To ask for your favourite phrases

[scarednoob]

Funny or deep or whatever. I love:

"He'd eat one potato more than a pig" and "more fat on a racing snake". Both self explanatory

Grumpy person face.. like a bull dog chewing a wasp.
Seen fatter legs hanging out of a crows nest.
Me and dh have same silly sense humour mum always says fits find each other.

My father used to show his indifference to something by saying he "couldn't give a fiddler's fart".

My ex uni flatmate used to describe skinny, white legs as being like two fags hanging out of a packet!

Just remembered that one.

My ex husband's grandma used to say "I know eggs when I see shells and I can tell what kind of bird that is"

which I think meant that she could tell a person's character from how they looked

'Could dip his hand in a bucket of shit and pull out a mars bar' - someone who is just a bit Jammy

Like a tit in a trance (daydreaming)

He/she's rougher than a badgers bum.

Wouldn't piss on (name) if they were on fire.

Tighter than a duck's arse (skinflint)

And, in similar vein, So tight he squeaks.

Someone asking me to repeat myself.. I never boil my cabbage twice.

To someone who has annoyed you "I hope your rabbit dies and you cant sell the hutch"

To someone who has annoyed you " i hope your rabbit dies and you cant sell your hutch "

'There are only two things that smell like fish - and one of them's fish'.

One that someone here posted on a thread, I want to say it's about PILs? Maybe in classics?

"At the speed of an asthmatic snail carrying heavy shopping uphill"

Our family's version is, "Couldn't stop a pig in an alley". Also a fan of, "hasn't got a pot to piss in" for skint, and 'a face only a mother could love'. "Eyes like pissholes in the snow" - our family is very piss fixated it seems.

Just remembered another one which I think was unique to our family, one of my dear old dads if someone was wearing trousers that were too short - 'Are they long shorts or short longs?"

She would pick the hearts fat out of you. ..about a nosey person.

Runs with the hare and hunts with the hound....some one in both camps.

They'd plough a field for you. ...an observation of a strong/well built person.

They always turn up with their two arms as long as each other.

They'd have your balls off at a thousand paces about someone rather tough.

You're not half as green as you're cabbage looking

I like that one, teejayem!

I like 'happy as a pig in shit' even though it's pretty gross

He/she is neither use nor ornament
He/she is too sweet to be wholesome
For a dirty child - as black as the ace of spades
For when you're really late - it's x o'clock and not a child in the house washed
For when everybody is mithering you - you'lll have me sent down to the home for the bewildered
For someone who has a great opinion of himself/herself - he/she has a great welcome for himself/herself

Love these! Some I've never heard of!

I was born at night but not last night!

My favorite is " if you're looking for sympathy it's in the dictionary between shit and syphilis "

Buy cheap buy twice

He/she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down
There is no hearth like your own hearth

"No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man."

Save your breath to cool your porridge. (Don't bother saying something because they aren't listening to you.)

Workplace favourites:
(To a usually tardy employee) "Why are you here so early - did you shit the bed again?"
(When recipient returns from an usually long toilet visit) "Did you finish it? " "Finish what? " "War and Peace".
(When being pressured to take on even more to a heavy workload) "shall I stick a broom handle up my arse hole and then I can sweep the floor as well?"
To male camping companions still slumbering in the tent at noon: "wakey wakey, hands off snakey!"
When hungry: "I could eat a scabby horse's cock".
No wonder my husband thinks I am coarse.

Face like a startled trombone, is a new favourite!

Just used the Tenerife/elevenerife one about someone and am most gleeful!!

"Useful as a fart in a bottle of pop."
"More front than Blackpool beach."
"Shit in one hand, hope in the other and see which gets full first."