To ask for your favourite phrases

[scarednoob]

Funny or deep or whatever. I love:

"He'd eat one potato more than a pig" and "more fat on a racing snake". Both self explanatory

You can't ride two horses with one arse

Ooooh, forgot this one which I luffs...
You can't polish a turd, you can however roll it in glitter

Keep your powder dry

More chance of pissing in the Queen's handbag.

Chough - thankfully not!

My Grans version of fur coat and no knickers was all lace curtains and nothing in the larder
My elderly NDN made me giggle when talking about being asked out by an even more elderly gent from her lunch club "I'd not be interested even if his balls were studded with diamonds"

'No more brains than a frog has feathers'.

Where there's muck, there's brass.

Jace I love your nan's diamond saying!

A classic I heard once to describe a slutty woman - 'She'd give her arse away and shit through her ribs'!

You've landed with your bum in the butter. (i.e you've found yourself in a very favourable/fortunate situation)

love these - I have so many

It's crackin' the flags out there

Couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery

Me mouths as dry as ghandis flip flop

About as much use as a wet fart

Couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag....

The list is endless - good old Lancashire!

Another one...
Well that went down as well as a fart in lift

Love couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery, tis one I use a fair bit along with fur coat & no knickers which was a favourite of my grandma's

Flat out like a lizard drinkin

Some Yorkshire classics:

'Get to foot of our stairs!' (i.e. I don't believe you)

'There's trouble at mill'

Also my own personal moto, a Delboy classic, 'She who dares wins'

These are great! My favourite are...

'From arsehole to breakfast time' (i.e. A total mess 'The baby's got yoghurt from arsehole to breakfast time')

'I'd bet a pound to a pinch of shit'

freebreeze - "there's trouble at mill - cat's pissed on't bobbins"!

Don't run with the dogs if you piss like a puppy.

If wit was shit you'd be in an awful state.

Bless my gran.

3cats - never heard that bobbins ending!! Gonna use now

'It's neither nowt nor summat' - useful Yorkshire saying, and I just realised it is the same as 'It's something and nothing' in posh.

"Couldn't hit a cows arse with a banjo" - my DH says this about footballers, still no idea what it means

"I'm gonna meet myself coming back" - someone with a lot to do, usually said in the days before Christmas

"You're on a hiding to nothing" - I'm not sure what you're planning to do is possible

"Were the cows on strike?" - there isn't much milk in this cup of tea

You're about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike.

I'd much rather shit in my hands and clap.

"He'd peel an orange in his pocket if he could" - said about my Scottish Dad who could be quite tight fisted

My friend's mum (after a particularly daft comment) called my friend "two floors short of a bungalow"

I also forgot, my friend says "they could eat an apple through a letterbox" when describing someone who is 'dentally challenged'!!