AIBU no thank you after two months

[Gatecrasher61]

We went to a wedding over two months ago. They asked for money, which the DH refuses to do at weddings as he feels it is crass. Especially as this couple were very well off.

So we got them some very tasteful gifts which were appropriate to their hobbies. However we haven't had a thank you.

Surely after over two months this should have been forthcoming?

I am in the small minority to who think that it's just as crass to ignore a couple's wishes and think you know better than them. However, a gift is a gift and they should thank you. Do you know if anyone else has had theirs yet? Some people do just take ages to get them out.

hope they send you this

But they asked for money!

The answer is in your OP. Look hard and you'll find it.

I honestly can't understand the angst people find in people asking for money as a gift, seriously it's like people want to be offended

They probably just haven't got round to thank you's yet, I guess they've been on honeymoon etc

It's an odd one. I don't think asking for money is that bad to be fair. Often people insist on bringing gifts and a lot of the time they aren't useful or your taste. So money seems like a good option.

I think given they asked for money and your ignored that and got them what you think they wanted, it's no surprise a thank you hasn't turned up. But I suppose it's general etiquette to say thank you, even to an unwanted gift.

You give a gift because you want to give it. Not because you want the recipient to say thank you for you giving it. Doesn't matter if it's what the recipient asked for or not.

I'm the first to admit that I'm slow at sending thank you cards out, although they do always get sent in the end, but I absolutely can't bear getting a little message off someone just checking if the parcel arrived. So passive aggressive and mean spirited.

Yep your being unreasonable

That's rude of them not to thank you whatever you gave them.

Did they thank you in person?
Have they thanked other people?

The problem with your gifts is that they may not have had the specs they'd require for their hobbies. And what you consider tasteful, might not be to their taste.

If someone asked me what I wanted and they got me something completely different I probably wouldn't be very thankful either.

Most people I know took several months to send the thank you cards out after their weddings. I'm not fussed about stuff like that so I never even notice how long it takes but if someone has got 100 individual thank you notes to write with personalised messages on each one it might well take them a few months to get them all done.

Nope. No verbal thank you either, although we have seen them since the wedding. I don't know if anyone else has had thanks either. They are both wine enthusiasts, so I can't see how they would not have appreciated a £150 bottle of champagne along with other presents.

I would rather give cash no matter how crass than waste the same amount of money on a gift that I knew wasn't wanted. Maybe they could sense your judgement and didn't care to pretend to be thankful for the gift that you got not as a congratulations but a little lesson in how you thought they should have behaved

Post wedding thank yous take time to get out, especially if you had a long honeymoon/big wedding / slow photographer (for making thank you cards)

We thanked everyone, how could you not? However, the off-list gifts we received, were, without exception, not to our taste/duplicates of items we already owned, and have languished in a cupboard ever since.

I always give cash but do think it's rude to actually ask for it. I had no gift list at all for my wedding, if people wanted to give us gifts then great and if they didn't then that was great too.
2 months isn't a very long time, they could have gone on a 2 or 3 week honeymoon after their wedding, waiting for their photographs to come back to make up thank you cards with some pictures of the day, waiting for the thank you cards to arrive then writing out and addressing 100 thank you cards whilst at work full time.

Nonsense. They were rude, simple as that.

That was to monkey

Just out of curiosity, sorry to derail OP, but how long do they normally take? I know someone said it was passive aggressive to send a 'did it arrive' message but I really want to know if one I sent in November was received. I couldn't go to the wedding and have heard nothing from bride (who I considered a dear friend for the 13ish years before the wedding)since I sent my regrets. Not for that, the present or Christmas card. Does it actually take that long to get around to thanking everyone? (Even a text would do).

My nephew sent out thank you cards about a month after the event as well as sending a text message the following week, while he was on his honeymoon!

I wouldn't expect one. Anyone who 'asks' for cash as a gift is crass.

I absolutely can't bear getting a little message off someone just checking if the parcel arrived. So passive aggressive and mean spirited

Really? If I send a gift I expect some sort of acknowledgement, even if it's a text saying it's arrived. If I get none I worry that it didn't get there, and the recipients don't realise I've even sent something. Not PA or mean spirited, actually concerned the bloody post office have lost it, which is not unheard of.

I have several relatives that send my kids money/cheques and often send me an email asking to let them know it arrived.

What is the issue with sending a "little message" back saying yes, it got here, sorry being slow with the thank you's"

2 months isn't long! Most of the weddings I have been to (prob less than 10!) the thank you came 6 months+ later.
One June wedding did the thank yous as Christmas cards.

But £150 champagne as a "hobby"

Why is asking for money any less ‘crass’ than giving people a gift list, which is essentially saying “we’d like presents but don’t trust you to pick one so one of these please.”? Either you want to give them a gift or not, I don’t see why it matters what the couple want. Nobody does this on birthdays or other occasions, why do people get so uppity about weddings I wonder?

Expatinscotland glad I am not the only one who is uncomfortable with people asking for money. Especially as this couple would probably make the Times rich list.