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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wedding and hen costs... AIBU

135 replies

Redpencomment · 09/07/2016 12:53

I'll be a bridesmaid for friend who is getting married in the Bahamas in 2018. She has sent round an email estimating flight and hotel costs at £600 minimum and has instructed people to start saving. This estimate does not include spending money etc. On top of this I'll be buying a wedding gift. She hasnt mentioned buying the bridesmaids dresses so I might have to fork out for that and shoes aswell.

She has now dropped that she wants a hen night abroad (also in 2018 but in Albania). Shes sent another email to me and 10 other hens saying costs for flights and accommodation are estimated at minimum £450. Again, not including spending money and nights out, drinks etc.

Really? I don't have children and I would be able to fund this. I being unreasonable for thinking this is all a little OTT? I'd rather spend that £450 estimate for the hen night and go on a holiday. Either that or put it in my damn savings!

Am I being mean?

OP posts:
Roussette · 09/07/2016 14:26

I'm just laughing at 250 invited to a wedding in the Bahamas. I am imagining 1% of that number might go, i.e 2. Bride and bridegroom Grin

Why do people have to make weddings and hen dos so bloody complicated?

Is Albania nice, it seems a funny choice.

Onsera3 · 09/07/2016 14:34

£600 for a trip to the Bahamas!!

More like for the flight.

I went to the Bahamas for my honeymoon and went for a £300 a night all incl chain as hotels were over £100 per night and food is £££. Nothing grows there so food's all imported meaning it's twice the price of the States. Unless you want to survive on conch for a week.

People who have unrealistic expectations like this let them snowball for their weddings. They become impossible to please as they set themselves up for so many things to go wrong.

I'd try and get out of it.

MissBattleaxe · 09/07/2016 14:38
  1. She is being wildly inaccurate about costs
  2. The amount of notice she is giving you is pre-empting her stock refusal to accept "I can't afford it" responses.
  3. She is having a bloody laugh.

You need to reply saying "I'm sorry, I can't justify those sorts of costs. Have a great day!"

IMO it is actually rude, grabby and self centered to even ASK a guest to spend that sort of money on a wedding. i don;t care how much notice I'm given, it would be a firm NO on bloody principal.

Also- the bloody nerve of having a wedding abroad AND a hen night abroad!

Justbeingnosey123 · 09/07/2016 14:39

Well if she's told the hotel and airlines to expect 250 people she may well have some discounts to bring the price down. But seriously she thinks 250 people will spend that much and travel that far to see her married Shock

happypoobum · 09/07/2016 14:39

You beat me to it titchy I was going to ask if the brides name was Hayley Grin

RubbishMantra · 09/07/2016 14:41

Wasn't the torture porn film "Hostel" set in Albania? And "Severance"?

Maybe the bride's planning to murder the lot of you, and the wedding's a ruse - hence the wildly underestimated cost of £600 for a flight and accommodation in the Bahamas... Grin

SuperFlyHigh · 09/07/2016 14:44

Bahamas will cost a lot more.

I would also politely tell her that in this country you pay for your own BM dress just in case she starts on you.

paying for shoes etc you as BM should pay for that.

why the F does she want a hen weekend in Albania too??!!

MissBattleaxe · 09/07/2016 14:46

The groom is funding the wedding and her hen though, so maybe she does not compute with having to save and fund these things herself

Actually, the guests will be funding most of it.

Fomalhaut · 09/07/2016 15:10

Albania?? Err...

And there is no way in hell you'll get Bahamas for 600 quid. You might perhaps be able to get a flight there but it'll be some godawful route with bad stopovers. You need to budget 2k minimum (3 more likely) for flight,hotel and spends.

I think hedge your bets and tell her you might not be able to afford it. Then see if she changes her mind later when only a few folk can come

Fomalhaut · 09/07/2016 15:13

Oh and be aware that Jun- Nov is hurricane season and may -October is the rainy season 😁

PotteringAlong · 09/07/2016 15:19

Add hotel onto this...

Wedding and hen costs... AIBU
Birdsgottafly · 09/07/2016 15:59

""Is Albania nice, it seems a funny choice.""

Albania is a cheap drinking holiday, think Turkey, in the early 2000's.

A lot of people who used to go to Turkey (to get pissed in the Sun), are now either going to Albania or Albufeira.

Banana99 · 09/07/2016 16:19

Unless this was a close family member I would be seriously reconsidering this.
Personally if someone wants to have a wedding abroad I think really they should be covering the basic costs of the flights at least.

As for the hen do - no chance, I've never known one where the costs keep rising. I dropped out of a UK one because of all the 'extras' got a lot of grief, got to the wedding and found out so had lots of others. Also annoyed that no one else had considered we would all have to travel and take holiday from work as well.

Best she rethinks idea this now!

I hope she hasn't got a deal on the wedding based on how many guests she has coming to stay?

Original poster
Redpencomment · 09/07/2016 18:53

As for the hen night in Albania - she is originally from there.

Nope she has no group booking deals or anything like that!

Thanks everyone, I will definitely be declining the hen night.

OP posts:
scaryteacher · 09/07/2016 18:58

Have just googled flights to the Bahamas for August 2016 and a few are just under £600 return. Perhaps you'll be camping rather than in an hotel?

Sciurus83 · 09/07/2016 21:22

Oh my goodness! That is so extravagant, I just couldn't imagine asking my friends and family to spend that amount of money. You really can pull out of any part of this, I think you need to have a talk with your friend. Even if you are in a position where the money isn't an issue the amount of holiday you would need to take to attend these is a lot to ask, that's basically all your big trips this year?

BillSykesDog · 09/07/2016 21:30

Albania actually has some nice seaside resorts which are like unspoilt med fishing villages in Greece and Spain were in the 60s. Saranda is a bit Benidorm piss up though.

You can also rent absolutely gorgeous modern villas for a pittance in fantastic countryside.

Still too expensive though.

BarbaraofSeville · 09/07/2016 22:22

I'd jump at the chance to go to Albania with a friend who came from there so could show me around, interpret etc.

Patapouf · 09/07/2016 22:45

Lots of offensive comments about Albania on this thread Hmm it's got a lovely coast, is very cheap and the people are lovely. Makes sense if the bride is from there because it would be a fucking nightmare without a native speaker with you!

Bahamas is no way going to cost anywhere near £600. You can opt out OP, I'm sure she'll expect a lot of people not to attend.

trafalgargal · 10/07/2016 00:01

Thing is she's asked the OP to be a bridesmaid so it is tricky. When you ask people to your wedding abroad you are essentially asking them if your friendship is worth £XXXX and when the answer is no it will break some friendships.

Yes that £599 was just the flight (as I stated in the post) but realistically a flight with more practical flight times is going to be more like £800 and a direct flight even more a decent not OTT hotel will be at least £70-100 per room not per person per night without food.......something flash double or more.

It's a huge amount for many people .....for others it's a normal holiday budget though

100milesanhour · 10/07/2016 00:15

.

Milzilla · 10/07/2016 04:41

I would just say 'those plans don't work for me at all'.

Ridiculous expectations she has.

Fadingmemory · 10/07/2016 05:10

OK, so say at least £1500 to attend the wedding and £800 for the Albania trip. Call it a round £2400 in total. I see the wedding is in 2 years time so you need to save £100 a month from now on or put it on a credit card and pay the interest. Can you afford that plus all the other expenses that will inevitably crop up? Does the bride want a marriage or just a wedding?

She may think that if you are a true friend to her you will find the money. Look at it another way, if she was a true friend to you she wouldn't insist... Fine for anyone who can afford it but it seems that you can't.

LellyMcKelly · 10/07/2016 05:36

The bride is entitled to have any hen do and wedding she wants. You are entitled to not participate. Apart from the highly optimistic cost estimates the cost of outfits and presents could push your spending up to well over £2k, never mind the amount of annual leave you'd have to take to attend these events. I definitely wouldn't go. There are better ways of spending that money.

BoomBoomsCousin · 10/07/2016 05:50

As well as the fact the estimates are ridiculously low in any case, you also have to factor in that the pound is likely to fall a lot between now and 2018. Some estimates have it as low as 95p to the dollar by the end of this year. If that sort of scenario came to pass a holiday in the Bahamas would be a third as much again by the time you actually went (I.e. Even if her £600 estimate were reasonable for a holiday today, it would £800 after the pound fell).

But all that aside, you should tell her soon that the costs are not within your reach and while you wish her all the best you'll only be able to [do whatever bit of it you've decided is reasonable for you].