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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect donation from friend

139 replies

chorltonloveswheelies · 14/08/2016 15:42

More of a WWYD really....
I am friendly with another Mum from my DS' previous school.

my DS has now left the school and has several pieces of sports kit going begging - all less than 6 months old in excellent condition and with school logo on.
Friend has asked if she can have the kit for her DS. Now here's the dilemma - the kit is now useless to me as my DS will need new stuff and although it originally cost me about £100 it has no resell value.

Now tbh I woiuld gladly hand it over as a gift to any other friend but I'm a bit Hmm that she hasn't made any gesture to make a donation or even offer a bottle of wine.

Relevant back story is that I have also looked after her DS after school every other Thursday for the past year. Was happy to do it and was not looking for payment at all, but again, would a bunch of flowers or wine not gone a miss when that came to an end??
Nothing, just a thanks.

So I guess question is: is she taking the piss, or am I being a tight wad? Part of me is inclined just to give the kit to school PTA where she'll at least have to pay a nominal amount to the school.

OP posts:
MooPointCowsOpinion · 14/08/2016 15:47

It's very cheeky not to offer a donation. Tell her you're putting it up for sale on the school's Facebook page.

I bet you're glad to be rid of her, she sounds like a freeloader.

pudcat · 14/08/2016 15:48

Just say you are going to sell it.

Original poster
chorltonloveswheelies · 14/08/2016 15:49

Thank you Moo.... Didn't want to come across as petty. As I said anyone else I would have handed it straight over to but she has just about got my goat.

OP posts:
Timeforabiscuit · 14/08/2016 15:50

Sounds like she's chancing her arm, say you're going to sell it as it cost alot of money.

Pearlman · 14/08/2016 15:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 14/08/2016 15:54

Give the stuff to the school if you aren't bothered about getting money for it.

If this 'friend' couldn't even muster a couple of quid for a box of chocs, then she sounds like a freeloader and I wouldn't give her another thought.

KoalaDownUnder · 14/08/2016 15:55

If it cost you £100 six months ago, surely it has some resale value amongst parents at the same school? Even if you just chuck it on FB?

There's your excuse not tn give it to her.

Original poster
chorltonloveswheelies · 14/08/2016 15:57

I have no idea of her financial situation but If it was the other way round and I was broke I would still find a way to express my thanks

OP posts:
TellMeSomethingNew · 14/08/2016 15:59

She's being cheeky!

FurryDogMother · 14/08/2016 16:00

Just say 'hi friend, well, I was going to sell it, but how about we do a swap - bottle of wine and you can have the lot'?

flossietoot · 14/08/2016 16:00

Depends on her financial situation. If a good friend of mine was on a low income and needed it I wouldn't even think about her giving me something.

Original poster
chorltonloveswheelies · 14/08/2016 16:01

Hadn't thought of the FB page. I'll be direct and ask for an amount and say otherwise I'll advertise it.

Half my problem is not being assertive enough in these situations; I'd rather wait for the other party to come forward Blush

OP posts:
Vickyyyy · 14/08/2016 16:02

I would mention that I was thinking of selling it as money has been rather tight recently and I could get twenty quid or so for it. This would usually prompt a 'well I can give you 10/20 for it'

However, this largely depends on the friends financial situation...your financial situation, and how much of a friend they are.

drinkingtea · 14/08/2016 16:02

You have old clothes you can't use which have no resale value but you resent one of the few people who can put them to use having them?

I always give kids old clothes away - better than binning them, and they have no resale value worth speaking of anyway. Hate it when someone occassionally asks if we want outgrown items and then it becomes clear they expect payment, as usually accepting used kids clothing is doing the person clearing out the cupboard something of a favour getting rid of now useless stuff and sometimes things are almost foisted onto other parents.

A bottle of wine would be a nice gesture if you have saved her money,but donation suggests money ...

dudsville · 14/08/2016 16:03

If you want a certain kind of response from someone then definitely wait until that opportunity arises and it might well be with someone else, but I don't think one of you is right and the other is wrong.

spankhurst · 14/08/2016 16:03

YANBU

drinkingtea · 14/08/2016 16:05

If you want to sell it you advertise it - giving it away to a friend then asking for money puts her in an awkward position.

nennyrainbow · 14/08/2016 16:06

What did you answer, OP, when she asked if she could have the kit?

Diglet · 14/08/2016 16:07

Don't say that you are feeling skint Shock I'd just tell her that you were going to sell it and that she is welcome to have it for XXX pounds as you want to put the money towards the new kit. Don't bother with feeling guilty or awkward. She can decline it if she wants or she can give you the money and save herself loads of money. It's not tight it's normal.

If you are genuinely too embarrassed tell her that it was a present to your son and that he wants to recoup done money towards the new kit. Surely no one can argue with that.

KoalaDownUnder · 14/08/2016 16:08

She hasn't 'given it away to a friend', though. The friend has asked for it.

Crunchymum · 14/08/2016 16:10

Just say 'I'd like to try and get back a little cash for xyz" and see if she offers anything.

Although I'm guessing it's too late now as mum has already asked for it and OP has agreed?

SandyPantz · 14/08/2016 16:11

YABU, if you wanted money (or wine) for it, that should have been the original deal, YABU to give it when you weren't really giving it freely.

You had the option of saying no, or saying "yeah you can have it in exchange for a bottle of wine", but you agreed to give it for nothing and now you're pissed about it. nobody to blame but yourself

It's my experience that school kid has zero all re-sale value unless you're very lucky, even in perfect condition

I've been on the otherside of this, someone leaving DDs school said she had a full set of uniform and would I like it. I said "yes please" and shouted her kid admission to soft play, and lunch and coffees for her and her kid when she was bringing the uniform. It was one asda pair of trousers and one asda polo shirt. No school jumper or anything. I was royally ripped off there! Paid about 3 times its worth in lunch & soft play admission. I shouldn't have offered

NeedsAsockamnesty · 14/08/2016 16:13

If you want to sell it to her then sell it to her, if you don't want to then sell it to someone else or give it away.

I can't stand this I'm going to pretend I'm going to give it to you ( on request or instigated by me) but I'm going to get all cross if you don't infact pay for it some way

pinkdelight · 14/08/2016 16:15

But don't people normally give you the wine / chocs after you've given them the stuff? It's normally given as a thank you gift, not discussed upfront. If you want paying, say so but it's odd to expect chocs mentioned at this stage. Like - "I'll give you these old clothes of my kid's if you buy me some flowers." I'd just let her have them, if she was a friend.

rookiemere · 14/08/2016 16:15

Could she afford to buy it or is she really skint ?

If she could then tell her that you normally hand it in to the PTA to raise funds and if she gives you £20 or whatever to put into PTA then that's fine.

Fine to ask but if I was asking some one I'd ask if I could buy it off them, would never expect to be given anything for free.

I'd drop her as a friend though she seems a bit of a user.