new child - upset X W

[TeaandCake8]

AIBU? DP was married for 11years they had 2 DC -pregnancy wasn't planned they decided to do right thing & marry to give it ago- but in the end they divorced.

I've been with DP for 20years now & just had our 1st DS together, x w is pissed as hell , his DC have stopped talking to him (admit their relationship has been rocky 4 few years due to stirring by xw) the DC haven't meet our new DS .

I feel terrible his fallen out with his DC , but should it upset his xw after all this time? think it's been a reasonable amount of time they have been spilt up for!

Is my maths completely wrong or is his oldest DC 31? And the youngest must be at least 21?

Congrats on your new baby. But if you've been together 20 years how old are his DC's??? Surely they are adults by now?

She sounds incredibly bitter & needs to get a grip. She's the unreasonable one here

Congratulations on your baby

20 years later he has a baby with you and his ex doesn't like it, She just needs to get over it really should of moved on herself by now.

Is the 20 years a typo?

Have you been with your dp for 2 years op?

Yes, 2 years would make more sense of this.

They were very young when they had DC - now 30/25

He loves them very much but it seems how ever his approached parenting it's been considered wrong by xw & the DC have been made to choice sides (by xw)

Thank you enjoying new DS very much

Yes twenty years together this year (bit of an age gap between me & DP)

I'm not saying this justifies the ex wife's behaviour, but did your DP leave his wife and kids for a teenager? You weren't the babysitter or anything were you?

You've been together for 20 years and they were married for 11 and they are only 30/25?

Exactly how young were they 😬

I'm guessing there's a typo here

The DC are 30/25 I think Frog.

Oh just ignore me - I mistook it to be the ages of DP and X, not their children 😋

DP must be considerably older than OP...
Perhaps with XW at 20, left her at 31, is now 51 and having a child with OP who lets say is in her 30s... It's plausible.

Has his ex wife got a new partner or has she been sitting at home for the past 20 years waiting patiently for DP to return to her?

They were definitely stilt up when we meet but can understand the comment!

I can't get the maths right here. You've been with him 20 years but just had your first baby... so, you were 20 or younger when you met him? 18? 16? Crikey. I'm not sure if my middle-aged husband (he's had time to have an 11 year marriage and a 20 year relationship) walked out and set up with a teenager I'd not still bear the grudge 20 years later. What sort of father has he been to his sons? Seen them regularly? Paid maintenance?

Yanbu, she needs to get a grip and so does his children. They are grown adults so what's the issue with a baby. Congrats on your baby, just leave them to stew and ignore it.!

Bound to be much more to it than OP is stating. 20 years after a divorce, why would you even know what your ex from 20 years ago thinks of what you are up to now?

The whole "mean exwife kept him from his kids" trope is often trotted out by wife no2 to excuse very poor behaviour from the man. Much easier for her than admitting he was a shit husband/father possible cheat, maybe didn't pay maintenance etc etc.

YANBU, she has nothing to do with what her ex husband of 20 years chooses to do. Think it is sad his children have been dragged into arguments concerning their fathers and mothers dislike of each other (sure the feeling is mutual)

Think the maths/age of people is irrelevant given they are consenting adults although I too am intergued but that's just because I'm really nosey :)

Ken people can have babies into their 40s you know. I assumed OP was maybe 20 when she met her DH and now she's in her 40s.

Either way none of this matters.

OP it's sad but you will have to rise above it.

Is it really the ex W - of are they embarrassed put out they have a much younger sibling something they should get over - or just not that interested in new sibling and Dad's new life?

I honestly can't see why the ex-w would be bothered - who is telling you she is - why if the DC are all adults is there any contact with the ex?

Even if she is bothered - just try and not let it affect you. At 30 and 25 the children are adults and completely able to make up their own minds about situations.

And the whole "wife/DP number 2, can't possibly be right" is trotted out a hell of a lot too. And sometimes the father is wrong, but sometimes the mother is wrong too.

I think it would be nice to just sometime take the OP's word for it.

I can understand an adult child feeling sensitive and upset that their father has had a new baby.

It must feel a little like being replaced. I can imagine it might feel like they were 'mistakes' and he has a chance to get it right with family two.

I'm not saying any of that is true but you must be able to understand why they might feel that way?

If the DC are 25 and 30 I have no idea why your DH would have any contact with his ex wife though. Surely he deals directly with his adult children?