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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is no big deal?

153 replies

MelCookie · 29/06/2016 10:23

I have been working out with a personal trainer for the past few weeks, he's helped me enormously post-injury and is a nice guy. He's changed a couple of sessions for me at short notice and with no charge.

We chat during the sessions (random stuff, seems to make it hurt less!) and starting talking about books the other week.

I was ordering some books on Bookpeople the other day and needed to spend another £4 for free delivery. Had a look at some cheap books and spotted a £4.99 book (about the digital world) that I thought he'd like, so I bought it.

DH went nuts and said it was deeply inappropriate and has changed the basis of my relationship with personal trainer and has raised expectations.

I consider myself a generous and thoughtful person. I like to show appreciation and, for me, it was just a small token of appreciation.

Who is BU here?!

OP posts:
peppercold · 29/06/2016 10:36

He's your trainer not your boss!

Princesspinkgirl · 29/06/2016 10:39

I think buying books for your trainer is wrong because you have a dh if you was single id say fair enough this sounds like you've over stepped the mark here I agree with your dh

WorraLiberty · 29/06/2016 10:39

Your DH is being unreasonable.

Is there any kind of back story?

What is your relationship like generally?

WorraLiberty · 29/06/2016 10:41

Princess why wrong?

She didn't buy him 50 Shades of Grey.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 29/06/2016 10:42

Kind of weird.

You're wooing him. Buying him gifts indicate you fancy him. Your DH is jealous. Mind how you go.

FuckyNell · 29/06/2016 10:44

Inappropriate I'd say.

flowercap · 29/06/2016 10:48

I agree with your DH. It's not something I'd ever consider doing in a professional relationship and I wouldn't be happy if DH did it.

Birdsgottafly · 29/06/2016 10:48

My ex and my DH (deceased) would buy the stereotypical stuff such as chocolates or flowers, for 'other women' on occasion.

I've had a PT and my DDs have, I and they don't have the type of relationship with them, that, this wouldn't make the PT feel awkward, tbh.

I've been in work roles and have been given presents and haven't liked it, I've felt that it crossed a boundary, so I don't tend to give presents.

You know your PT.

Original poster
MelCookie · 29/06/2016 10:49

Thanks for the replies

Eeek - seems like I might have got it wrong. Am really embarrassed now. Definitely don't fancy the guy!

Was just being thoughtful and thoughtless at the same time it seems.

OP posts:
confusionis · 29/06/2016 10:50

Its weird but not really a big deal

Sgtmajormummy · 29/06/2016 10:51

Buy books for anybody you like. It's appropriate for all ages and relationships.
Only you know what motive lies behind it and that's what counts.

Original poster
MelCookie · 29/06/2016 10:52

Just to put it into context. I always give our cleaning lady Christmas gifts for her and her little girl. And if I'm on my way home when she's working, I usually pick up a muffin or cookie for her to have with coffee.
Is this also a bit daft?

OP posts:
CurlyMango · 29/06/2016 18:12

Yup, daft. Hard for them to say no also.

Babysafari · 29/06/2016 18:20

I don't think it's that bad. I can see why your dh might be a bit jealous though.

I think getting your cleaner a little gift and a cake is a lovely thing to do.

Babysafari · 29/06/2016 18:22

I wonder whether if the personal trainer was a woman people would still think it was bad.

Queenbean · 29/06/2016 18:22

Yup, a bit silly. Would you be upset if your DP had started seeing a fit female personal trainer and bought her something similar after seeing her for a few weeks?

Marmite27 · 29/06/2016 18:25

My driving instructor once gave me several books he thought I should read..... Following on from conversations we'd had when driving. He gave me my favourite book ever (The Mayfair Witches by Anne Rice).

Should I have thought he was wooing me???

Shizzlestix · 29/06/2016 19:52

Defo a bit odd. You're paying him, so you don't need to get him gifts.

RudeElf · 29/06/2016 19:57

I dont find it odd but then i'm not the sort to be overcome with the urge to clutch my pearls at the idea men and women can be friends.

cbigs · 29/06/2016 20:08

Nah sounds ok to me op. You
iChat buy your hairdresser something if you got chatting say? Would t be any different in my eyes....

cbigs · 29/06/2016 20:08

Might not IChat Hmm

Charley50 · 29/06/2016 20:19

Might be petty but id be a bit jealous, ESP if the personal trainer was fitter than me (likely) and that you didn't buy me a book. If your DH isn't much of a reader you might have felt a bit, I dunno, diminished, by you getting someone else a book.

Charley50 · 29/06/2016 20:21

He might not you might.

Glovebug · 30/06/2016 00:11

Babysafari I was wondering the same thing!

OlennasWimple · 30/06/2016 00:13

It blurs the boundaries between client / professional and friend to get "just because" presents. Whether that's a problem depends on individual circumstances