To be a bit pissed off about this?

[Syrianamal]

Moving into new house with 3 girls, one of them has a dp who will be staying a few nights a week (she's not contributing more for this and she can't stay at his). He is also coming over to move her in etc etc. I was kind of hoping that first night would be a girly bonding night?!

I blame Friends ..me too.

OP, try to go into this with an open mind. The boyfriend might be a really nice guy that buys you all a takeaway and brings supplies of toilet rolls, milk, coffee and alcohol on a regular basis.

Could you all invite a partner on the first night and have a bondage night instead?

But if you tell her your worries you might be able to come up with a plan or added conditions. You're moaning about it but lot doing anything to sort it

Also it sounds like from that "we"either you of your bf have decided not to have him around more often for the girls not the girls deciding.

And yes, this is AIBU but I've bet you've moaned in RL too

Having a boyfriend over now and again is fine. But the instant you see ANY mail in his name being sent to your address, bring it up.

Op I would feel just as you do. I don't think YABU but then again I also think I am quite unsuited to house sharing as I only really relax when I am by myself.

It may be better than you think. I would give it a month before judging. Then come on here and judge away!

Just googled cost of a shower
Ranged from 13p to 123p depending on if it was a power shower has or electricity so I think asking for extra cash is vvv petty are you going to charge, say parents, £2 every time they stay??? hardly!!

But I would find a big loafing bloke smelling up half the sofa irritating so I would have a house rules discussion asap. Noisey sex is a drag too 😳

I have some experience here.

An extra person is extra use of facilities, loud laughter from room with which you are not included (specially for a lonely type) and sudden unexplained appearances of the OH stuff about the place. This has to be sorted out because you will otherwise come to hate your own home...specially if they are there without your flatmates presence - get up later or turn up to meet flatmate later. ..much later.

If you all have OHs staying that means 8 people in house. Hope you all have ensuites...xxx Muppet

Oh...and definitely no keys for boy/girlfriends....they knock on the door like everyone else.xxx

Pearlman - I said twice a month at mine... Twice a month at his too ie we sleep at each other's once a week. We have busy lives

I think you've had a rough time here OP.

I've lived with couples and they tend to treat the house as "theirs", but I see you've got another housemate so you wouldn't necessarily be outnumbered. The balance might be OK. The trouble starts when they want the house to work to their schedule and you feel like you're renting a room in their place.

On the other hand, I have also been in a situation where I lived with a housemate who totally snapped because me and the third housemate "didn't spend enough time with her". She accused me of stealing him as a friend because we had more in common and therefore did more together. She constantly complained about not having anyone to socialise with, it was draining and I left because of the arguments.

I now live alone

Anyone who announced as a fait accompli that their significant other would be staying over 'a few nights a week' and they weren't paying anything extra would never be a flatmate of mine. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Ffs

You're going to learn a very hard lesson by rooming with this 'mate'. I'd bow out now and get a room with your boyfriend.

FuckFaceMagee - is that at me?

I think you've had some really shitty responses here, OP. I think that's because some are too fixated on the use of 'girly bonding' in your OP and don't have the wit to see past it even with your subsequent posts. The poster who suggested that you're talking behind your housemates back is being stupid too, this is a forum for chat and asking questions.

I would rather live on my own that have random people staying over on a regular basis. It's not that they're a problem if they're in the housemate's bedroom but it's intrusive to have them everywhere else in the house when you haven't elected to live with them too. Having everybody's partners around for most of the week would annoy me too because I like my own space and would want to be free to drift around/do whatever without feeling like I'm being observed.

If there's still time, maybe make it a set amount of time in your head for the settling down and if after that it's not working for you then quit and find your own place.

You're not being unreasonable or needy to want what you signed up for and at the moment, you can't know how it's going to pan out.

I think you're getting a hard time here OP. I have seen other threads on here where people have complained that their housemate has a BF staying five nights a week and the consensus seemed to be that they were taking the piss so you never know what response you'll get!

Agreed.

These are all helpful posts. A houseshare can easily become a nightmare.

You must all get together and agree the ground rules...mainly around number of times, priorities for bathrooms and kitchens and they must ONLY be there when their host is. ....Xxx

Is this your second house share op? And one bad experience?

Up to three nights a week with partners staying over is usual / normal in my experience of house shares. But the main thing is to learn to compromise, or house shares may not be for you. Four people are bound to have different ideas about things. It's how you deal with the differences that counts.

Actually, you're not that unreasonable. If you wanted a male flat mate you'd have chosen to live with a male. As it is, you've had a male housemate foisted on you, and you'll have to put up with his taking the usual 20 minute morning shit that every man seems to have to do. Drives me mad

Lol ..If this is degrading into sexist slanging maybe it should move to the feminist board where their shit and menstrues smell of roses. Xxx

For me the YABU is because you haven't voiced your concerns and asked for some conditions in place. That's it. Just annoys me you are whinging but not prepared to do anything (in a simple, pleasant way, no drama) to rectify it.