Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

AIBU?

To be annoyed with DS teacher

111 replies

Mrsglitterfairy · 19/09/2016 19:35

DS2 is 5 and last Friday, after his first week in year 1, he won the achievement award from his teacher. However, he was not very well behaved on Friday afternoon and after numerous warnings his teacher took his award off him.. Now I understand he shouldn't get a reward if he has been not listening and messing, and am all for her taking it off him, but she ripped it up. He came out of school so upset that she had ripped up his certificate and threw it in the bin in front of everyone. AIBU for being annoyed that she did that? I just feel that it was a bit harsh for a 5 year old

OP posts:

Report

Topseyt · 19/09/2016 22:31

He was misbehaving and the teacher dealt with it.

Let it slide and leave him to learn his lesson.

julietbat · 19/09/2016 22:42

Please make sure she actually did rip it up before you accuse her of anything. Kids can be complete fantasists (believe me, I have one ) and I can just imagine the conversation between my DD and me going something like this...

DD - and then she ripped it up and threw it in the bin!
Me smelling a rat - she actually ripped it up in front of you all?
DD - yes!
Me - are you absolutely sure?? If I ring your teacher now and ask her if she ripped up your award, will she say yes?
DD - well... we didn't actually see her rip it up but that's what she looked like she would do when we weren't there.

I have honestly had frequent conversations of this nature so just double check first! I have to admit it does sound highly unlikely.

Floggingmolly · 19/09/2016 22:58

Lively character? Gets carried away with himself? A brat, in other words...

t4nut · 19/09/2016 23:07

And responses on here are evidence why 90% of aibu posters should not only not be allowed within 500 metres of a school, but should not be allowed out in public without adult supervision.

He misbehaved. He got told off. Those are the only facts you have.

Sweetandsour93 · 19/09/2016 23:12

If he was persistently misbehaving then I think it's right that the teacher punished him. She gave him fair warning and he carried on. It does seem harsh to rip it up in front of him but perhaps she hoped he'd realize that bad behavior will have consequences. I think it would be an overreaction to go into school about it. You might end up being known as "that parent".

Optimist3 · 19/09/2016 23:14

I'm a teacher. This sort of discipline is humiliating and unkind. Far from good practice. It won't get the best out of the pupil.

YouTheCat · 19/09/2016 23:15

And this is why we have classes full of children who don't have any idea how to behave. He should not be a 'chatterbox'. It really isn't endearing. He needs to learn to sit (and it really is for only a short time at that age) and to listen and behave in an appropriate way in a classroom.

As to the teacher, if she did actually rip the certificate up, I'd imagine she was at the end of her tether and acted in haste. She should give the lad a chance to earn a new certificate if it did actually happen.

kali110 · 19/09/2016 23:23

Agree with others.
He misbehaved, he had his certificate taken away as punishment.
Harsh lesson to learn at 5, but hopefully one he'll remember.
He'll probably get another one in a week or so.
I don't think the teacher is a huge bully.

Selfimproved · 19/09/2016 23:30

Optimist if you're a teacher then you'll know it might not have happened exactly as the child said.

By that I don't mean the child is a liar, just even a misunderstanding.

One of my DS came home with the most amazing fabrication today. There was a bird in the sports hall. By the time my son had finished with the story, it was a stunt bird who had flown under the parachute while they played!
The truth - a bird in the corner.

kali110 · 19/09/2016 23:32

Selfimproved

wayway13 · 19/09/2016 23:34

catnip2 but you were angry and emotional as a parent in that case which is completely understandable. Teachers can't act like that. I'm a teacher and how I react to my own DC is not how I react at work.

I hate teacher bashing too but, if the teacher did rip up the award, then that is out of order as 1) the award and punishment should not be linked and 2) humiliation is never ok.

YouTheCat · 19/09/2016 23:39

I had a year one child completely fabricate a story that I'd shouted at him and frightened him. I'd never even spoken to the boy. I was made to apologise to a child that had lied to appease him and his parents.

I certainly felt humiliated by that.

Optimist3 · 19/09/2016 23:39

Self - of course op needs to confirm what exactly happened. Lots of children are truthful and can give reliable accounts. Some make things up.

Optimist3 · 19/09/2016 23:40

Adults are much the same!

Heathontheright · 19/09/2016 23:41

Lively character? Gets carried away with himself? A brat, in other words

or you know... 5!!!!
Ffs!!

Floggingmolly · 19/09/2016 23:44

A 5 year old, in a whole roomful of OTHER 5 year olds, who are not behaving the same way.

Mrsglitterfairy · 19/09/2016 23:54

Right, firstly my child is not a brat!! Nor is he an angel by a long shot but he is usually pretty well behaved albeit a little giddy as a lot of 5 year olds are. And as I said previously, I had no problem with her not giving him the award (I will take things off him at home if he doesn't do as he's told) it was just the manner in which (according to DS's account) it happened.
Thanks to the people who actually gave me advice. I think I will leave it unless DS mentions it again then I will ask his teacher what happened as she was a little vague to his exact behaviour as well as what happened with the certificate.
To the ones that just decided that my child is a brat after one afternoon of not being a perfect Pete nob off I'm glad your children are such angels 👍🏼

OP posts:

QueenLizIII · 20/09/2016 00:33

I would have taken it off him and said you can have it back when you start behaving again. And he wouldnt have got it back unless I saw at least and hour of him behaving.

When I was 7 I was struggling with maths, I always did. We had to sit down and do these problem sheets. I asked for help, useless bitch of a teacher was in a bad mood as usual. I couldnt do it, I didnt understand it. I said, I'm just going to sit here and not do it. Class bully-bitch child says I'm telling on you and tells the teacher who stormed over to me and snatched my work sheet away and tore it up infront of me and the whole class watching.

7 is older than 5 and you have begun to care what your class mates think. I acted like I didnt care but I was so upset. The fact that I remember it so vividly to this day, says a lot.

He is 5 years old. Jesus, ripping up his award....you know the one he wanted to run home and show to his mum? You remember being little?

andintothefire · 20/09/2016 00:49

I agree with sweetandsour (and the other posters in the same vein). The teacher may have been utterly exasperated and wanted to make it clear to your DS that his behaviour is inappropriate. I don't think it is a bad lesson to learn personally. Your DS will probably remember the consequences of misbehaving and it sounds to me as though the teacher wanted a visual reminder of that. I just don't think it is a terrible thing for the teacher to have done. I would forget about it unless there are other incidents that make you concerned.

Topseyt · 20/09/2016 08:00

OP, you really don't know "the manner which it was done" as you weren't there.

5 year olds are not the most reliable witnesses. Fantasists is a better description than liars in many cases I guess, a d they can certainly exaggerate.

You could well find that she didn't actually rip it up anyway. He could have said that in order to get you on side. She was very likely at the end of her rope after similar behaviour from any number of the kids in her class that afternoon. 30 x 5 year olds can be very wearing. Only a saint would never snap.

Heathontheright · 20/09/2016 08:14

A 5 year old, in a whole roomful of OTHER 5 year olds, who are not behaving the same way.

You can bet your life those OTHER 5 year olds will have plenty of moments throughout the school year too. Children play up sometimes. It's annoying as hell but it's also unhealthy to NOT push boundaries

YoungWillieMcBride · 20/09/2016 08:19

Mrsglitterfairy

I would definitely speak with her again. If she didn't rip it up, she should be able to give it to you there and then.

Speaking as a teacher, I would be very surprised if she had done this (although, anything is possible!) because, if nothing else, most teacher's wouldn't want anyone finding out about it!

I wouldn't even have taken it off him, unless he was at risk of damaging it himself, because it was a reward for previous behaviour and didn't have any relevance to current behaviour. The most I would have done is remind him that he was the boy who won the award for a super first week and wasn't it a shame that this didn't look like the same boy at the moment.

He would have been sanctioned in other ways, but none that related to an award received for previous good behaviour.

The only thing I can think of is that his behaviour hadn't actually been that great all week but that she'd tried to 'reward the positive' by acknowledging some good behaviour and found a reason to give him the reward hoping it would encourage better behaviour in future. I've done that a couple of times and it does irk when it doesn't work. But you don't take it out on the child.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Floggingmolly · 20/09/2016 08:27

Well yes, Heath, I agree. I just don't see why there shouldn't be a consequence. What lesson would he have learnt if he'd arsed about all afternoon and still skipped out at hometime with his certificate to show mummy?
I have (well, had) a brat spirited child. I was totally on board with consequences for him though. How else would he have learnt?

YoungWillieMcBride · 20/09/2016 08:30

Fuck me, where did that rogue ' come from!

I do get children through their SATs and teach SPaG effectively. Honest!

YoungWillieMcBride · 20/09/2016 08:33

Flogging it would have been appropriate to be there when the certificate was given to Mummy to say that we were very proud of his behaviour that led to the certificate, but that he hadn't been making the best choices that day, so that parents could reinforce that message rather than just assume he was golden all the time.

Ripping up a certificate previously earned will only pit them against each other in the child's mind not promote a positive relationship.

With some children, you do have to create some very inventive positive behaviour management techniques. This would not be one of them. It's disrespectful. If it happened.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.