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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move my young family to Brunei

150 replies

GirlOutNumbered · 12/05/2016 21:45

I have been offered the chance to work in Brunei for a tax free wage, house included, free education at an International School for my children (both primary age)

Is it morally wrong to go to a country that has rules that I don't agree with and Sharia law to provide a strong education for my kids and probably secure my future financially.

I have been told that women are not oppressed and that many women in Brunei take the top jobs in the country. However, things like homosexuality are illegal and that really doesn't sit right with me, obviously.

OP posts:
carabos · 12/05/2016 21:47

Friends of ours have recently moved from Brunei to another Asian country - they couldn't stand Brunei and they've lived all over the world.

srslylikeomg · 12/05/2016 21:48

I think it would be morally indefensible to live in and contribute to a country like Brunei. Sorry - sounds like a great opportunity but what lessons are you teaching your kids. Yes, we disagree with the laws here, and the appalling human rights sinuses but because they pay me lots we live here anyway... Nah.

srslylikeomg · 12/05/2016 21:49

Sinuses??? Abuses.

Original poster
GirlOutNumbered · 12/05/2016 21:49

A lot of people do say its boring.

OP posts:
MintJulip · 12/05/2016 21:52

I suppose it depends what your other options are, are you destitute, unlikely to ever get a job again, another opportunity? etc Do you desperately need this for your cv...is this your one big chance.

Personally I wouldn't take it no, however a small part of me, would think about it, if only for the experience of such a country really, like people want to see north korea and what its like etc.

BrendaFurlong · 12/05/2016 21:53

I couldn't live and work in any country that has an absolute monarchy and sharia law, and I wouldn't want to expose my children to those values either.

Shallowstreams · 12/05/2016 21:53

yes. The world is bigger than you and if everyone ignored the greater good for themselves where would we be

MintJulip · 12/05/2016 21:55

On the other hand the battle for sharia law has become a UK issue too, to actually live in a country that practises it, would be interesting.

SorrelForbes · 12/05/2016 21:55

I lived there for a while when my ex was posted over there. It was mind numbingly dull. Not oppressive at all although I believe that things have got much stricter over the last decade or so. There was always an in balance in treatment of the ruling Malaysia class and the indigenous people.

inlovewithhubby · 12/05/2016 21:58

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MintJulip · 12/05/2016 21:59

her dc wouldn't be affected though, they would be in bubble if international students not shrouded and treated like sex objects etc.

Original poster
GirlOutNumbered · 12/05/2016 22:00

It's odd though that the expats I have spoken to love it out there. Low crime, good standard of living, opportunity.
I am really torn and I guess mainly scared, although someone pointed out that it was my westernisation (is that a word!?) that made me scared.

OP posts:
MintJulip · 12/05/2016 22:06

what do they mean by that> you come from a free liberal world?
how lng would you have to be out there?

Original poster
GirlOutNumbered · 12/05/2016 22:11

Two years... minimum. Then I would see I guess.
I never said I came from a free world?

OP posts:
Original poster
GirlOutNumbered · 12/05/2016 22:11

Sorry, you mean my comment about being western. I don't know what I meant really, I suppose my opinion of Islam is based on what I read.

OP posts:
IonaNE · 12/05/2016 22:12

Those who say it's boring - don't they have books in Brunei? Then I wouldn't advisete OP to go...

IonaNE · 12/05/2016 22:12

*advise the

srslylikeomg · 12/05/2016 22:28

I don't think it matters what your personal experience would be like. White slave owners had a good standard of living, doesn't mean they were right to live that life? Either you have a moral position on Brunei's human rights record, or you don't.

LotsOfShoes · 12/05/2016 22:32

I disagree with most posters on here, by their standars you shouldn't move to pretty much anywhere else except western Europe. The world is bigger than you and me and Brunei's problems are not gonna sort themselves out just because you refuse to go there. I think you should take this fantastic opportunity to make a better life for yourself and especially your children. Even if it turns out boring, two years is really not that long. So I say do it!

Okay377 · 12/05/2016 22:34

Yes OP expats would have a good standard of life in a bubble. I honestly wouldn't bring my kids up in a country where people are stoned for adultery.

toffeeboffin · 12/05/2016 22:36

You have to do what's best for your family, OP.

Are there any other opportunities? In different countries?

Cazz81 · 12/05/2016 22:37

If it's for 2yrs do it. Make the most of the tax free to save up and travel/explore Asia.

wasonthelist · 12/05/2016 22:40

I would be worried about saying something that might offend someone and get me into trouble; but I do have a big mouth.

Fanakapan · 12/05/2016 22:44

the other hand the battle for sharia law has become a UK issue too, to actually live in a country that practises it, would be interesting.

Interesting? Certainly frightening. As a woman, you'll feel utterly powerless and invisible and inferior to all makes regardless of their age or how massive a wanker they may be.

You'll be discriminated against and excluded.

Your daughters will be taught to feel ashamed of their bodies and forbidden to learn the pleasures of platonic friendships.

I still struggle with my parents' decision to subject me to such a lifestyle.

There are better lives to be led.