the weekend but still...

OP posts:

M0nstersinthecl0set · 19/09/2016 20:02

That sounds awful. Teachers ripping things up seems to be a theme at the moment. How awful!
It teaches the child nothing other than the futility of trusting that particular adult.

WhooooAmI24601 · 19/09/2016 20:03

How bad was the "not very well behaved"? If it was something heinous maybe she reacted quickly and without thinking? Had he had a really rough day and that was just her tipping point?

It doesn't sound quite right, have you asked for the teacher's side of it to compare to DS' version?

Pastaagain78 · 19/09/2016 20:05

That is awful! Totally unacceptable.

SharonfromEON · 19/09/2016 20:06

Nope I wouldn't be happy either..

I Celebrate my sons achievements ...They are that not to be taken away when he does something wrong.

Willow2016 · 19/09/2016 20:06

Nope I would be taking it further.

The award was for one thing, the afternoon behaviour was completely seperate.
Never take away an award, sticker/ chart points, marbles etc, they have been earned and stay. Deal with the problem seperately. Our primary has the cloud system where they go up and down green, amber, red clouds according to behaviour, but they also earn marbles for their class jar and earned marbles stay in the jar regardless.

What a bitch to do that to a 5 yr old in front of everyone. I would be marching in tomorrow to make an appointment with the head to complain and demand another certificate and that the teacher apologises and possibly revises her training! Humilliation is not a teaching tool.

Willow2016 · 19/09/2016 20:08

Humiliation!

bamboobeanbags · 19/09/2016 20:18

Whikst I understand your point, I think people are over reacting a bit here. The whole point of a punishment for bad behaviour is that it gives somebody a negative feelings so that they don't do the same thing again.
It depends what your son's bad behaviour was. Humiliation is wrong but if he was messing around and playing the clown in front of the whole class for example, then the whole class need to see that that sort of behaviour doesn't go unpunished. If it was a private matter but he was publicly punished then that would have been wrong of the teacher.
Please give the new teacher a few weeks to get to know her new class and what works and doesn't work before rushing in to the head.

Armadillostoes · 19/09/2016 20:27

YANBU assuming that the account which your DS gave was accurate (upset 5 year olds can give a confused picture) then that is shocking. The punishment should have been unrelated. It is not acceptable for a teach to use or model deliberate humiliaton in that way. Or to give the message that a child is no longer valued because of negative behaviour, which is how a 5 year old would be likely to interpret that kind of action.

youarenotkiddingme · 19/09/2016 20:29

How can she punish a child for not adhering to boundaries when she clearly doesn't have any?

The reward and punishment should have been seperate.

The only message DS has got now is it doesn't matter if you are good for 4.5 days because if you are misbehaved for half of one then it won't count.

black is spot on. She should have reminded him of his reward, told him to aim for another one and made it clear there would be a sanction unrelated to reward of he didn't make the right choice.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 19/09/2016 20:29

How lousy is that. She's there to teach children and be able to keep control of her class, yet. She's ripping up a certificate which shows she can't control her self. She really should not be incharged of gold fish. Let alone children.
Let's twist it another way. He goes into school and says, for example
"Mummy ripped up my picture". They'd be on the phone to SS. Also would she have done that if Ofsted were in. I don't bloody think so.

Starlight234 · 19/09/2016 20:33

School should have a policy for bad behaviour in place I have no doubt this wasn't in any policy.

I do agree with the last poster... Do go in and ask what happened before you go in all gun blazing..I have learnt you often hear only the part of the story the child wants you to hear.

GoldFishFingerz · 19/09/2016 20:36

What a bitch!

Here are more effective ways to discipline. Her behaviour was particularly unkind and inappropriate

MuffyTheUmpireSlayer · 19/09/2016 20:38

That's awful. Flag it up with the head. That doesn't sound like normal, rational behaviour from an adult to me.

Smartiepants79 · 19/09/2016 20:39

What had he been doing?
Her reaction is excessive and a bit unprofessional but he'd clearly pushed all her buttons that day. She was cross and all out of patience.
She shouldn't have done it but try not go and bite her head off. I'd calmly explains how upset he was and give your opinion that his earlier achievement should not be belittled because of poor behaviour at a later date. Hopefully she'll apologise and get him a new certificate.

llhj · 19/09/2016 20:40

I find that really hard to believe. Are you sure that he has that right? If so, that would be an appalling loss of control.

headinhands · 19/09/2016 20:44

Are you sure she ripped it up? If so that's shocking.

Selfimproved · 19/09/2016 20:47

Ask first.
Loads of posters saying go in all guns blazing - your little one could be upset and confused. He could be completely wrong. He could be right - you don't know yet. Ask. The teacher should explain. Teacher might be a bitch, but maybe not.
Also, no way they would call social services on you if the story was reversed. Not even the tiniest chance.

t4nut · 19/09/2016 20:47

Goodness sakes just let it go. If you go stormingbin at every tiny little thing you're storing up a world of aggravation for yourself.

He misbehaved. The teacher dealt with it.

CalleighDoodle · 19/09/2016 20:47

That sounds upsetting for your son and an inappropriate punishment. I would definitely mention it. He should still have that reward. He should have a separate punishment for his poor behaviour.

Poorly behaved and numerous warnings and his behaviour didnt improve? Was there a reapn for this? Late bedtime? Lack of discipline at home? How can you and your son help him improve his behaviour infuture to avoid this entirely?

liveinalighthouae And, if a child came to school and said mummy ripped up my picture i can assure you school would not be phoning social services. Because that would be ridiculous.

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