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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit pissed off about this?

139 replies

Syrianamal · 11/08/2016 14:24

Moving into new house with 3 girls, one of them has a dp who will be staying a few nights a week (she's not contributing more for this and she can't stay at his). He is also coming over to move her in etc etc. I was kind of hoping that first night would be a girly bonding night?!

OP posts:
Sparklesilverglitter · 11/08/2016 14:47

People have partners they stay over I'm afraid, not every girl wants lots of 'girl bonding time' sometimes you just want a man

I don't see why she would pay more rent/water to have the boyfriend stay tbh.

Maybe house sharing isn't for you op

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 11/08/2016 14:47

One off showers fine but multiple times every week? No. He should contribute.

Mjingaxx · 11/08/2016 14:48

What happens when you get a partner and they stay over?

Sparklesilverglitter · 11/08/2016 14:48

Why shouldn't she be allowed people to stay over in the place she rents Confused it's not having your cake and eating it

YelloDraw · 11/08/2016 14:48

I thought everyone told you last time this was a bad idea to have an upfront agreement that he can stay over loads?

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 11/08/2016 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YelloDraw · 11/08/2016 14:49

I don't see why she would pay more rent/water to have the boyfriend stay tbh

WFT? If someone stays over every week for 3 nights a week - you don't think they should have to pay something?

Cosmo111 · 11/08/2016 14:53

I lived with girls at university no one paid extra for their partner to sleep over food was separately and the bills split between us. water wont be that much difference, I think you're splitting hairs here.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 11/08/2016 14:53

I don't think she should pay more rent because presumably they will be sharing a room. If you all had partners who stayed 3 nights a week, then you could just split the bills equally and decide between you and your DPs as to how you pay for their share. But you don't.

plimsolls · 11/08/2016 14:54

How does someone's boyfriend staying over affect you financially? Presumably they won't eat your food. Do you even have a water meter?

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 11/08/2016 14:54

Even if you all decide he doesn't need to contribute, the offer of that should still be there. It's very entitled of him to just assume you will all be ok with that.

Pearlman · 11/08/2016 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DesolateWaist · 11/08/2016 14:55

I feel like she can have her cake and eat it (live with nice girls, bf over when she wants, she doesn't go to his)...

Perhaps she isn't ready for them to move in together? Perhaps he only has a box room at his place so there isn't room for her to stay? Perhaps she has just come out of an abusive relationship and wants to keep her independence?

Some times people just aren't ready to live together yet. It's bugger all to do with you.
I do think that you, and the other tenants, do need to speak to her about paying something towards bill etc though.

HermioneJeanGranger · 11/08/2016 14:56

So long as she pays her rent, she can have him stay over as much as she likes. That should be separate from the financial side. She's an adult who happens to house-share. Not a teenager who needs to ask permission from mum and dad to have her boyfriend sleep over.

If you think he should be contributing to bills, then you need to sit down and talk about it. I assume you each pay rent/room and the utlities are split. Talk to her. But you need to expect the same rules to apply to you if you have people to visit or stay over as well.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 11/08/2016 14:57

I feel like she can have her cake and eat it (live with nice girls, bf over when she wants, she doesn't go to his)...

This attitude is ridiculously spoiled, selfish and dare I say jealous?

Sparklesilverglitter · 11/08/2016 14:57

Rent will be split between the people that the tenancy is in the names of, if they are having somebody stay in the room they rent then no I would not expect that person to pay rent.

Water, well a shower a few times I week I don't really see the issue and some tenants will all shower for different amounts of time so do they all pay water charges by timing the showers?

Food I imagine that each tenants will go shopping for food they want to eat so the boyfriends won't be eating over people's.

The reality of house shares is people have people stay over

Queenbean · 11/08/2016 14:57

God some people are being so stingy. Someone having a shower once or twice a week is absolute pennies.

Where do you draw the line? Timed showers? Only allowed to have lights on for a certain time? Only allowed to charge phones and use hair dryers for literally EXACTLY the same amount of time each? What happens if the other two aren't in the house - do you have to turn the heating off?

It is absolutely ludicrous to suggest the boyfriend has to pay. What about when you all get boyfriends?

Life and let live, life really is too bloody short to be seething about someone having a shower once a week at your expense.

Original poster
Syrianamal · 11/08/2016 14:59

She is my friend. Ok thanks everyone.

No I'm not precious about girly time, I had people I wanted to see the moving-in night but put it off as I saved it to get to know proper better.

OP posts:
Original poster
Syrianamal · 11/08/2016 14:59

*People better

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 11/08/2016 14:59

Back to the issue of the girly night, it would be nice to do that but everyone has to be up for it.

My DPs housemate used to plan guys nights when we were at uni and would kick me and another GF out for the evening. He was quite rude about it as well. I popped back after my school placement to pick up a DVD for me and a friend to watch, walked through to the kitchen to see my DP and he just said "you're not meant to be here".

My point is, don't fall out with your new housemates because of this.

Sparklesilverglitter · 11/08/2016 15:00

I do feel like she can have her cake and eat it (live with nice girls, bf over when she wants, she doesn't go to his)...

^^ WTAF? Jealous by any chance ?

Original poster
Syrianamal · 11/08/2016 15:00

Wtf?! I'm jealous? I have a boyfriend too but he won't be staying over half the week...

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 11/08/2016 15:01

I would have viewed the first night as a celebration of moving into a new place, so a meal all together would have been nice.

But she's setting the tone for how she wants you to view the share.

If that was your other thread, I commented on it and I don't think this will be a happy time, unless you change your expectations.

From day one, make it clear that your stuff doesn't get used/eaten/messed around with etc.

It's only if he starts hanging around, cooking for himself, that she should throw extra into the pot.

He is a guest of hers and it should stay like that (rather than him contributing), or your going to have issues. He also needs to behave as a good guest should.

Original poster
Syrianamal · 11/08/2016 15:02

I think a few people have misunderstood what house sharing is Smile

It's a compromise: I don't behave exactly as I would if it was just me living there; equally couples can't behave as if it's their house and I'm the lodger. It's sharing! Especially because his name isn't on the tenancy.

If I had a female friend to stay three/four nights a week, living there, you would all say that was unfair. Which it is, because she's not contributing but is an extra housemate.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 11/08/2016 15:03

I think everyone knows what a house share is, stop stamping your feet Hmm