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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS not invited to wedding

134 replies

muminmanchester · 06/09/2016 15:45

Let me start this off by saying that I am categorically NOT moaning about people having child free weddings. I had one myself and it was bloody great.

However, my cousin is getting married and hasn't invited DS. He'll be just under 1 when the wedding takes place. Fair enough - but she has invited my other cousin's three kids.

The wedding is at the other end of the country which means leaving DS for 2 nights - but everyone he knows will be at the wedding (DH's parents don't see much of him as they live miles away). I don't want to leave him with people he doesn't know for 2 nights.

Would it be unreasonable to ask if he can come? It's obvs not child free if my other cousin's kids are going. Otherwise probably either DH or myself will not go to the wedding so we can look after DS.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 06/09/2016 15:46

Yes, it would be unreasonable to ask. It's fair to assume that if they were OK with him coming they would have invited him.

SnowBallsAreHere · 06/09/2016 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeckinCrutches · 06/09/2016 15:48

I think it puts them in an awkward position if you ask. There is obviously a reason why he hasn't been invited and the others have. How old are they?

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 06/09/2016 15:49

Try having you ex not invite his own 21 year old dd because his WTB has insecurity issues about her.

Any way back to the op! Maybe she just assumes he will be going. Phone her

user1471855186 · 06/09/2016 15:50

Really tricky because maybe they just haven't thought about the impact on you, but it is awkward to ask as they then essentially have to say yes or feel horrible.

Are there any other wedding guests you can talk to about it, who may be able to give you a steer on what to do?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 06/09/2016 15:51

I wouldn't be attending the wedding at all. I'm afraid I'd want to know why my child was being singled out.
Good God don't upset B&G. It's akin to drowning a kitten. FFS. Hmm.

TaterTots · 06/09/2016 15:51

Has she categorically NOT invited him? She might assume she doesn't have to 'invite' a baby and you'll just bring him, whereas children old enough to understand might be quite excited at being on a wedding invitation.

TheDMIsWrittenByCuntsForCunts · 06/09/2016 15:51

Has he definitely not been invited? One year old is tiny, have they not just assumed you'll be bringing him?

allsfairinlove · 06/09/2016 15:52

How old are the other kids?

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 06/09/2016 15:52

When you say 'other cousin' is that the original cousins sibling or original cousins cousin (does that even make sense?).

SENPARENT · 06/09/2016 15:52

I would decline the invitation and say you have no one to leave him with.

ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout · 06/09/2016 15:54

I'd call her and let her know that you won't be able to come without him as two nights away is too long.

She'll either say, "oh aren't you bringing him? I expected you to." Or she'll say, "oh that's a pity, but I understand." Then you'll have your answer

Gottagetmoving · 06/09/2016 15:54

I would have thought they just assume he will be with you?
They wouldn't officially invite a baby?

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 06/09/2016 15:54

I would ask and if he isn't invited you will have to decide if you're close enough to a cousin to go without your son

StopMakingMeLogOn · 06/09/2016 15:55

Well, I would ask -this is your cousin, not some stranger! If it wasn't possible, dh and I would probably both decline the invitation and stay with our baby instead.

Fine to have a child free wedding, or even to say neices/nephews only but to invite one cousin's dc but not the other's creates a feeling of unfairness.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 06/09/2016 15:55

Just respond saying sorry both/one of you can't attend as you can't get childcare

If she wants you to come, she'll invite DS. If not and the preference is not to invite some children in the family - and that's what it is, which is entirely her preference, but let's not call it a child free wedding as it isn't - she won't.

sizeofalentil · 06/09/2016 16:00

Some people don't like having under 3s at their wedding in case they disrupt the service.

You could ask if DS could come along and say if that was the case you'd be happy to sit at the back and take him out if he fusses.

or maybe one of you misses the ceremony with DS but you all go to the reception?

imnotapotato · 06/09/2016 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cherryskypie · 06/09/2016 16:02

Is your 'other cousin' their sibling?

useyourimagination · 06/09/2016 16:03

How close are you? If you're not close and you live miles and miles apart, is there a possibility they've simply forgotten your DS and might be mortified when they remember there are now three of you?

Bagina · 06/09/2016 16:03

Just say it how it is: we're really sorry but we'll be unable to attend as all of our childcare for ds will be attending the wedding. If you manage to find some space for him then we'll be delighted to celebrate with you; if it's not possible, have a great day and we look forward to seeing you soon.

Or get your parents to speak to their sibling Grin.

UnicornPee · 06/09/2016 16:05

What bagina said

Bagina · 06/09/2016 16:05

Oh yes, you could say: dh is happy to take ds out of the service etc if he cries.

GarlicMist · 06/09/2016 16:06

Hmmm. Ask! I had a 'child-free' wedding that wasn't really. We wanted to discourage people bringing their kids, not exclude guests who couldn't realistically attend without them. When people asked, we discussed the situation with them and ended up with a smattering of small people.

Original poster
muminmanchester · 06/09/2016 16:09

Thanks. Other cousin isn't the bride's sibling, she's from another arm of the family. Her kids are primary school age.

I'm really hesitant to ask as it drove me mad when people did it to me when we got married but think I'm going to have to. Might ask mother of the bride to clarify first though in case it's just assumed he's coming.

Oh wedding politics. It's the worst isn't it!

OP posts: