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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU no thank you after two months

153 replies

Gatecrasher61 · 27/06/2016 14:21

We went to a wedding over two months ago. They asked for money, which the DH refuses to do at weddings as he feels it is crass. Especially as this couple were very well off.

So we got them some very tasteful gifts which were appropriate to their hobbies. However we haven't had a thank you.

Surely after over two months this should have been forthcoming?

OP posts:

Magstermay · 27/06/2016 14:54

Presumably they needed money as they asked for it, and would have appreciated £150 in cash more than in a form they can't even keep and will essentially end up in the toilet .
However, a thank you should be sent regardless but will often take longer than 2 months to get through everyone.

KoalaDownUnder · 27/06/2016 14:54

Of course it's rude.

The etiquette around saying thank you has nothing to do with how much you like the gift. Do (adult) people honestly think it does?

EvansAndThePrince · 27/06/2016 14:55

So they asked for money and are well off, you decided to NOT do that but get them champagne which they will have received gallons of at the wedding, after the wedding, on the honeymoon, as gifts...and they will have just spent an absolute fortune on the wedding so probably aren't as well off as they would usually be. And you don't see the problem?

I don't think asking for money is crass, we did so that after our wedding and honeymoon, we still had a little savings so that we could start trying for a baby without worrying too much.

KoalaDownUnder · 27/06/2016 14:56

(I also agree that asking for money is completely crass, whether you 'need' it or not.)

BeautyQueenFromMars · 27/06/2016 14:56

We're still waiting for a thank you for cash we gave (requested in invitation to spend on honeymoon 2 weeks after wedding) early in 2015.
Not holding our breath though - they didn't even get us a card when we got married the year before. Then still went on to ask for a cash gift when they got married

Original poster

Gatecrasher61 · 27/06/2016 14:57

I wouldn't mind, but we have seen them a couple of times since the wedding and they haven't even said thanks.

OP posts:

Goingtobeawesome · 27/06/2016 14:57

Much more fun to wrap a gift than shove a cheque in an envelope.

I'm pretty old fashioned so my kids always do thank yous. We get none back.

KoalaDownUnder · 27/06/2016 14:57

Seriously, Evans? You didn't think you should have a cheaper wedding/honeymoon instead?

Bloody hell.

Umbrella85 · 27/06/2016 14:58

I don't think I personally thanked people when I saw them after my wedding, even before the official thank yous went out. I think considering you got them what they didn't ask for that you are being a bit sensitive, however I am also sure that they're just being a bit slow sending them out.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 27/06/2016 14:58

I am under the impression that etiquette says you have a full year after the wedding to send your thank you notes. Ours took longer than 2 months because we were waiting for photos from the photographer to include in the thank you notes.

KoalaDownUnder · 27/06/2016 15:00

No, you don't have a year to send thank-yous. That was never a thing.

The guest has up to a year after the wedding to give a gift.

JennyOnAPlate · 27/06/2016 15:02

My PIL bought us a lawnmower as a wedding gift. We had a gift list which didn't include a lawnmower, and had a perfectly good mower sitting in the garage. I still sent them a thank you card.

purplefox · 27/06/2016 15:02

YABU - They asked for something, you gave them something else. You deliberately went against their wishes and expect to be thanked for it?

I'd hate it if someone got me a £150 bottle of champagne.

Pinkheart5915 · 27/06/2016 15:02

I've never had a thank you arrive right away after a wedding, by time they've enjoyed being newly weds, changed name everywhere ( if names are changed) and been on honeymoon I wouldn't expect a thank you right away.
I sent the thank you notes for our wedding about 4 months after, I didn't realise people Whitby the letter box for them.

I don't understand you not giving money but buying a present makes no sense to me. The £150 you spent on champagne could just of easily gone in a card I just don't get it

Lweji · 27/06/2016 15:02

I can't see how they would not have appreciated a £150 bottle of champagne

They may have sent such cheap bottles to charity.

Who knows?

LouBlue1507 · 27/06/2016 15:03

Either get over it or bring it up with them instead of bitching about them behind their backs.

Tbh you sound a bit of a douche getting them £150 bottle of champagne when they asked for cash. You don't know their financial situation!

birchygoo · 27/06/2016 15:04

You have a year to give a present after someone gets married and you have a year to send a thank you card. Most people I know tried to incorporate it into something like a Christmas cards type thing. I sent mine out just as a thank you. Although I have been to quite a few weddings and never received any thank you! Actually thinking about it most I have not received thank yous for. Never occurred to me before as I don't expect to be thanked for a gift.

I dont mind people checking if it was received though - I be worried that things haven't gotten places safely.

Although I would much rather spend my money on things that people actually want/are going to use so I very rarely buy a gift unless they have a gift list. I hate the thought of spending my hard earned cash on something that is going to sit at the back of a cupboard.

You say They are both wine enthusiasts, so I can't see how they would not have appreciated a £150 bottle of champagne along with other presents.

Maybe they like wine but not champagne, or maybe they don't like the type of champagne or maybe they look at it and think about things they really need and that £150 could have went towards that (like i look at the magnum bottle of champagne sitting in my cupboard this past 2 years from my wedding) I still thanked them for it and ohhed over it.

KoalaDownUnder · 27/06/2016 15:05

Wtaf?? Do you honestly think like that, purple?

That's just not how gifts, or manners, work.

I despair.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 27/06/2016 15:05

Koala you're right of course! Google says 3 months.

Actualy what Google says (in each of the first 6 results) is "contrary to popular belief, you do not have a full year to send thank you notes"

So lots of people seem to be under the same misapprehension!

EveOnline2016 · 27/06/2016 15:06

So in all the speeches made not 1 person said thanks for attending and for the gifts.

KoalaDownUnder · 27/06/2016 15:06

You do not have a year to send a thank-you card.

KoalaDownUnder · 27/06/2016 15:07

(Sorry, cross-post - that was to birchy!)

Lweji · 27/06/2016 15:07

And you never know. Maybe they never received the presents, or don't know who gave them.

hippiedays · 27/06/2016 15:08

Two months isn't very long. I wouldn't mention it as you know they received it as I imagine you gave it to them or one of the wedding party directly. I think it would make you appear a bit 'needy' for gratitude if you enquire about it.

FWIW I think thank you notes should be made a priority.

As an aside just how much do people give extremely wealthy people. In guessing the usual £150 per couple is enough but it has to depend on your social circle so perhaps they were expecting every couple to hand over £259 and upwards.

hippiedays · 27/06/2016 15:08

*£250 not £259 lol

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