Wedding and hen costs... AIBU

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I'll be a bridesmaid for friend who is getting married in the Bahamas in 2018. She has sent round an email estimating flight and hotel costs at £600 minimum and has instructed people to start saving. This estimate does not include spending money etc. On top of this I'll be buying a wedding gift. She hasnt mentioned buying the bridesmaids dresses so I might have to fork out for that and shoes aswell.

She has now dropped that she wants a hen night abroad (also in 2018 but in Albania). Shes sent another email to me and 10 other hens saying costs for flights and accommodation are estimated at minimum £450. Again, not including spending money and nights out, drinks etc.

Really? I don't have children and I would be able to fund this. I being unreasonable for thinking this is all a little OTT? I'd rather spend that £450 estimate for the hen night and go on a holiday. Either that or put it in my damn savings!

Am I being mean?

I completely 2nd the "Reply All" option when you send the drop-out email.

It is breathtakingly arrogant to ask anybody to participate in a wedding in the Bahamas unless you are COMPLETELY CONFIDENT that they can do it without the slightest financial concern.

I guarantee you that the other bridesmaids are feeling sick at the thought of it all, and a polite decline email with every body copied in will give the others a bit more confidence to raise their concerns.

Albania???!!!!

Send what icanteven has written. And YY to Reply All. It's quite offensive to instruct people to save for two years to attend your wedding. The bride is clearly not worried about upsetting her friends, so don't worry too much about spoiling her global coronation, sorry, I mean wedding.

My daughter was married two years ago in Bali. There were no official invitations but people were told if they wanted to make the journey to be there then they were welcome. Nobody was under any obligation to go. Fortunately one of her best friends wanted to go so she was the only bridesmaid. Grooms relatives wanted to go as they were celebrating a silver wedding so that was the best man sorted. She had a very low key hen party, just an afternoon tea at a lovely venue, and a party for everyone who didn't make the wedding a couple of weeks after we got back. It was the best wedding I've been to but there were only 12 of us including the bride and groom, so wouldn't suit everyone. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, in fact I think its your friend who is being unreasonable.

What happened to the traditional way of doing it, when the wedding took place in the bride's home parish and th stag/hen do lasted for an evening, not a week?

I agree Quinions. It's become an egomaniac circus.

Wow, some incredibly offensive things being said about Albania on here, has Brexit given people the green light to be racist in public now?

Don't think I've read anything racist.... And besides, when has saying you dislike somewhere mean you are prejudiced against the people who live there? I dislike Nuneaton as a town, but I grew up there.... Does that mean I hate myself?!?

Just to add the punchline to my story - it isn't 'abroad', just a UK holiday destination in peak season. We are living out of the UK at present so do have to fly there but everyone else is getting these charges for a wedding within driving distance...

PS: the in-law to be's family are all not from the UK and are 'not well off' so their whole side of the family's flights accommodation and drinks (yes really) are being paid for by the bride and groom...

No, you're not being mean. On the other hand, this woman is being completely unreasonable. I have always been under the impression that the bride and groom should foot the bill for everything wedding-involved, which includes bridesmaids, groomsmen etc. I struggle to comprehend brides even expecting their bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, let alone the situation you're describing.

Telling 250 guests to save for two years so they can attend your Caribbean wedding is not just grabby, it's insanity.

Either that or it's the fastest ever way to lose 250 friends in one swoop thus reducing any future Christmas card costs.