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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect donation from friend

139 replies

chorltonloveswheelies · 14/08/2016 15:42

More of a WWYD really....
I am friendly with another Mum from my DS' previous school.

my DS has now left the school and has several pieces of sports kit going begging - all less than 6 months old in excellent condition and with school logo on.
Friend has asked if she can have the kit for her DS. Now here's the dilemma - the kit is now useless to me as my DS will need new stuff and although it originally cost me about £100 it has no resell value.

Now tbh I woiuld gladly hand it over as a gift to any other friend but I'm a bit that she hasn't made any gesture to make a donation or even offer a bottle of wine.

Relevant back story is that I have also looked after her DS after school every other Thursday for the past year. Was happy to do it and was not looking for payment at all, but again, would a bunch of flowers or wine not gone a miss when that came to an end??
Nothing, just a thanks.

So I guess question is: is she taking the piss, or am I being a tight wad? Part of me is inclined just to give the kit to school PTA where she'll at least have to pay a nominal amount to the school.

OP posts:

Brighteyes27 · 15/08/2016 14:01

It's an awkward one. I was once given a lot of baby stuff without asking for it. But by the time I received it I was all sorted. I had a quick look through and the whites were grey and I it wasn't my taste so couldn't use any of it. Gave it to charity and I gave her a nicer bottle of wine for the gesture but then was slagged off as it had cost a small fortune.
I asked another mum who said her DD had no dresses if she wanted any so clothes for her DD that my DD two years older had grown out of. She said yes please but that was it. I have seen her DD wearing some of them. Then she once said she gets loads of clothes given for her DD but her DD can only wear so much so she takes everything else down to the place where you take a bin bag of clothes and they gave you a couple of pounds cash for the weight of it. They are both solicitors, very tight and go inlays of very expensive holidays which they like to ram down your throat. I have now stopped giving her clothing and give things to charity and sell the better things on eBay now instead. Some people have the face for anything and are just free loaders stop being mean to OP.

SandyY2K · 15/08/2016 14:06

I would probably give it to her free as I don't need it, but I'd also never ask anyone else for their childs's kit and definetly not without offering something, unless it was a very good friend.

oldlaundbooth · 15/08/2016 16:27

People are unbelievable.

I'd never have the cheek to ask someone for stuff, I'd always say ' What are you planning to do with XYZ? Would you sell it to me? How much do you want for that?'.

The lift thing is a shocker though - yes, because, time, energy, petrol and running a car is all totally free.

Reminds me of a mate of mine who slept at our student digs for one night a week for three years and didn't have the decency to offer us anything to say thanks once we graduated. Because rent and electric is free

Marysunshine · 15/08/2016 17:43

I'd say you were thinking of selling it for £25 and see what she offers. If she does not offer anything give it go the school for 'needy children'.
I'd not ask for wine - judging by her reluctance to pay her way it would probably taste like vinegar!

Greenyogagirl · 15/08/2016 17:43

I thought friends gave to each other and helped each other out without wanting anything in return?

amidawish · 15/08/2016 18:26

i think the point greenyogagirl is that they give, yes, but to each other. this friend is all one way and imo very grabby.

Meadows76 · 15/08/2016 18:59

As previous poster has said, surely the act of giving wine/chocs/flowers takes place AFTER you have given the person the items?

Tbh I don't see the problem, so what if she asked, she maybe thought as a freind she could ask you in case you planned to just chuck the stuff in the bin.

I'm always giving people thinsg that I can't use.

EddieStobbart · 15/08/2016 20:16

My friend has clear outs of her kids' stuff periodically and offers me things she thinks I might want. If I accept I give her a bottle of wine and a box of Maltesers for her DCs. She also signs my passport photo and I have witnessed official docs for her. I still think it's polite to give a small gift in return for her stuff - I hadn't thought about this before this thread though, it has always seemed like an obvious thing to do!

HerdsOfWilderbeest · 15/08/2016 21:26

She's got some nerve!

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 15/08/2016 21:45

I would expect a thank you card and some flowers or wine, not cash unless this was requested by you.

kesie123 · 15/08/2016 23:11

An acquaintance asked last week if she could have my son's uniform as he'd left the school - would have sold it at the school second hand shop and expected c£300 for it - v expensive uniform and sports kit - everything there! stupidly said yes and she came round yesterday for it and offered nothing and barely said thank you (worried more that it would fit her son!!). Feel a mug and could have really done with the money tbh but know i should have said I was planning on selling it and not just assumed she would think of paying for it. The wealthier the people sometimes the greedier they are!

RandomName9 · 16/08/2016 00:43

I used to periodically clear out all my sons clothes/shoes and give them to a relative (by marriage) who had 3 boys just younger than my son. The bits were always good quality, designer/decent stores & hardly worn as he was constantly growing & outgrew everything before wearing it out. I didn't ever want/ask for anything for them though as it was going me a favour. husband & mother thought I was mad not to sell them on.

The turning point came when she announced infront of everyone (at my sons bday party) that she should be giving me her child benefit money because she doesn't have to spend a single penny on clothes or shoes for her 3 kids!!! She thought it was hilarious. She didnt get a single thing after that..I didn't once get a bunch of flowers or Chocs from her let alone her child benefit money ..but now she isn't part of the family as the marriage that related us collapsed and I sell everything on eBay!

pollymere · 16/08/2016 12:11

I lent a dress to a friend's daughter and never got it back! I was surprised. It made me realize that you have to be clear. Say that each item is x amount, and ask if that's ok? I sold my daughter's stuff to a friend on fb for £3 an item. They were fine with that. I used the money to treat my daughter.

dustarr73 · 16/08/2016 18:57

But to me teh time to ask for money was when she said she was interested.She is not a mindreader and i said earlier the babysitting is down to you.You could have said no.

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