Ex husband rewashing all the DC's clothes

[HollysStupidHair]

The DC wear clothes home from ex husbands house. I wash, fold, bag them and send them back the next time they go.

DD mentioned that she hadn't been able to wear a top to a disco as it was wet. I said well I sent it back dry why was it wet, she sheepishly said 'the clothes all get washed again when we take them back'

I phoned ex and asked him if he was rewashing the clothes, he said yes. I asked if there was a problem with my washing? He said 'I don't really see why it matters to you, its not you re-washing them it's not really any of your business'

I think it is my business since the only reason to re-wash clean clothes is if you are making some kind of judgement as to how they've been washed in the first place.

AIBU to just send the clothes back unwashed from now on? What a massive waste of time!

[ipsogenix]

I would wash them too. It's just natural instinct I think to want to do the washing and feel on top of keeping everything clean and nice. Also putting one's on scent on things, just like a cat would. I wouldn't worry, and would just send the clothes back unwashed. It sounds as if he is a proud parent and that's worth a lot.

[Quimby]

"It's a control thing he new it would bug you as to the reason why and it has "

lol he literally hasn't mentioned it or drawn attention to it.
He's said absolutely nothing to try and bug the op.
But somehow he's the controlling one, the twat or the arse according some posters and not the person ringing him up demanding answers as to how he does his domestic tasks in his own house in his own time.

[HollysStupidHair]

Demanding answers. You might be putting your own spin on that.

I said that DDsaid she hadn't been able to wear her top because he'd rewashed it. not demanding. Asking.

[murphys]

OP you said you asked him if there was a problem with your washing. He didn't reply to your question. You also said that it is your business to know why he was doing it.

Really, it isn't your business. If he re-washes them, so what..? They are his children too and if he feels he wants to do it, it is out of your control.

I would be delighted if my dc came home with a bag of washed and folded clothes, instead of bags of crumpled dirty ones.

[BlackeyedSusan]

ah, you see I am as bonkers as your ex. coping mechanism. let him get on with it. he will have his reasons, illogical as they may be to everyone else. it most likely is not a judgment on you specifically as I suspect he would have told you about it.

just don't bother washing them if he is going to do it again.

[1horatio]

Well, it is somehow your concern. Washing stuff twice leads to needing to buy new clothes much sooner. And if you're the one buying them....?

However, simply sending them back unwashed is probably a good solution.

[murphys]

No, as far as I understand the clothes are dad's house clothes, so OP isn't going to be out of pocket for replacing them.

[Quimby]

It's literally none of her business

[SoupDragon]

I reckon hes being territorial. Like he doesnt want the smell of your house in his. Bit of a twat really and making extra work for himself

So, you are calling all of the posters on this thread who do the same thing territorial twats? Lovely.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Did I say that Soup? Nope, cool ya jets.

[Toffeelatteplease]

I absolutely hated the smell of ex mil perfume. Gave me a stonking headache couldn't even hug the kids if it got on their clothes. Often I had to scrub down the children and wash their hair (occasionally twice) before I could go anywhere near them. Although I did tell ex this was a problem.

I would also have problems with washing powder smells. It's not necessarily about being dirty or clean but just being horrible to you.

Being sensitive to smell is a nightmare

[WorraLiberty]

He really does have a point though OP.

It is none of your business and even if he is making a judgement about your laundry skills, it's still none of your business.

As PP's have suggested, just send them back unwashed and don't pay this any more mind.

[Spingroll16]

I re-wash my stepsons clothes because I don't like the smell of there washing powder :)

[SoupDragon]

Did I say that Soup? Nope, cool ya jets.

Well, yes you kind of did. If you think he is being territorial because he wants to rehash the clothes it stands to reason that you must think everyone else who does the same is territorial otherwise why would you assume it?

As for "Cool ya jets", words fail me.

[Peanutbutterrules]

So let him get on with it...I can't quite believe you phoned him to demand an explanation for doing the washing? You don't have to agree with it, it's on his time and his business. How would you feel if he phoned you up to tell you to wash the kids stuff more frequently or less often? You should care about this.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Ugh, I despair sometimes.

[Notso]

MIL washes the kids dirty clothes if they go to stay there. I always rewash them because she uses fabric softener that stinks.

[HollysStupidHair]

Ah so many assumptions. I didn't demand anything, it was a conversation.

DD said she couldn't wear her top because it was wet

Yes I washed it

Well the clothes were already clean when I sent them

Yes we re-washed them

Ok, any particular reason why?

Its not really any of your business, its not you doing the re-washing

OK just asking, seems a waste of yours and my time

Like I said none of your business

Well is there any point in me washing the clothes if you're just going to re-wash them?

Well thats up to you. Anything else?

No actually, thanks

End of conversation

No wonder there is so much angst between RP and NRP parents if you're immediate slant is that someone is demanding answers to a perfectly reasonable question.

[HollysStupidHair]

You don't think that the DC will grow up thinking its a bit weird that their dad immediately re-washed clean clothes just because they came from their mothers house?

Its ridiculous. And I doubt anything to do with fabric softener given that the clothes they send here stink of fabric softener. I'm just too lazy to re-wash them

[mumoseven]

I used to hate the smell of DHxW's washing powder. I think it was Bold.my stepdaughter's clothes were always an issue anyway, shed send her with old mismatched ill fitting stuff, I'd buy her new stuff and never see it again. And then, when xW had washed the fuck out of clothes, shed send a bag for our little girl, all over washed, shrunk and stained ' just a few bits, thought they might be useful'. Lord knows I am so not particular and love a bag o secondhand stuff, but fuck me they were grim. I never knew whether she did it to piss me off, or whether she was just mental.

[LeggyBlondeNE]

I had to get changed out of my 'normal clothes' and into 'dads house clothes' when I turned up to visit my dad at weekends. I also didn't really get to choose what clothes I had at my dad's house and anything I brought from home (e.g. when we went on holiday for a week) was unpacked and checked and repacked. This went on until I was 14.

It was f*ed up and I knew it and I took the judgement on my mum very much to heart.

[HollysStupidHair]

Leggy yes we have that. I don't really bother about it anymore. Was upsetting at xmas when they had their new outfits on (which they had asked for) and he made them get unchanged that afternoon into his new clothes. Whatever.

[AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou]

You don't think that the DC will grow up thinking its a bit weird that their dad immediately re-washed clean clothes just because they came from their mothers house?

I doubt they'd notice unless you make a big deal about it. He's right, its not your business what washing he does in his own house.

[HollysStupidHair]

Of course they notice.

DD couldn't wear her top. How could they not notice?

[AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou]

Ooh a kid couldn't wear her top, well then of course she'll grow up with a hang up about daddy rewashing clothes that mummy washed, and angst about why.

Or maybe if you didn't fuss so, she won't.