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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take ds to Lapland and not dd!

139 replies

Wilberforce2 · 07/07/2016 14:08

Ds is nearly 8 and I fear that this could be our last year of him believing, I've always wanted to go to Lapland and so has he but we could never afford it. I was looking yesterday and realised we could actually afford for me and ds to go this year (just as a day trip). I also have dd who is 2 and as well as not being able to afford for all of us to go I just don't think she is old enough to appreciate it.

My idea was that dd stays home with dh for the day and I will take ds to Lapland. Dh thinks this is awful and can't believe I would take ds somewhere so special and leave dd out! He wants to wait until next year to give us a chance to save up and then the 4 of us can go together (dd will be 3.5 by then).

I'm still not convinced that 3.5 is a good age to go and I really want to take ds while the magic of Santa is still there, he already asks far too many questions! I said we could take dd when she is 5 or 6 and will really appreciate it, by that time ds will be 11/12.

Am I terrible for thinking of leaving dd behind for one day?

Sorry first world problems I know!!

OP posts:
twinkletoedelephant · 07/07/2016 14:10

Take ds now and take dd later surely it's a no brainier??

She won't understand what's going on and be tired and grumpy all day. Spliting your attention.

Go and have a fabulous day

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 07/07/2016 14:12

As long as you take your DD at about the same age I don't see the issue. It's a lot of money I assume and a 2 year old won't remember (neither will a 3.5 year old!).

RedHelenB · 07/07/2016 14:14

Agree with your husband. Wait another year and they vcan both enjy it and both be on the photos

NeedACleverNN · 07/07/2016 14:16

I would go as a family tbh

Yes he might have outgrown Santa but Lapland would still be a very magical holiday

JessicaRabbit3 · 07/07/2016 14:16

That's a bloody shitty thing to do. What on earth would you think that was acceptable? The only time that would be OK if it was an activity where it wouldn't be suitable due to her age this isn't the case here. I have a 2year old almost 3 DD she would love that and total understand. Even at just 2 she was fully aware of things. We also have an older DS 8 so we cater our family activities around the two oldest (youngest is a baby can't always join in). If she had been a baby I would say leave her but your definitely unfair and showing favourism if you leave her out.

ABloodyDifficultWoman · 07/07/2016 14:17

Have I just woken up after a 6 month nap and it's two weeks before Christmas? Or has it all started particularly early this year?

Shock
Original poster
Wilberforce2 · 07/07/2016 14:20

Jessica - I'm not favouriting one child at all, my thinking is that dd is 2 and yes she will know that me and her brother are off out somewhere but I do try and spend time with both of them on my own. It's Lapland, it's bloody freezing, she will have to wear a thermal snowsuit, it's a day trip so she would be beyond knackered. If I wait until she is older ds will be too old for he whole Santa thing but yes will probably enjoy Lapland as a whole anyway. I definitely don't have a favourite!

OP posts:
Original poster
Wilberforce2 · 07/07/2016 14:21

So sorry difficultwoman I really didn't want to mention the C word in July but if I'm doing it then I need to book it soon!!!

OP posts:
user1467101855 · 07/07/2016 14:23

Even at just 2 she was fully aware of things

Like bollocks she was. Hmm

OP, clearly you can ignore this judgey poster. You're obviously not being unreasonable. Treating children equally and fairly does not mean doing everything together at all, thats a juvenile way to look at it.

Summerisle1 · 07/07/2016 14:24

Ignoring, for a moment, the bizarre need to discuss Santa Claus in July, my advice would be to wait another year and take them both. Your ds will still find the experience amazing.

Never underestimate how left out your dd child might feel if she doesn't get to go either. My dsd who (for what seemed like perfectly reasonable and sensible reasons at the time) didn't get to do a couple of things her older brother did. Trust me, she hasn't forgotten and while the discussions are light-hearted, underneath it is clear that she did feel left out. (She is now 33)

TheWindInThePillows · 07/07/2016 14:24

No, I wouldn't do a day trip to Lapland with a two year old. Presumably they would have to get up early, go to bed late, and would probably tantrum a lot in between.

LouBlue1507 · 07/07/2016 14:27

IMO YABU... I think you should wait and all go as a family next year. You say you want to wait a few years before taking DD, well what if you can't afford it in a few years? Shit happens! And what about your DH? I'm pretty sure he'll want to share that experience with DS too, if you wait you can all experience it together as a family...

Btw I also think that since your DH is against idea, you shouldn't do it...

mishmash1979 · 07/07/2016 14:30

Sounds like a magical experience for u and your son. We regularly have days out with my teens and leave my 5&6 yr old with grandparents. Their turn will come

bigbuttons · 07/07/2016 14:37

Of course a 2 year old isn't going to appreciate it. Op take your ds and leave dd at home. You will have magical time with your son, he will remember it and so will you.

Princesspinkgirl · 07/07/2016 14:39

If it was me id rather go as a family

OneArt · 07/07/2016 14:40

I don't think YABU in thinking that you could take DS this year and take DD another year.

But if your DH wants it to be a family thing, then YABU to ignore him. Decisions about family holidays need to be made by both of you!

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 07/07/2016 14:41

Go for it.
You can go back with the whole family when your DD is older and then you will have the photos with everybody.

MadameJosephine · 07/07/2016 14:42

I would take him, he's old enough to appreciate it and she probably isn't. I don't think it is 'favouritism' to want to have a special time with one of your children. You can always do something special with her another time.

UntilTheCowsComeHome · 07/07/2016 14:44

I think what you have planned is fine. Take DS now and DD when she's old enough to appreciate it all.

I know someone who went to Lapland with her best friend leaving her 10 and 7 yo DSs at home! They really wanted to go too.
Now that's fucking mean.

Original poster
Wilberforce2 · 07/07/2016 14:44

Thanks everyone, mixed responses! I still have no idea but am definitely swaying towards taking ds this year and dd in a few years.

Dh isn't worried about the whole "family thing" his concern was dd being left out but he would do something fun with her while we were gone anyway (I know it won't compare to Lapland)! He would come next time when we took dd.

I will talk to him tonight but obviously if he is completely against it I won't do it.

Enough of Christmas now and back to Summer!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Wilberforce2 · 07/07/2016 14:45

Until the cows Wow!! That is quite mean, my ds would be so upset if he knew I was going and wasn't taking him!!

OP posts:
peanut · 07/07/2016 14:49

I did it last year with my 3 girls (the youngest is 5 and it is amazing but s very long day we flew out at 6am and landed at midnight so the 5 year old just about coped but no way would I take anyone any younger. Take your ds and enjoy.

CodyKing · 07/07/2016 14:50

Id agree fair doesn't mean equal.

DD may prefer something else when she's 8 - my eldest would have hated Santa - she'd have loved to see the dinosaurs tour!

HomerSimpsonsStubble · 07/07/2016 14:52

A trip to Lapland with a 2 year old? NO THANKS! I don't think tantrumming toddlers make for a magical trip. And whoever said that 2 year olds are aware of things: erm...no, they're not. They're only aware of crying and being a pain in the arse when you want them to be quiet and happy. (I'm having a particularly bad day with a 2 yr old if you notice!)

Take your ds and have a fabulous time. Why on earth somebody would try to make you feel bad about this is beyond me. Go!

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 07/07/2016 14:52

If it was me I'd just take ds.
Last year my dh took my ds (then 6) for a fun Halloween themed trip to relatives in the US and I stayed home with dd (then 4). It was mainly a cost vs 'will she appreciate it' kind of thing + turned out to be lovely for everyone, so smooth. I made sure dd and I did lots of smaller special things. DD has smallest bladder in the world, gets motion sickness and has a hellish temper when sleepy which takes a lot of focus from ds sometimes. Doesn't mean we love her any less.

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