To ask for your favourite phrases

[scarednoob]

Funny or deep or whatever. I love:

"He'd eat one potato more than a pig" and "more fat on a racing snake". Both self explanatory

Another one I've just remembered from my DD. Can be used towards nasty people or insects, in her case it was used to express her distaste for Justin Bieber

'Kill it before it lays eggs'

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it" - self explanatory.

"Cooler than a penguin's shoes" -something very cool indeed.

"He's a ten-bob millionaire" - someone who gives a false impression of affluence. 21st century Britain is full of such people. They live in nice houses, either rented or on interest-only mortgages. Two new German cars on the drive, both leased. Big TV, shiny appliances, posh furniture, all on HP. Wardrobes full of designer gear, all bought on credit cards, which are now maxed out.

"I've been like a tit in a trance today"...... to describe not getting anything done.

Of someone who always has to go one better:

"If you've been to Tenerife, they've been to Elevenerife."

I've heard the dentally challenged one as "could eat an apple through a tennis racket".

It's looking black over Bill's mothers

Stood there like Joe Lock i' the park (A statue in Barnsley!)

What crawled up your arse and died?

To someone who has seriously annoyed you - I hope your next shits a hedgehog

He doesn't know if it's New Year or New York.

An old Somerset/ West Country one (I think) "He's a good lad, shuts all the gates behind him"
Has anyone else heard this one?!

Don't borrow trouble (when worrying about unlikely things)

If someone says "were you born in a barn?", "No, a hospital - swing doors"

I couldn't give a flying fish's tit.

May the fleas of a thousand camels forever infest your armpits

My friend misunderstood "piss on my fireworks" to be "piss on my files" which aways makes me smile.

As much use as a chocolate fireguard

Couldn`t organise a party in a pub

Pay peanuts you gets monkeys

God gave her a figure but no brains

All tits and arse

Going to catch me dinner (shopping)

All elbows and thumbs

All the lights are on but theres nobody home And Hes got nothing between his ears

Both said by grandma about grandfather.

Coughed in my knickers....Wet Fart
Face like a smacked arse...Sorry for lowering the bar !

This won't get the baby a new bonnet ( for general procrastination)

My Grandma used to say 'Never worry trouble until worry troubles you' ie don't go looking for trouble.

One of my favourite MH phases (sorry can't remember name of originator) is 'How unlike the home life of our own dear Queen' when someone is posting describing lighthearted problems in their family/house.

Oh and 'Fuck off to the far side of fuck and when you get there, fuck off some more' is another MN favourite

Rough as a pigs back, my stepdad says that a lot.

I quite like "tighter than a gnats chuff", but it sounds a bit unpleasant so I dont actually say it.

What a kerfuffle!

"He's about as much use as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest"!

'You're worrying about yellow bananas' - ie you're creating problems where there are none.

Haha these are great!

I'll add: "all fart and no poo" as a stinky upgrade to "all talk and no trousers".

If wit were shit, you'd be constipated.

For someone dim - the wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead

No shit Sherlock (in response to any dumb/obvious remark)

Go and take a long walk on a short bridge.

Who pissed in your porridge?

'He could cut a currant in quarters and each piece would be equal' about a tightfisted person or to me as a skinny child ' there's more meat on a butchers pencil' or 'more fat on a chip'. My favorite is 'your a lot of things Mrs Suchafuss, but your never wrong are you?'

Pea in a colander is amazing!