To ask for your favourite phrases

[scarednoob]

Funny or deep or whatever. I love:

"He'd eat one potato more than a pig" and "more fat on a racing snake". Both self explanatory

My nan used to say "shut up and give your arse a chance"

He's had so much to drink he's pissing rainbows.

It's a commonly known one but I like... "Dropped like a hot potato"

The fox that chases 2 chickens goes hungry.

I'd love to agree with you but we'd both be wrong (MN phrase )

2 cheeks of the same arse

I've got no dogs in this fight ( similar to the circus/monkeys one)

That went down like a cup of cold sick

If I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you

This isn't buying the Baby a new bonnet (though I shorten this to Babies'n'Bonnets, my DC are but understand it)

One of my Grandads: "What for? Cats fur. Ever seen it on a dog"

I was just about to add 'I'm not so green as cabbage looking' (to say I'm not as daft as I look) but I can see someone beat me to it!

One my daughter came out with the other day about someone wearing trousers which are unintentionally too short...

Are you expecting floods?

My DP has unwittingly contributed with "he's a right tommy two shits", as in - if you've had one, he's had two

My brother has a revolting variant of the cup of cold sick - "it went down like a turd burger"

If you ask my friend why, she'll say, "because Y is a crooked letter and you'll never put it straight"

"If you've got an elephant, he's got a box to put it in"

Often said about my neighbour who always likes to go one better!

Lower than a worm's navel in a wheelrut

Either a lowlife scumbag or something that makes you feel down/depressed.

Breathes like he's stealing air - shifty

This is a great big wonderful world, unfortunately you are allowed to live in it
Said to twatty ex

"Shit on a stick" = ffs

DH says this when he sees something particularly disgusting: "You guard it and I'll get the bread"

honeylulu I think we must have worked in the same place

Mind, the scabby horse one!

I like " Do not make your lack of planning my emergency"

Made me laugh, so I'm bumping it for more

"He's a day late and a dollar short" to describe somebody not very bright.
"Because Y's a crooked letter and Z's no better" exasperated response to the multiple toddler "whys?"
"Fish hooks and jelly babies!" [Child friendly swearing.]

‘^^Don’t try to teach a pig to sing - it doesn’t work and it annoys the pig’.

Use this one at least a couple of times a month. Used with reference to someone who just doesn’t get it - no matter how hard you try to help them they are incapable of grasping xyz , then they typically get huffy and make out YOU’RE unreasonable if they can’t do xyz satisfactorily.....

'He couldn't find his arse with both hands' is my favourite way of describing incompetence!

'We're a' Jock Tamson's Bairns' - we're all the same underneath

'Well, that makes one of us!' - a diplomatic way of disagreeing with somebody else's stated preference, desire or viewpoint

'She's so mean, she wouldn't give you the steam off her wee!'

'He'll promise you the moon on a stick'

'Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a day; set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life!'

To a child with a grubby face, my MIL would say, "You look like you've been sucking a sow."