Ex husband rewashing all the DC's clothes

[HollysStupidHair]

The DC wear clothes home from ex husbands house. I wash, fold, bag them and send them back the next time they go.

DD mentioned that she hadn't been able to wear a top to a disco as it was wet. I said well I sent it back dry why was it wet, she sheepishly said 'the clothes all get washed again when we take them back'

I phoned ex and asked him if he was rewashing the clothes, he said yes. I asked if there was a problem with my washing? He said 'I don't really see why it matters to you, its not you re-washing them it's not really any of your business'

I think it is my business since the only reason to re-wash clean clothes is if you are making some kind of judgement as to how they've been washed in the first place.

AIBU to just send the clothes back unwashed from now on? What a massive waste of time!

[MsHoolie]

My SiL always overdoes it with the VERY strong fabric softener... suspect your fabric softener reminds your ex of you and he'd rather not be reminded. (I can understand that... smell is really evocative)

Solve the drama by sending stuff back unwashed... one wash is better for the environment 😋

[Marynary]

He probably assumed that you hadn't washed them and rewashed them without checking i.e. he made a mistake and doesn't feel like admitting it. Send everything unwashed in future.

[JeffFromTheDailyMail]

I rewash clothes from MILs, she does a much better job of washing and drying than me but we used to use the same washing powder as her and now it reminds me of morning sickness I can't bring myself to tell her because it sounds deeply ungrateful

[frumplstilskin]

I wouldn't send them back unwashed as he will be able to say holly sends all the poor children to mine with dirty clothes.

[GabsAlot]

but theyre his clothes that he bought-send them back unwashed

i think people have misread the op

the kid wanted to wear the top she couldnt because he rewashed it then said tough its none of your business

well it is if her dc comes home telling her she couldnt wear her top

he sounds like an utter twat op all about control

[AddictedtoSnickers]

I agree with your annoyance OP. Regardless of wanting things to smell 'his way' rather than yours it's sending a funny message to the children. Making them change their clean clothes for no reason and rewashing clean clothes is silly. Your priority has to be the effect is has on the children though and not you. If they don't care, try to ignore it but if they start getting a bit OCD over clothes/cleanliness then you may have to ask him to chill out over it. Also, definitely don't bother sending anything back washed!

[e1y1]

Agree with most others here, one of only 2 reasons I would rewash clothes is if I didn't like the scent.

I love my wash products, have a few different ones, and probably tried them all over the years.

Some of them though are headache/vomit inducing. So if my ex happened to use one of those products, then I would have to rewash them.

Every household does really have their own smell - it's not just the wash stuff, it's the smell of your house, what you clean it with and what you wash yourself in. So there is nothing wrong with putting your own smell on it.

Whether you wash them or you don't, he is going to redo them, so I personally would continue to wash them, as this is what you have always done (plus it's nicer to send children off with clean clothes). Yes he will rewash them (but that is his choice, and his utility/shopping bills).

If however, he specifically asks you to stop washing them, then you could ask him why (you still don't HAVE to stop washing them, even if he asks, they are your children's clothes too, it of course would be your choice).

Also yes if he is wearing out the clothes out faster, I hope he is contributing to new ones.

[e1y1]

Sorry, I have only just started getting through the thread.

As these are "his" clothes, what I find odd, is that if he does have that much of a problem, why he just did not ask you to stop washing them?

Anyway, on the back of the conversation you had with him, has he now asked you to stop washing the clothes for his house?

I would just clarify that point (if it were me), as from his response he gave you when you asked him about it, was not clarifying whether he not he wants them washing, or whether he is happy for you to wash them, for him to redo them.

Until that was clarified, I would still keep doing them, as judging by his arsey response, as opposed to an actual reason why (which granted he does not owe), if you were to stop, he would start complaining and telling everyone you don't do the kids clothes, (could be judging though).

[TwentyCupsOfTea]

I can hardly be arsed washing in the first place - I love cleaning but hate clothes washing with a passion! I honestly wouldn't care what detergent They smelt of - I would never ever re wash! He must have a lot of time on his hands is all I can say!

[Rainbow]

Don't waste you time worrying about it or washing things that are going back. My ex used to change my DS when he got there, wash and dry his clean clothes and then put them back on him to come home. Did have a word when DS thought he was being changed because he had done something wrong, put the wrong clothes on got dirty etc x

[HidingUnderARock]

Nasty the way you found out, and the intention may be nasty, however if you don't choose to take it that way then his effort is for nothing and you win.

Lucky you, he just volunteered to do the washing for you.
Let it flow right over you and accept the offer

[Beeziekn33ze]

Just an idle thought - is there a new partner of your exH about?
Op somehow sounds as if DD didn't really intend to mention about the top being unavailable and it just slipped out tat she was disappointed. Dependent upon how old your DC are, maybe they'll soon be deciding exactly what they wear to discos etc. and organising their clothes themselves. Are they up to using (either) washing machine yet?
Hope it all sorts out anyway.

[Norisca]

Sounds a bit like my ex tbh. If my son comes back from his house in 'his' clothes I usually wash them and send son back wearing them if at all possible. That way they don't get rewashed because they would need washing anyway.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

My DD stays with my aunt a lot. She has clothes there and here. If she goes in uniform she'll come back in clothes from there, which then stay here, otherwise she'll come back in the clothes she went in. No madness about "mum's house" clothes and "great aunt's house" clothes.

[handslikecowstits]

OP, if you're still reading this: I think this is one of those 'pick your battles' moments. If he wants to wash them let him get on with it. Just send the stuff back unwashed. I'd try not to give it any headspace.

[Titsalinabumsquash]

My children are delivered to my ex in decent, clean, well fitting clothes. They are made to get changed into their 'dad clothes' as soon as they get there and then are returned again in the clothes they were sent in. They're usually dressed in matching outfits too, which is since they're 9 and 11 ffs! I haven't said anything I'm sure the kids will start complaining soon enough.