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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit pissed off about this?

139 replies

Syrianamal · 11/08/2016 14:24

Moving into new house with 3 girls, one of them has a dp who will be staying a few nights a week (she's not contributing more for this and she can't stay at his). He is also coming over to move her in etc etc. I was kind of hoping that first night would be a girly bonding night?!

OP posts:
Tiggeryoubastard · 11/08/2016 14:25

Err ok Confused

Costacoffeeplease · 11/08/2016 14:26

Did the others also expect a 'girly bonding' night, or did you just assume?

ImYourMama · 11/08/2016 14:27

You need a room mate agreement, 24 hours notice of guests, guests only twice a week, who does food shopping etc etc

DerekSprechenZeDick · 11/08/2016 14:27

I think you might be the only one hoping for that Grin

No harm in her fella been there. Alcohol can still be drunk and bonding can still happen I suppose

Kalispera · 11/08/2016 14:28

It's perfectly normal to help your girlfriend move house. Confused

Why not set aside tomorrow for a night out together?

Lilaclily · 11/08/2016 14:29

How well do you know these girls ?

Missgraeme · 11/08/2016 14:29

Maybe let him come over then u can ask him how much he he is putting into the 'pot' for the nights he will be staying over?

ImperialBlether · 11/08/2016 14:29

Is it a convent boarding house? Young women do have boyfriends. Their boyfriends do stay over. There's not much you can do except get on with him as best as you can.

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 11/08/2016 14:29

Sorry, epic fail from day one. If someone has someone staying over a few nights a week, then that person contributes more. Why should you pay for the water he'll use for a shower three mornings a week? Before we start talking about food (are you all buying separately)?

veryproudvolleyballmum · 11/08/2016 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinkheart5915 · 11/08/2016 14:34

Did everybody want/arrange a girls night for later or did you just assume?

What's wrong with a guy helping his girlfriend move in?

Is it like a student house? I own a couple of student houses and I don't make them pay more if partners stay over a few nights a week. All 3 tenants pay the same amount. People have partners

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 11/08/2016 14:34

I virtually lived with DP at uni so I used to put in money for the metre and buy top ups for the fridge things they shared (milk, butter...).

PaulAnkaTheDog · 11/08/2016 14:35

Ummmmm, what?! Yeah, I'd say yabu.

Queenbean · 11/08/2016 14:36

You need a room mate agreement, 24 hours notice of guests, guests only twice a week, who does food shopping etc etc

I'd tell you to fuck right off if you tried that with me!

Original poster
Syrianamal · 11/08/2016 14:36

Yeah it was spoken about! Thanks for the patronising messages!

I am slightly resentful at the fact that the couple are not contributing more...

OP posts:
Eatthecake · 11/08/2016 14:37

I think you just assumed you would have a girlie night and the others maybe don't

Partners stay over. She shouldn't pay more rent for having someone stay over. Surely your be buying your own food any way so it won't effect that. If they watch films etc together well the girlfriend would be using the electric anyway

Original poster
Syrianamal · 11/08/2016 14:37

I feel like she can have her cake and eat it (live with nice girls, bf over when she wants, she doesn't go to his)...

OP posts:
Eatthecake · 11/08/2016 14:40

Have her cake and eat it. What? She lives with girls pays rent and has he boyfriend stay over in the place she pays rents for

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 11/08/2016 14:40

He uses the water multiple times a week so he should contribute.

LewisAndClark · 11/08/2016 14:43

He needs to contribute.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 11/08/2016 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eatthecake · 11/08/2016 14:43

I never understand the water arguement tbh, oh no he has a shower twice a week. So everybody has to pay extra if they ever have anybody stay over and they use water? What about 1 tenant that has a shower for 10 minutes v another tenant that showers for 20 minutes like my DD every morning, does the 10 minute shower person pay less water too?

Maybe they will take showers together Wink

bluebeck · 11/08/2016 14:44

Have you posted about this before?

I think you were advised then that you needed to sort out the issue of the boyfriend staying over 4/5 times a week. If he isn't paying his way he doesn't get to stay.

I am surprised you are going ahead with it - everyone advised you against it!!

Costacoffeeplease · 11/08/2016 14:45

You're three individuals, not a family, you all have your own lives to live - maybe you'll have a boyfriend during the tenancy and he'll stay over?

Andylion · 11/08/2016 14:47

OP, I see nothing wrong with the idea of getting to know each the first night you move in together. I also see nothing wrong with her boyfriend helping her move in. I think you are just different people.
I am surprised some many pp have said he shouldn't contribute. From day one, you are being told that he will be staying over "few nights a week". Fine, then he should contribute. How was this arranged, by the way? Was it announced or were you and the other flatmate asked? Were you given any choice at all?
I fully understand your cake-and-eat-it-too comment.