To think this is no big deal?

[MelCookie]

I have been working out with a personal trainer for the past few weeks, he's helped me enormously post-injury and is a nice guy. He's changed a couple of sessions for me at short notice and with no charge.

We chat during the sessions (random stuff, seems to make it hurt less!) and starting talking about books the other week.

I was ordering some books on Bookpeople the other day and needed to spend another £4 for free delivery. Had a look at some cheap books and spotted a £4.99 book (about the digital world) that I thought he'd like, so I bought it.

DH went nuts and said it was deeply inappropriate and has changed the basis of my relationship with personal trainer and has raised expectations.

I consider myself a generous and thoughtful person. I like to show appreciation and, for me, it was just a small token of appreciation.

Who is BU here?!

you sound lovely and kind op

but if your dp is upset at this, I wouldnt do it again

I wanted to give a male in my life a gift once so pretended it was from my dp! Lol! I then had to tell dp incase it ever came up!

Don't stop being kind! At least you told your dh!!!!!

I once was a cleaner for a lady and she gave me gifts. She once give me a bedding set she had because she had got some ink on it! We still use it now.

I felt appreciated.

I wouldn't like it.

DH wouldn't like it either.

I am sure it is totally innocent and it means nothing at all, you sound like me in the fact that you are generous and love buying things for people. I would probably want to do the same thing you did but I wouldn't because I know DH would be uneasy with it.

So many people on here who wouldn't do innocent things because it wouldn't make their DP's happy. Scary.

I think you did a nice thing for another person. If the sentiment behind it was to "woo" then it would be inappropriate. If the trainer was (I'm assuming you are straight and female) female, would your hubby have a problem then?

I went for lunch with my PT last week

YY Restless. Also who find it fine to gift women in a working situation but not men cause you must fancy him...

Actually I'm not so much worried about jealous men as awful, clichéd internalised misogyny and insecurity/Mills &Boon cod psychology masquerading as "tell it like it is" honesty. Boak.
Also unsaid ... He's a personal trainer, 'must be dishy' boak boak boak. Would it be the same for her accountant etc? No Mills n Boon/Chatterley narrative there though.

It was a book about bloody computers not 50 Shades, as another poster noted.

For all the people saying what would the responses be if the PT was female, I have been seeing a female PT for a year, and I got her a token gift at Christmas. But when I think back to when I had been seeing her for a few weeks, I think it would have been rather odd to have bought her a 'saw this and thought of you' gift. Overly familiar.

But you do sound lovely OP, and I'm not doubting your intentions. If you're normally like this then your husband should understand and not feel threatened by something you would do for anyone in a similar situation.

I think it sounds fine OP. Kind and generous.

I'm in the camp that says this is inappropriate and your husband is within his rights to say he isn't happy.

For me it's the idea that the PT was in your thoughts. The £4 could have been spent on a book for anyone but your first thought was for your PT.

My head would say it's no problem if my partner did this, and I'ld try to be cool about it
But I wouldn't feel cool about it.. and at the same time I'ld feel like I was BU to not feel cool about it IYWIM

Huh. I am not a person who gives gifts to people I don't know well, but I know a psychotherapist who gets chocolates and stuff from her patients all the time. So that seems to be pretty normal.
I don't see how a personal trainer would be that different.

Of course it depends on what the book is, but if it is not Fifty Shades of Grey ...

DH is BU, for going nuts at the very least. Telling you to be careful because men will read flirting into every kind thing a woman does for them, fair enough. It does happen.
But it's not reason to make a scene. He knows you didn't mean anything inappropriate by it.

Wow. Sounds like a lot of thinking about something simple. I'm always looking for a spend to make up the difference to free delivery and I think this was your motive. Hopefully DH knows you well enough to know that!

I don't think it's a big deal. You sound like a really nice and thoughtful person.

Here's the important point . . .

You can always - ALWAYS - find free delivery codes for The Book People if you have a quick Google.

Would decimate the divorce rate in this country.

Please don't feel you've done anything wrong. Just depends what day/time/moon phase you post around here. What's acceptable changes minute by minute.

You're a nice person, who does nice things. Don't change 💐

Your DH would have a point if was 50 Shades of Grey, or The Idea Weekend Away... A book about the Digital World, not so much. See if Amazon deliver grips.

I think it's fine no need to worry !

I'm an ex-librarian and I am always giving people books. I even sent a book to a shoe shop assistant in Canada because we'd been chatting about something related. I think it's sad if you can't give people something that they would like.

I think your intention sounds fine and it's nice to buy little gifts for people. However, I can see your DH's perspective. You are spending time (in sportswear!) with another man - perhaps buying him a gift is overstepping the mark.
That said, I have a strong conviction that partners have some say in this kind of thing and I have stopped contact with people if it makes DH uncomfortable.

There can be an imbalance of power in a pt/client relationship, where often pt can find clients "falling" for them. You are spending time talking about fitness weight loss etc. Sometimes people feel apologetic for taking up someone's time even when paying for it.

Are you speaking about him a lot to your husband?

I absolutely hate paying for delivery!!!! And I love giving books!! I would have done the same. And I'm pretty certain my husband wouldn't have batted an eyelid (he's asleep or I would have asked him!).

He has helped you out post injury & also changed sessions at no extra cost. I would just give it to him & say it's a little thankyou for helping with your injury & maybe even jokingly add that you also got free delivery!!

For a fact if you had said the PT was a woman there would have been no issue. It's a pretty sad world we live in that people think buying a £4 book means your 'on a slippery slope to an affair!!!'

Dear god it's a book, it's not underwear or anything like that, it's a book, I gave someone a book the other day because I thought they might like it, it wasn't a declaration of love lust, I want to shag yo, it was a gift of a book,

Since the op said she has a DH, then it can be assumed that the op is attracted to men. They may also be attracted to women, but that is not mentioned. I do not identify as being attracted to women so my motives towards another woman would not be flirting perhaps trying to buy friendship (or Hero worship)

I don't understand why this would BU. That said I do have a lot of male friends... and my husband has a lot of female friends. Getting buthurt over a book just seems bizarre.

I think you should keep random, spontaneous gifts for close friends and husbands.

(I would feel very threatened if DH bought gifts for his female PT and not for me).