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AIBU?

Ex husband rewashing all the DC's clothes

142 replies

HollysStupidHair · 23/05/2016 09:19

The DC wear clothes home from ex husbands house. I wash, fold, bag them and send them back the next time they go.

DD mentioned that she hadn't been able to wear a top to a disco as it was wet. I said well I sent it back dry why was it wet, she sheepishly said 'the clothes all get washed again when we take them back'

I phoned ex and asked him if he was rewashing the clothes, he said yes. I asked if there was a problem with my washing? He said 'I don't really see why it matters to you, its not you re-washing them it's not really any of your business'

I think it is my business since the only reason to re-wash clean clothes is if you are making some kind of judgement as to how they've been washed in the first place.

AIBU to just send the clothes back unwashed from now on? What a massive waste of time!

OP posts:

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Lelloteddy · 23/05/2016 10:14

What an idiot.
What message does it send to your kids? Talk about creating an issue and making them feel uncomfortable. He's an arse.

DaisyDando · 23/05/2016 10:18

Try not to take it personally. I'm not hugely sensitive to brand smells of washing powder etc, but other people are. I've often seen kids determine who a school jumper belongs to by sniffing!
Also, it's up to you, but I wouldn't send stuff back dirty if washing isn't too much trouble. I know that seems like a waste and I can't really justify it, but it just doesn't seem 'nice.'

2ticks · 23/05/2016 10:19

I agree with Bluefolly If you previously washed the clothes then I would just carry on doing the same - it's not causing you extra work as you were doing it anyway. Personally, I wouldn't feel happy about sending my DC back to their Dad's with a bag of unwashed clothes - how many days is it that the clothes would be hanging around unwashed before the DC visit him again?

He may not be being an arse, and just doesn't like the smell of your washing powder. If this is the case then he is not judging your washing skills. He may well then judge your decision to send your kids with a bag of dirty clothes! However, if he is being an arse then sending him back a bag of unwashed clothes will give him great ammunition - "sorry dd, you can't wear that top, because Mum couldn't be bothered to wash it".

Do what you feel is the right thing to do. If you think it's right for you to send clean clothes back with your DC then do that (and ignore the double washing craziness). If you think it's right for you to send dirty clothes back with your DC then do that. Don't get sucked into any games that he may or may not be playing.

KittensandKnitting · 23/05/2016 10:20

gamer I haven't smelt of innocence for a very long time!! Inncence bloody autocorrect ;)

BertieBotts · 23/05/2016 10:24

Just ignore it. It's not worth worrying about.

FWIW many MNers have commented over the years that they change DC's clothes when they come home from their dad's and rewash them, not because the dad has done anything wrong but just because they "smell wrong" and people generally say fair enough it doesn't harm anybody.

Try not to take it personally. It's really harmless in the scheme of things!

DancingHippo · 23/05/2016 10:27

The DC wear clothes home from ex husbands house. I wash, fold, bag them and send them back the next time they go.

Slightly off topic but your kids have 'dad's house' clothes and 'mum's house' clothes?

Why don't they just have their own clothes that are washed when needed wherever they are?

Catvsworld · 23/05/2016 10:27

It's a control thing he new it would bug you as to the reason why and it has

My ex used to undress and re dress my son in clothing he brought he used to take him stright to the local mc Donald's and get him changed I wouldn't bother sending outfits she should have some

If it's late he can be washed ready for bed in pjs and let him do the rest

Fourormore · 23/05/2016 10:31

It's a control thing he new it would bug you as to the reason why and it has

Is it a "control thing" for everyone else that has posted here saying they rewash clothes too?

NameChangeMum456 · 23/05/2016 10:34

I rewash anything my ex washes. He has animals and smokes, and I just prefer the smell of my own stuff. And yes, I guess I am making a judgement about him, but if they are in my house, and I bought the clothes, it's my judgement to make. But not in front of the kids.

If I were you, I'd just send them back unwashed, because it'll save you time and effort. You can't control what he does, just how you respond.

2ticks · 23/05/2016 10:35

Dancing Hippo I don't know how people manage with the 'Dad's house' clothes and 'Mum's house' clothes thing. Is it only my kids that have favourite clothes that they want to wear regardless of whose house they are at? At the moment my son has a particular shirt/jacket thing that he practically wears all the time. Can't imagine him only being able to wear it if it was 'my weekend', and can't justify the expense of having duplicates. My kids do absolutely hate packing to go to their Dad's and ditto unpacking when coming home, so I guess there is no perfect solution (as with all of these split-parenting issues!).

BoccadiLupa · 23/05/2016 10:36

I sometimes rewash my children's clothes when they come home from their Dad's because they smell of ... my ex-MIL's perfume (yuck).

HeyManIJustWantSomeMuesli · 23/05/2016 10:37

I would do this, other washing powders don't give me a headache and I don't have allergies or anything I just like the smell of my own washing, it might just be that.

NameChangeMum456 · 23/05/2016 10:37

And to answer the Dad's House, Mum's House clothes thing.

I did try just not assigning clothing any labels, and what happened was I had nothing in constantly for the DC to wear. Asking for clothing back always caused an argument.

Simplest solution so far has been that anything they wear from his, goes straight into the bag, and anything they wear back is requested back in the communication book in the same manner. There are other things, like shoes and jackets and toys, that don't have a home and flit between us, but I needed clothing and it was getting expensive buying new stuff all the time.

HollysStupidHair · 23/05/2016 10:41

Yes they have his house clothes and my house clothes. He also gets them changed as soon as they walk in the door. TBH that's been going on for so long I don't even think about it anymore.

Four, I've spent about 4 mins on MN posting about this, not such a waste of time

OP posts:

Arfarfanarf · 23/05/2016 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 23/05/2016 10:47

My DC have clothes here and clothes that their dad has bought for his house . It means they don't have to faff about packing stuff every time they go. They might take a favourite hoody/jeans/whatever (usually because they're wearing them) or sports kit and when eh go for longer than a weekend they take stuff but it's far easier to have stuff that stays there and stuff that stays here.

I tend to return stuff as and when it comes through the wash. I don't care whether he washes it again.

murphys · 23/05/2016 10:48

How can you send them back unwashed? Surely if the dc are with you in the week, they will wear the clothes at some point whilst with you.

Just carry on as you were doing. If he wants to rewash them, then let him just do it. It doesn't really make a difference to you does it OP. Just because dd told you now, but if she hadn't mentioned it, you wouldn't have known and wouldn't have brought it up with him.

I know I am sounding a bit insensitive here, but I think you are making an issue of a non-issue.

I should add that I too am separated and my dc also go their dad to his house

GreyHare · 23/05/2016 10:55

Do you use a pungent fabric softner as they all spark off a stinking headache in me and I find the smell permeates throughout the whole house, the only stuff I use is fairy almond and honey as it only has a very gentle scent, but comfort and lenor stuff can floor me with a migraine if I smell them for more than 5 minutes.

dowhatnow · 23/05/2016 10:57

As a pp said above, I always used to rewash a good friends hand me downs because I didn't like the smell of her washing powder/conditioner. My nose isn't very sensititve but I really didn't like that particular smell.

I don't think our clothes smell when washed, but obviously I've got so used to it that it doesn't resonate.

AnyFucker · 23/05/2016 10:59

The silly bugger must have time, money and electricity to burn

Leave him to it

lazymum99 · 23/05/2016 11:00

Wash them and send them back in them...Problem solved

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 23/05/2016 11:02

I reckon hes being territorial. Like he doesnt want the smell of your house in his. Bit of a twat really and making extra work for himself.

Dont bother washing in future.

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LittleNelle · 23/05/2016 11:02

Definitely just send the clothes back unwashed and don't give it another thought!

NoMoreGrimble · 23/05/2016 11:04

Hmm, I do this when the kids clothes comes back from my sister's house. This is only because she doesn't have a dryer and the kids complain they don't like how stiff they are Don't want to upset my Dsis so I don't say anything!

Solo · 23/05/2016 11:07

I'm with lazymum99

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