To move my young family to Brunei

[GirlOutNumbered]

I have been offered the chance to work in Brunei for a tax free wage, house included, free education at an International School for my children (both primary age)

Is it morally wrong to go to a country that has rules that I don't agree with and Sharia law to provide a strong education for my kids and probably secure my future financially.

I have been told that women are not oppressed and that many women in Brunei take the top jobs in the country. However, things like homosexuality are illegal and that really doesn't sit right with me, obviously.

op if i was you i would lean towards the posters that have actual experience of life there not a poster that has no experience of it other than rumours and what google says

oh and bugger your "moral compass" crows,im sure their moral compass has been compremised some time in their life

you do what is best for you and your family

Mint I wouldn't want to go to those places either, their human rights abuses are extreme and public, but there are also executions carried out in many other places in the world, Bali, USA, China- would you not visit those?

I am not saying you should, and perhaps some people do genuinely think through the ethics of their travel very carefully, but it is interesting how people get extremely indignant about migrant workers, very low wages, maids and nannies in these countries when living there, but when they are tourists, particularly in poorer countries, the chances of anyone serving them food or cleaning their rooms being paid well is absolutely nil. How long is it acceptable to stay there, then, before you are morally compromised. A week, six months?

I wouldn't want to live in Brunei myself whatsoever, but I'm interested in why people might include it on a round-the-world trip, or China, or India where there are human rights abuses of women just reported in these past two days which include rape as a punishment by local courts, recriminalization of homosexuality, huge number of child labourers and so forth.

Why would I include China on a round the world trip?
one of the world's oldest cultures
geographically diverse
3600 years of written history
festivals
world class tourist attractions

We lived in Brunei in the 90s - it was great fun and not at all boring. I went to an international school and had fun times at the yacht clubs and swimming regularly. I wouldn't live or visit there now though because of their change to Sharia Law.

Just wanted to pop back to say that personally as I said up thread I wouldn't live and work in Brunei but I certainly would visit and travel to countries whose 'moral code' I don't agree with. As has been pointed out the places you could visit would be pretty fucking thin on the ground, travel broadens the horizons and educates us about different places so OF COURSE it would be an amazing experience. But op isn't sure (hence her posting) because it isn't clear cut. It's a bit murky how far living there colludes with a regime that has a poor human rights record, but sounds like the package would be great for the family. Not saying it's ok to live and work in a country like Zbrunei doesn't make posters Trumpite ignoramuses! There are plenty of moderates in Brunei but personally (opinion not fact, and even if you live there it is still opinion not fact) I would find it hard to reconcile paying no tax and working in a country that has such a poor human rights record, as for having live in maids no matter how nicely you treat them? No thanks.

Lonecat - that is not true. The sultan's children attended the international school at the same time as me. They arrived at school in Stretch limos with a guard and nanny. They didn't attend birthday parties, but did send amazing presents instead!!

I loved my time in Brunei - we went swimming to loads of different pools, we spent weekends at the yacht clubs playing on the beach and having parties.

Brunei banned alcohol while we were there and Christmas decorations had to be taken down from shops. I have heard that is now worse and I would be worried about the changes that have occurred and Sharia law being enforced. Other than that, I'm sure it's still a great place to live.

Girloutnumbered - have a look on the Panaga club group on Facebook too.

I'm mystified by this assumption that people would travel to countries that we feel this way about, many of us don't. Plus MN is not one person, the Syrian refugees thing and travel the world example...if you are talking about individual posters that's different but talking about the MN view on things is just weird. It's also not like there's a three line whip....

I would probably take the opportunity up for a couple of years whilst the kids were young, but then I haven't got hugely strong morals.

I never cease to be amazed at the number of people who suspend their own common sense in favour of believing what they read in the Internet/ in the papers. There's some utter bollocks on this thread.

Go, OP. And bring back the revelation that people are people the whole world over.

but there are also executions carried out in many other places in the world, Bali, USA, China- would you not visit those?

True that. America LOVES executing poor, black, low IQ and mentally ill people.

In the nicest possible way GarlicShake you have no idea what you are talking about and you should really shut up.

There is no nice way of saying that Ditch the hypocrisy, is my advice.

If you'd bothered to actually read my posts rather than acting like a Brunei tourist board rep on commission, you'd have noticed I never said OP (or anyone) shouldn't go. I offered up some verifiable facts and a small comment on the disconnect between most ex-pat communities and their countries of residence. The only opinions I've posted are about my personal experiences.

But I know it's hard to overcome cognitive dissonance, so you carry on.

I wouldn't move the thread, Girls
Keep this in AIBU as a total range of views, and start another thread in living overseas, and get views from a subsection of people who do move round the world, and need to deal with views such as those expressed in here as part of life.

I've lived abroad most of my life and been educated, lived and worked in the Caribbean, Middle East, Europe, Asia and Australia.

The question I answered asked about living under sharia law and I stand by what I said.

If you live and work as an expat, you are pretty protected. I have experience of both local and expat contracts and living and I can highly recommend the latter for giving you real life.

For purely economic motives, you'd be mad to turn down huge expat packages but don't confuse that mortgage-paying with experiencing the reality of a culture.

In my experience, you will make locals friends and be part of the country if there's a level playing field. In the way I guess that most of us don't tend to mix with the Russian oligarchs in London.

I absolutely recommend living abroad to open the mind but don't fool yourself that as an expat you will experience ordinary life for that country's citizens. Particularly in the ME where locals rarely mix with non-nationals. If you want to move away from the British expat scene, there are lots of Indian, Philippino and Lenanese expats who are very sociable, IMO. I made some lovely friends.

Ipity, where else have you lived, out of interest?

I'm so glad I posted, there are some really interesting comments. I happily travel to the states and have never thought about their terrible treatment of some people and yet I immediately question Brunei because it's Islam. This has been great to read and I have certainly alot of thinking to do.

I think I would love to have an adventure, before I'm too old for a visa!

In the way I guess that most of us don't tend to mix with the Russian oligarchs in London.

Thanks for this. It's a very good way of illustrating what I was trying to say about the expat bubble.

Where I was, I loved the way my foreign-ness allowed me to move from the slum markets to the ambassador's cocktail parties and all points in between. I am fascinated by people and societies. I was, though, the 'weird' one and suspect I was invited to so many rich people's bashes for my tales from the other side!

I've already said I'd be upset if I were limited to the 'bubble', but it's a pleasant place to be trapped.

Jakarta's fab, Girl, and so are hundreds of locations accessible from Brunei. You will need to take security precautions in most places, but you'll be helped with that and not especially restricted.

Thanks all, lots to think about. I guess we are looking at reasons not to go because it's scary to
Change your life. But what else do we do? Go with the flow and moan about it forever.

I lived in Brunei aged 7 to 9. Singularly the most amazing experience of my life. I remember so much of it, such vivid colours. I've heard the country has changed a lot but I couldn't think of any reason not to go as an adult. What a fabulous opportunity for you OP

"Thanks all, lots to think about. I guess we are looking at reasons not to go because it's scary to"

Yes. It's pretty scary. It become mingled with excitement when you are packing and preparing to move and 99.99% of people, when they arrive, wonder why they didn't do it years ago.

Garlic yes, slums to ambassador's parties.

I think it takes some effort and true curiosity to travel like that. I was taken aside countless times for little chats about where I'd been seen, where I shopped, who I went to dinner with etc. There was an uneasiness in the bubble about anyone leaving it.

I think that level of interaction and exploration has been sadly curtailed through security concerns and a desire to conform.

Refusing to visit or live in a country with a questionable human rights record makes the world an incredibly small place.

so what if one of your kids is gay?

Zombie thread

Did you go OP? I know old thread but I came across it looking for something else and wondered. I would go in a heartbeat. Spent time there as a child, it was boring but safe and wonderful and I remember noticing even then lots of women in top jobs (where my father worked - government department).