To ask for your favourite phrases

[scarednoob]

Funny or deep or whatever. I love:

"He'd eat one potato more than a pig" and "more fat on a racing snake". Both self explanatory

Struggling forth and coming in fifth... my mum's fave

"Never trust a man who doesn't like beer or football". (my dad said this)
"or who can't put a shelf up" (I added this)

"I'd rather have her for a week than a fortnight" (difficult people)

"If it's not one thing, it's your mother"
(Peter Kay)

All things in moderation... including moderation ;-)

nothing to do, and all day to do it in ...usually to describe a neighbour with a little too much time on his hands.

"If you want to get something done ask a busy person"

This is completely true for me. I've not even been bothered to put the dishwasher on today and I've watched 10 episodes of a TV show.

Cotton - I love that one!

Running around like a scopididdle-my gramps. No, I haven't got a clue what one is either...
Also
I'd like to see how you're going to manage to pull that out of your arse-in other words it's nigh on impossible

Rushing around like a pea in a colander

Rushing around like a blue Arse fly

There's nought worse than muck with brass

If you want something done, ask a busy person

You can bring a horse to water.....

Oh so many more. Love a good old fashioned nana saying.

You might as well ask the cat (a Fawlty Towers-ism for someone who doesn't really know what they're talking about)

He doesn't know his arse from his elbow

Piss or get off the pot

They'd nick your eyeballs and come back for the sockets

Don't judge your insides by everyone else's outsides (I.e. Don't imagine everyone else is happier than you based on their Facebook page!)

(About someone who always seems to get lucky):
"If 'e fell off t' Co-op roof, 'e'd come out wi t' divi".

She's all fur coat and no knickers - think it means any money is spent to impress people rather than on the necessities.

He'd piss up your back and tell you it was raining - a lovely image and we've all met the type.

My dad always used to say "you make a better door than a window" if you stood in front of the TV!

Weird old dad sayings!

My nan used to say "Like a fairy on a gob a lard" to describe a person who was 1) dressed far too nicely for their surroundings - like dolled up to the nines at the greengrocers or 2) a person who was clumsy or 'all over the place'. As a child I always imagined a 'gobbalard' as some sort of decorative crystal table centrepiece - no idea why! I was an adult before the penny dropped and I realised it was 'gob of lard' as in a lump of animal fat - much less pretty image!

'She's always got a face like fourpence' is one of my Mum's favourites (basically looks miserable/pissed off).

'Go fuck yourself with the fat end of a pineapple'.

I use 'not a Snowball's chance in a CAT scanner' quite a lot

My mum's beat one is 'couldn't stop a pig in a passage'

My grandad used to say you'd make a better door than a window if I was blocking things too!!

I'll never forget going to get my belly button pierced as a teen and got told by the tattooist that they had seen more fat on a chip

'Ooh, flat as a witches tit', to my friend who can't sing!

'Thought followed a muck cart because it THOUGHT it was a wedding'. (One for when the kids do something stupid and say 'but I thought...'

'You couldn't stop a pig in a passage', my dad used to say to me when I was a gangly kid.

If brains were dynamite he wouldn't have enough to blow his hat off.

The things you see when you haven't got your gun.

Tater, the saying about the pineapple wasn't one of your mum's as well, was it?

Not my circus, not my monkeys

I'm as sick as a small hospital.

Found this hilarious first time DH said it.