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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ex husband rewashing all the DC's clothes

142 replies

HollysStupidHair · 23/05/2016 09:19

The DC wear clothes home from ex husbands house. I wash, fold, bag them and send them back the next time they go.

DD mentioned that she hadn't been able to wear a top to a disco as it was wet. I said well I sent it back dry why was it wet, she sheepishly said 'the clothes all get washed again when we take them back'

I phoned ex and asked him if he was rewashing the clothes, he said yes. I asked if there was a problem with my washing? He said 'I don't really see why it matters to you, its not you re-washing them it's not really any of your business'

I think it is my business since the only reason to re-wash clean clothes is if you are making some kind of judgement as to how they've been washed in the first place.

AIBU to just send the clothes back unwashed from now on? What a massive waste of time!

OP posts:

HeyMacWey · 23/05/2016 09:20

Yanbu - just send them back unwashed.

Does he send back unwashed clothes?

PeppasNanna · 23/05/2016 09:21

Send them back unwashed!

Fourormore · 23/05/2016 09:21

It's not your business but if that's what he's doing I'd send them back unwashed.

StrawberryQuik · 23/05/2016 09:24

Is he generally a bit of a twit or could he have some genuine reason? For e.g. my friend gave me a bag of hand me downs, they were obviously freshly washed but I re-washed them because they felt itchy when I touched them (sensitive skin), or maybe the smell of your washing powder gives him headaches etc etc.

But yeah don't bother washing them anymore.

bibliomania · 23/05/2016 09:28

I wouldn't waste any more thought on it. Send them back unwashed. At least he's doing some washing, I suppose.

MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 23/05/2016 09:28

Don't wash, let him play silly buggers with himself.

Arfarfanarf · 23/05/2016 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SheHasAWildHeart · 23/05/2016 09:33

If he chooses to rewash them that's fine but then he should have a way of making sure that they're dry quickly so your DD can wear them.

Enb76 · 23/05/2016 09:34

I sort of know his reasons - the smell will be wrong. I don't re-wash clothes sent back to me because I am lazy but I cannot bear the smell of the laundry powder my ex uses. It just smells alien and makes my child smell weird (to me). I have asked him not to bother about washing stuff that he's sending back to and he was perfectly fine with that.

KittensandKnitting · 23/05/2016 09:35

I think just send them unwashed and save the time, if he's a twat he will start complaining that they are unwashed...

It could be that he has allergies, I used to change my washing powder all the time did once when early days with DP and he couldn't get near me without getting a hideous headache.

My clothes were always rewashed after a very rare visit with my dad as his smelt of dog, smoke and inncence and my mum hated it.

KittensandKnitting · 23/05/2016 09:36

His house always smelt of...

And so I smelt of dog, smoke and innocence.

TheSockGoblin · 23/05/2016 09:37

I rewash my sons clothes sometimes because i really dislike the smell of my exes washing powder! I dunno why, it just makes me a bit yucky..but I wouldn't be mad enough to tell him this and ask him to change his washing powder. So I just throw back the clothes that smell really strongly of it back into the wash.

fuzzywuzzy · 23/05/2016 09:38

Send them back unwashed, and don't be upset about it.

Could you conceivably chuck in your own laundry and ask for him to retur it when done 😝😝😝

Lonecatwithkitten · 23/05/2016 09:38

There could be all sorts of reasons my DD hates her Dad washing her clothes because he and his partner smoke and she has been teased about smelling of smoke. She just places everything in the wash regardless of clean or not when she returns. I now just asking him not to wash, which he mumbles about, but it seems pointless stuff being washed twice.

Original poster

HollysStupidHair · 23/05/2016 09:38

I change washing powder all the time depending on price so doubt it's that. No pets and don't smoke.

Yes he washes their clothes and sends them back. I don't have the time or inclination to re-wash them

OP posts:

Penfold007 · 23/05/2016 09:39

It's his issue not yours and he's right it's none of your business, sorry that sounds really rude. Don't waste your time doing his laundry or overthinking this issue. You were trying to be reasonable but he wants to play silly games. Just put the used clothes in a carrier bag and send them back.

Incidentally does he send 'your' items back washed and folded?

paxillin · 23/05/2016 09:40

Do you have a cat or some other pet he or somebody else in his house is allergic to?

paxillin · 23/05/2016 09:41

X post. Playing games then.

NoFuchsGiven · 23/05/2016 09:41

Why are you sending clothes? He is their Dad why hasn't he bought clothes for them to keep there?

unimagmative13 · 23/05/2016 09:41

I think by his response you know the answer is unreasonable (to you)

If it's was reasonable you may have for the answer like- I'm allergic to your powder or it's the cat hair etc

paxillin · 23/05/2016 09:42

She's sending back clothes from his house they wore for the trip to hers.

Original poster

HollysStupidHair · 23/05/2016 09:43

No pets.

I'm just going to send them back unwashed from now on.

He's going to find himself buying a lot of new clothes if he keeps washing them that much!

OP posts:

TheSockGoblin · 23/05/2016 09:43

But yea YANBU to send them back unwashed if he is going to do it again anyway. Saves you a job doesn't it?!

And try not to be too put out - scent is powerfully evocative for lots of people and if sometihng your children are wearing doesn't smell 'right' or you actively dislike the scent then it can make you feel uncomfortable.

I highly doubt it's about your washing abilities and a lot more about him wanting the clothing to smell a certain way..something he doesn't have to explain to you.

just be happy you have got rid of an extra job and try not to take it too personally!

NoFuchsGiven · 23/05/2016 09:44

Sorry, I misunderstood.

Original poster

HollysStupidHair · 23/05/2016 09:45

Yes his response was 'your not the one washing them so it's not really your business. I said well you're kind of making a judgement about me washing not being good enough if you need to redo it. He said well that's your words not mine.

OP posts:

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