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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding and hen costs... AIBU

135 replies

Redpencomment · 09/07/2016 12:53

I'll be a bridesmaid for friend who is getting married in the Bahamas in 2018. She has sent round an email estimating flight and hotel costs at £600 minimum and has instructed people to start saving. This estimate does not include spending money etc. On top of this I'll be buying a wedding gift. She hasnt mentioned buying the bridesmaids dresses so I might have to fork out for that and shoes aswell.

She has now dropped that she wants a hen night abroad (also in 2018 but in Albania). Shes sent another email to me and 10 other hens saying costs for flights and accommodation are estimated at minimum £450. Again, not including spending money and nights out, drinks etc.

Really? I don't have children and I would be able to fund this. I being unreasonable for thinking this is all a little OTT? I'd rather spend that £450 estimate for the hen night and go on a holiday. Either that or put it in my damn savings!

Am I being mean?

OP posts:
ThatsMyStapler · 09/07/2016 12:55
Biscuit Hmm

You could look at one of the many many many threads already on this type of question

You'll find suggestions like
Is she on glue?
It's an invitation not a summons etc

ThatsMyStapler · 09/07/2016 12:57

Where are you that a plane and hotel in the bahamas will only cost £600 and Albania for £450?

thecitydoc · 09/07/2016 12:58

your are not being mean - if it was me I would decline both wedding and hen night as costs are excessive. Brides need to think about the costs to others of their "I have always dreamed of getting married abroad in...". Bale out before you get sucked into more of this expensive nonsense.

PreviouslyBannedToaster · 09/07/2016 12:59

No, of course she's not being unreasonable. You should start saving and looking into high interest ISAs immediately! Grin.

I'd personally tell her to fuck off.

Vixxfacee · 09/07/2016 12:59

Bahamas for £600. Can you send me the link please.
Yanbu I wouldn't go to either.

idontlikealdi · 09/07/2016 13:02

I wouldn't go. That's a major holiday for us and it wouldn't be £600. She must know that by getting married so far away she will end up with a very small wedding.

NewIdeasToday · 09/07/2016 13:02

No way will you get to the Bahamas for £600. It will be £1,000++ just for the wedding.

Original poster
Redpencomment · 09/07/2016 13:04

Is £600 cheap? Lol I dont know what she was looking at but that was her estimate.

Tbh I want to attend the wedding, it's more the hen night I'm shocked at.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 09/07/2016 13:05

That's what I was thinking...... Flight to Bahamas and hotel for £600? I'd be suprised if you could get it for double that.

Original poster
Redpencomment · 09/07/2016 13:08

I don't even think you can check for prices that far in advance so maybe this was literally off the top of her head, I'm not sure.

doubts over the price aside... WWYD? AIBU?

OP posts:
MidnightAura · 09/07/2016 13:08

I'm getting married next month and no way in hell would I do this! Yanbu

EssentialHummus · 09/07/2016 13:10

Just say no now. If she's already causing this much shite two years before the event, you're going to face nuclear-strength Bridezilla come 2018. "I've had a look at my finances, and unofrtunately I won't be able to join in your wedding party - I can't justify the travel costs."

ThatsMyStapler · 09/07/2016 13:13

Such a shame you can't get a rough idea of costs by seeing what tickets cost this year?

Hmm
girlywhirly · 09/07/2016 13:15

I wouldn't have been able to afford that at any time during my younger life, but if you can and you want to go, making it your annual holiday, great. But the hen do away as well is over the top. I would be prepared to find myself the only bridesmaid, as if she is being this ridiculous now, what demands will she continue to make on guests and the bridal party?

There are loads of reasons why people may not be able to attend either or both events, financial, lack of annual leave, don't want to go to the Bahamas for their only holiday of the year, health conditions, children to consider.

And you most definitely do not 'instruct' guests to start saving, even if you have given them a good long time to do so.

My cousin's DD married in Barbados. The only people who came were her parents, the groom's parents, and some friends. Even the bride's sister didn't go because she couldn't afford to. Bride's choice, but she had to understand that only a few could go.

Justbeingnosey123 · 09/07/2016 13:16

Yeah definitely not unresonable that's a lot of money without being sure what else your expected to pay out. Be honest hopefully she'll be understanding

Bananalanacake · 09/07/2016 13:16

VIXX - Are you saying The Bahamas might cost more than 600pounds??

I've been to Albania on a day trip from Corfu, I don't think it is known for its raucous night life unless she is planning on sight seeing.

Original poster
Redpencomment · 09/07/2016 13:18

I think I might have to. Even with these estimates (which I now realise I was niave enough to take them seriously - have never been on a long distance holiday so not aware of the cost) are likely to be way more than suggestedConfused

OP posts:
Pearlman · 09/07/2016 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear · 09/07/2016 13:18

Stapler what's the issue here?

Fintress · 09/07/2016 13:20

A holiday to the Bahamas will cost far more than 600 quid! The flights alone are quite expensive.

StealthPolarBear · 09/07/2016 13:21

Depends where the op lives surely

Delta1411 · 09/07/2016 13:22

Agree with other posters your friends estimation is hugely optimistic!!! My firmed did this with her hen do. Said she wanted to go to York and stay in a remote log cabin, but also go out in York one night. I tried explaining those are two different dos as the taxi costs etc would be very high and she was convinced we could get from Northumberland to York, get to be log cabin, stay in a log cabin, go into York, drinks in York, meal in York, back to cabin, good part games and drinks in cabin......for £100 each. I told her that wasn't possible and she said I was being nasty.

I dropped out and she ended up having her hen do in a cabin....in Northumberland. Which probably cost well over £100 without any nights out or travel expenses!!!!

Gazelda · 09/07/2016 13:26

Pull out now. You know that the expenses won't stop at flights and accom. You'll be pressured to pay the bride's share of the hen, the cost of butlers in the buff, and cocktail making class, hen goody bags and endless other stuff. Then you'll have to have a hairdresser for the wedding, buy fancy shoes, outfits for the wedding rehearsal dinner etc etc.
Pull out now, for your own sanity.

KitKat1985 · 09/07/2016 13:30

If you are in the UK OP (and I assume you are) there is no way a trip to the Bahamas is only going to be £600. I'd say it would easily be double that.

She is being very unreasonable and I would politely say now, before she gets carried away, that you are sorry but you are already going to struggle to save enough money to go the wedding, and you can't afford the hen trip as well. I'd also click 'reply all' to the e-mail as I bet the other hens will be relived that someone has said this, and you will get a couple of other 'reply all' e-mails back from other bridesmaids saying they would also struggle to cover the costs.

Janeymoo50 · 09/07/2016 13:31

SIBU for going to Albania for a hen do for a start!!! (I had wine and a curry in Bromley!!!). The earlier you tell her you can "only do" the Bahamas the better!!!

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