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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wedding and hen costs... AIBU

135 replies

Redpencomment · 09/07/2016 12:53

I'll be a bridesmaid for friend who is getting married in the Bahamas in 2018. She has sent round an email estimating flight and hotel costs at £600 minimum and has instructed people to start saving. This estimate does not include spending money etc. On top of this I'll be buying a wedding gift. She hasnt mentioned buying the bridesmaids dresses so I might have to fork out for that and shoes aswell.

She has now dropped that she wants a hen night abroad (also in 2018 but in Albania). Shes sent another email to me and 10 other hens saying costs for flights and accommodation are estimated at minimum £450. Again, not including spending money and nights out, drinks etc.

Really? I don't have children and I would be able to fund this. I being unreasonable for thinking this is all a little OTT? I'd rather spend that £450 estimate for the hen night and go on a holiday. Either that or put it in my damn savings!

Am I being mean?

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 10/07/2016 05:58

250 people invited to the Bahamas? Haha, I think she's in for a huge shock.

BarbaraofSeville · 10/07/2016 06:06

Surely only celebs and the super rich think that is an achievable wedding? Someone like the Beckhams or Kate Moss? And you'd pay for your guests flights and accommodation surely?

Unless you already live in the Bahamas of course but then I wouldn't have thought you would be trekking to Albania for a hen weekend?

And you wouldn't just send out emails, you'd discuss outline plans in person first, surely?

You say your friend is from Albania, is that near Cloud Cuckoo Land?

londonrach · 10/07/2016 06:47

Alot can happen between now and 2018. Pound can fall, she decides not to get married there, you have new job, baby, dh, new house (dont know your details). No way would i book something so expensive that far ahead. Yanbu but agree with others its going to be around 2500 k mark rather than £600.

Onsera3 · 10/07/2016 07:07

Lots of people do go to the Bahamas for their wedding. I saw plenty there at the resort. BUT they had come from the east coast of the States which is a very quick flight.

Perhaps she's joined one of these bridal forums from the States so thinks it's totally reasonable. My friend was on some site and I think it encouraged her OTT hens/wedding expectations. (She too had an island wedding!). She had such high expectations and was very stressed and disappointed about so many things.

People sometimes have these destination weddings knowing that lots of people won't be able to come and that they will be off the hook as they have invited them. This allows them to have a smaller more lavish wedding with only the people they really want there. Said friend confessed to me that was her reason.

Coconutty · 10/07/2016 07:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RaeSkywalker · 10/07/2016 08:06

I think you need to get a realistic idea of the costs of attending the wedding here, before you decide. As others have said, the bride's estimate is wildly inaccurate.

MustStopAndThinkBeforePosting · 10/07/2016 08:07

The only reasonable reason to get married in the Bahamas, if you live in the UK, is if you want a tiny wedding e.g. just the happy couple and perhaps 4-6 guests.

How many friends do you have who are close enough to expect to be invited to the wedding when they get married sooner or later op? If you assume these will be spread out over the next 8 years, how many weddings a year will you expect to go to? If you can easily afford to spend £2,500 on each one without begrudging it then by all means book up your Bahamas and Albania travel and accommodation ASAP. However, if forking out this amount on one friend is going to impact your ability to do the same for others then it would be unfair on your other friends to blow this much of the budget on a single wedding.

Rosa · 10/07/2016 08:16

If ypu can afford it fine... But if I had to save to go to a wedding unless it was my sister then sorry but my savings would go on me....

TendonQueen · 10/07/2016 08:20

Bonkers. Don't commit to anything.

Ifailed · 10/07/2016 08:26

The only reasonable reason to get married in the Bahamas, if you live in the UK, is if you want a tiny wedding e.g. just the happy couple and perhaps 4-6 guests
Why would you have to cross the Atlantic to do this?

StripeyDeckchair · 10/07/2016 08:52

I thought you'd missed a nought off the Bahamas holiday and you actually meant £6,000 and was going to say that as steep, no way would I be going.
FWIW £600 wouldn't even get the flights.

LagunaBubbles · 10/07/2016 08:58

Ifailed well you don't obviously but I think Muststop meant if the couple wanted to get married in the Bahamas in the first place.

MissBattleaxe · 10/07/2016 12:03

Thing is she's asked the OP to be a bridesmaid so it is tricky. When you ask people to your wedding abroad you are essentially asking them if your friendship is worth £XXXX and when the answer is no it will break some friendships

If you ask people to be your bridesmaid abroad, then you should pay for them. Otherwise it's emotional blackmail.

"I want you as my bridesmaid"
"Ooh! I feel special!"
"Good. That'll be 2,400 quid, please, otherwise you don't love me enough."

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/07/2016 16:37

as others said it will be more then £600

i got married in antigua, but wanted a small wedding as dh didnt like being centre of attention then a big party at home (once the pressure was off)

we had me, dh, mum dad , mil bil , my brother and a friend - cost was £800 pp for flights and week in fi hotel , tho was 9yrs

MissBattleaxe · 10/07/2016 19:17

Blondes- on that basis, it really does sound weird that the OP's friend think it can be done for 600!

joanne2020 · 10/07/2016 20:10

If you would love to attend and can afford it fab, but quite aside from the costs to you is the fact of travelling hundreds of miles across the world , I would only travel this far at a time and location of my own choice and would never feel obliged to do this at someone else's request it's not unreasonable to balk at this! You can wish her well and tell her you wish the arrangements were simpler as you would love to see her get married

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/07/2016 22:13

Excalty miss battle

Hell I would go there and be her bm if could have a week in Bahamas for £600 flights and hotel 😂😂

TheFullMinty · 10/07/2016 23:11

Wow, some incredibly offensive things being said about Albania on here, has Brexit given people the green light to be racist in public now?

Anyway, sod the wedding, it won't happen anyway once bridezilla works out that 250 guests are not going to rock up to the Bahamas. Perhaps just the initial excitement of wedding planning has got out of hand.

StrangeLookingParasite · 11/07/2016 00:01

Such a shame you can't get a rough idea of costs by seeing what tickets cost this year?

Stapler, if a little question like this pisses you off this much, maybe just don't respond.

Yes, I think she's out of her mind if she thinks people are going to pay that much money for all this. Hell no.

Only1scoop · 11/07/2016 00:05

'Instructed people to start saving' Grin

You decide to get married in the Bahamas you pay for the wedding party.

What an entitled zilla in the waiting

LazyJournalistsQuoteMN · 11/07/2016 00:22

Dh was invited on a stag and it was announced afterwards, that it would probably be abroad. Everyone was honest and said they could not afford it and eventually the best man organised it at home instead. Everyone is hoping someone else will take the first brave step and say no, so they can all agree not to go. I would say, I couldn't afford to go to the wedding IF I had to go abroad for the Hen/Stag. People aren't made of money. If you agree to this, there will be many more ridiculous demands to follow. It will get very expensive very quickly and then, the resentment will set in and the friendship will be damaged.

Binkermum29 · 11/07/2016 00:50

Norman Wisdom is a national hero in Albania.
Enough said.

19lottie82 · 11/07/2016 07:10

Just tell her you'd love to go to the wedding. You are really skint but you can JUST about afford £600 in total if you really REALLY scrimp and save.

What's that? It's going to be "a bit more" than anticipated? Well I'm sorry, but.........

ThatsMyStapler · 11/07/2016 08:14

StrangeLookingParasite

Gosh, you read a lot into my comment...

mouldycheesefan · 11/07/2016 08:23

Decline now it will only get more elaborate and expensive.
If she is no longer your friend because you don't go, she was never a real friend.
You won't be the only one that drops out, but do it now at an early stage.

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