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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take ds to Lapland and not dd!

139 replies

Wilberforce2 · 07/07/2016 14:08

Ds is nearly 8 and I fear that this could be our last year of him believing, I've always wanted to go to Lapland and so has he but we could never afford it. I was looking yesterday and realised we could actually afford for me and ds to go this year (just as a day trip). I also have dd who is 2 and as well as not being able to afford for all of us to go I just don't think she is old enough to appreciate it.

My idea was that dd stays home with dh for the day and I will take ds to Lapland. Dh thinks this is awful and can't believe I would take ds somewhere so special and leave dd out! He wants to wait until next year to give us a chance to save up and then the 4 of us can go together (dd will be 3.5 by then).

I'm still not convinced that 3.5 is a good age to go and I really want to take ds while the magic of Santa is still there, he already asks far too many questions! I said we could take dd when she is 5 or 6 and will really appreciate it, by that time ds will be 11/12.

Am I terrible for thinking of leaving dd behind for one day?

Sorry first world problems I know!!

OP posts:

Levatrice · 07/07/2016 15:46

Take ds while he still believes, and just save to take dd one day in the future; can see your dp's logic though , if its going to cause big arguments maybe not worth the grief.

Even if u do save up for all of you next year im sure 3.5 is too young for some companies?

Babysafari · 07/07/2016 15:47

Yanbu to your dd as she won't understand or care.

The only thing I'm thinking is that when you take your dd when she's older your ds will still probably want to go again. I'm not sure he'll see it from the point of view that he's already been.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 07/07/2016 15:48

Wait until DD is older. You'll book it, and by December DS will have outgrown Father Christmas. He's nearly eight, so that makes him either going into year three or four. There is no way he will still completely believe by Christmas, as kids will be talking from October onwards about how he is a lie.

So wait until you can all go as a family, when she is old enough to still be believing, and he is old enough to enjoy it and keep it magical for her.

Flouncy · 07/07/2016 15:48

I took my middle child to Eurodisney for a mini break (very cheap coach overnight full day/ evening at disney then coach back overnight) Eldest has severe Autism would have found every element of the travel stressful and not gone on any rides, monopolised all my time and ment DS2 would have to queue on his own and go on rides on his own. Dd was 3 and a bit young for most rides, a bit young for the very long day and late night and would have wanted different things from the day than DS she's also undergoing ASD assessment.

I in no way regret it. DS2 and I had a fab break. I ensure that the other DC get special activities too but when its appropriate.

DS1 desperately wants to fly business/ first class anywhere. He's been obsessed by this since he could talk so XH and DH are going to get new credit cards with 20000 airmiles which should get DS1 and I to Paris and back business class for £35 each taxes if I've got my numbers right.

DD wants me to take her to Legoland next year.

belleandsnowwhite · 07/07/2016 15:51

My dd at 2 had no idea what Christmas was, at 3 she only had a little idea of what it was about.

NarcyCow · 07/07/2016 15:52

I'd take him and get your DH to bring your DD to see Santa somewhere closer to home. From what I've read about Lapland, it's not recommended for kids under 4 or 5 due to the extreme cold, and neither of my kids would have been able to handle a daytrip that big at 2 or even 3; I'd have my doubts about doing it with DS and he's 4.5! And if your DD gets to see Santa anyway, she won't feel left out hearing about it.

Thomasisintraining · 07/07/2016 15:54

I would totally do this and think there is a huge value in one on one time with children and their parents. My older DD did a fantastic trip away this year with me but totally inappropriate for her younger sister but Dd2 is already making plans for her version when she is older which is likely to be a different trip and apparently it will be DH who brings her, she adores her daddy, which is her choice. Fairness has many guises and does not mean everyone does the same thing at the same time.

MrBoot · 07/07/2016 15:54

FWIW Exit I don't really believe that kids should just have experiences when they are old enough to remember them. They enjoy them at the time and that is all that really matters. A few photographs is enough to show them they were there.

But that is only as long as they enjoy themselves. A long return day trip for a two year old would have more negstives than positives. I could think of a lot better things to do with my uncooperative two year old than drag her around for hours and hours in the cold. She would actually make the day unbearable for everyone else.

ExitPursuedByABear · 07/07/2016 15:59

I know - I was only joshing. I am always saying Oh do you remember when we went to blah blah blah and my disdainful 16 year old just looks at me with a blank expression. I should have just locked her in a cupboard.

grannytomine · 07/07/2016 16:00

Are you sure he still believes? and will he in six months time? I think by 8 or 9 most kids have figures it out, although I will admit that none of mine have ever admitted to not believing even though the eldest is in his 40s. I think they are worried the presents will stop if the actually say the words.

MrsShepherd · 07/07/2016 16:01

My dad took my little brother and I when I was around your sons age. He kept it a surprise and woke us in the middle of the night and asked if we would like to meet santa! It was one of the most magical experiences of my life and I will never forget it. My brother however was around 3 or 4 and he cried the whole time as despite the thermals and snow suits he was freezing! Definitely take your DS now whilst it still is this wonderful experience and take DD when she is old enough to really appreciate it.

happypoobum · 07/07/2016 16:01

I think DS is too old and DD too young, sorry!

I don't think it's a problem taking one and not the other, but it's a lot of money to spend on something he probably won't believe in. It sounds like it is you who wants to go OP!!!!

Maybe take them both to Eurodisney instead?

JudyCoolibar · 07/07/2016 16:05

I think it may be a trifle optimistic to assume that an 8 year old still believes in Santa. Are you sure he does? I don't think belief in FC necessarily makes that sort o trip any less fun for a child around that age, so it may be worth putting it off for a couple of years.

TallGreenLamp · 07/07/2016 16:06

Haven't read every post so sorry if this has been mentioned already. I don't think its unreasonable to take DS without DD who wont really understand or appreciate the trip... I would feel more sorry for your DH missing out on something so special with your DS if he has to stay home with DD though!

WhooooAmI24601 · 07/07/2016 16:08

We all went together; one in all in is our rule with stuff like that. We waited til this Easter to do Disney as the extra year meant DS2 (5) could enjoy it too.

Wait and go next year when you can all enjoy it. We went last Christmas and at 4 DS2 was only just able to enjoy it properly.

Also I don't think 8 is too old at all, and I absolutely think most 8 year olds believe in Santa.

CurlyBlueberry · 07/07/2016 16:08

I would take him, if you're sure he still believes, and let your DH do something fun with DD. Then when the time comes, your DH should take your DD and you stay behind and do something fun with DS.

I only have a 1.5yr age gap and even so sometimes there's things suitable for one child and not the other. No issue at all "splitting" the family, we don't do it for everything and it means everyone's happy!

silverduck · 07/07/2016 16:09

We are going this year. When I booked the operator gave a sigh of relief when I said they were all school age, she said the number of people who think it is good idea to take a baby/toddler/pre-schooler to temperatures down to -30 and 6 hours on a plane in one day was gob smacking, and they get offended if they try and gently point that out.

We have been pre kids and there is no way I'd contemplate taking a little one for all kinds of reasons. Your plan is the right way to go. Sounds like your DH has the arse about not going actually, maybe he takes DD when she's the right age?

mydietstartsmonday · 07/07/2016 16:12

You are not favouring one child but giving 1 child precious 1:1 time.
He has had a little sister in tow for 2 years; I suspect he deserves some just the two of you. Something he will remember for years to com.
Go for it.
And do something special for her when she is ready.

allegretto · 07/07/2016 16:14

I would go with DS. DD is too young to really appreciate it (none of my kids can remember what they did at 2) and would probably like just as much to do something nice with her dad instead, whereas a long flight and the hassle of getting there would be worse for DD and probalby the only thing she would remember. I don't think it is necessary to take every child everywhere! (Having said that I wouldn't go anyway as I think these trips are overpriced and the thought of flying anywhere for a day trip doesn't appeal!)

RhiWrites · 07/07/2016 16:17

Lapland in a day sounds nightmarish. Read this Jon Ronson column before you go though!

www.theguardian.com/travel/2002/dec/21/weekendmagazine

MiscellaneousAssortment · 07/07/2016 16:18

Your plan is great. DS probably won't last another year believing, he sounds like he's in that twilight kind of time when they have an inkling it's not all true but are willing and eager to believe in the magic and wonder.

It will be a terrific bonding experience for DS and you, and it can become a sort of family rite of passage when you do the same for DD.

KissMyArse · 07/07/2016 16:20

It's a shitload of money just for a day trip but if you can afford it then I don't see the problem.

Make sure you start a 'Lapland' savings fund for your daughter to ensure you'll be able to afford to do it with her too. It would be awful (and very unfair) if your financial circumstances change in the next couple of years and her trip goes out the window.

I also agree with a PP that your husband should take her, and you and your son remain at home. That way everyone gets to go.

I think 2 is too young for that kind of round trip. 6-7 hours flying plus all the arsing around at the airport. Add in the extreme temperatures and it just doesn't seem a good idea for a toddler.

Scaredofschool · 07/07/2016 16:20

Yanbu. We took for day trip when he was 6. He loved it but it was a long day and he was probably only just old enough to manage it.

I'm pretty sure in 3/4 years time when you or DH take DD your DS will be happy for her and know what a special time it was for her whilst remembering his day there.

MunchCrunch01 · 07/07/2016 16:24

i don't think DD got into Christmas before at least 4, and for this kind of trip I agree it's a 5 and up thing. I agree though that if I were your DH, I'd be a bit miffed at being left out, so you have to find someone to have the younger one so you can both go or agree that he goes with DS or you go with DD when it's her turn.

Whyohwhyme · 07/07/2016 16:27

Anyone else googling 1 day trips to Lapland

OP go for it - your little girl would be so tired.

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