Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is anyone being U over lunch?

151 replies

MaebeB · 22/04/2016 11:00

Tomorrow me, OH and 4yo are going to see friends and their 3mo baby. Friends have asked if we can bring lunch with us. Not a problem at all from a cost perspective, but more problematic as we are travelling by train, nearly 2 hour journey of train - Tube - train.

I told OH we should make some things at home that are easy to transport but say we're going to the supermarket (10 min walk from friends house) when we get there to pick up the rest. Or pay for takeaway. OH thinks this is rude, doesn't want me to ask friends if this is OK in case they find it rude too.

I don't think it's rude. Am a little unsure whether or I think it's a little cheeky of a couple with a healthy 3mo to expect people to travel 2hrs carrying lunch for 5 people. Not that we'd ever turn up empty-handed to see someone with a new baby, or expect a 3 course roast, just all lunch seems a lot. Could be biased there as 4yo was luckily an easy baby, but surely they could at least buy bread for sandwiches?

Is anyone BU?

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 22/04/2016 11:03

hmm.

personally if think that a person who can't prep a small lunch isn't really up to the visitors in the first place.

I'd happily chip in for a pizza or bring a bottle but I'd not invite people over that far away without organising something.

MattDillonsPants · 22/04/2016 11:03

It's rude of them to ask! How bizarre. I would visit the supermarket and pick up bread, salad, ham, cheese and cake and call that lunch. Maybe you could get a carton of nice soup too.

Don't bloody cook anything! And carry it on trains!

The friends are being weird.

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/04/2016 11:04

Did she have a section she's struggling to recover from?

Tiggeryoubastard · 22/04/2016 11:04

Your 'friends' are being U. Travel on public transport for two hours to see them AND take lunch? Very welcoming of them. Your ideas sound fine, your husband is being ridiculous. Frankly I wouldn't bother, these people don't seem to be your friends.

RaeSkywalker · 22/04/2016 11:06

It's rude of them to ask!

RNBrie · 22/04/2016 11:07

I would not bring anything with you. I'd go to the local sainsbury and buy a couple of ready made soups and some crusty bread and cheese.

This is what I do when I bring lunch for friends with new babies. Although I'm a bit Hmm at the idea of needing to do it for a 3mo.

TiggerPiggerPoohBumWee · 22/04/2016 11:07

Did she have a section she's struggling to recover from?

After 3 months? Bit of a stretch.

No, you don't ask your lunch visitors to bring all the food for lunch with them. That is bizarre. I would be thinking that they don't want you to come at lunchtime at all, in fact, if they can't be bothered to make a few sandwiches.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 22/04/2016 11:08

Your friends are unreasonable, bordering on a little rude.

If you have to provide lunch, do it in whichever way is easiest for you.

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/04/2016 11:09

if there are comomications/infections I cab see it could take a longer time.

but If lunch was too much bother I'd just order in not ask friends to provide food

MattDillonsPants · 22/04/2016 11:10

Even if she DID have a section ...she has a partner! He can bloody cook!

Mightywease · 22/04/2016 11:10

Seems a bit odd to ask for lunch for all of you, I'd have offered a takeaway or got in some supermarket pizzas, but I'd wait and get everything from the supermarket on the way.

French bread, cheese, meats maybe a quiche or pork pie or something. Easy finger style food. Saves you from carrying stuff

Original poster
MaebeB · 22/04/2016 11:11

Thanks, I thought this was the case.

Good friends, happy to see us but just often quite disorganised and occasionally unthinking.

It's a bit annoying as we'd have to take plenty of food anyway to manage the 4 hour round trip for us, esp the 4yo.

I will get back to OH and tell him making nice bread rolls is fine, but we'll buy the rest from the supermarket when there.

OP posts:
Junosmum · 22/04/2016 11:11

For the first few weeks we had a 'no food, no visit' policy (loose and limited to good friends/close family) and we severely limited visitors but I'd had significant birth trauma and was definitely not up to cooking or shopping or clearing up (wet myself when stood up for any length of time, in pain). But by 6 weeks we were pretty much back to normal (though I was still in pain and incontinent, and still am) and now baby is 3 months I certainly wouldn't expect visitors travelling 2 hours to bring food.

Original poster
MaebeB · 22/04/2016 11:12

French bread, cheese, meats maybe a quiche or pork pie or something

That's all they suggested and all we were thinking, which is why I can't quite be arsed to carry it down.

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 22/04/2016 11:13

I would turn up with 2 squashed sandwiches and lukewarm squash.

Pooseyfrumpture · 22/04/2016 11:13

Why not offer to meet them at a pub "because it'll be easier than carrying all that food on the train"

Or just meet them after lunch? after going to the pub yourselves

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/04/2016 11:14

Even if she DID have a section ...she has a partner! He can bloody cook!

well there is that.

unless he's not going to be there?

is she one of those precious mums who won't put the baby down for the 15 seconds it takes to put a pizza in the oven and open a pack. of pre made salad?

how are they feeding themselves Hmm

Pinkheart5915 · 22/04/2016 11:15

I think your friends are a bit cheeky, asking you to bring lunch on your two hour train journey. I assume your friend has a dp/dh so if she isn't up to making a small lunch after 3 months surely he is.
However I see nothing wrong with what you suggested either taking stuff you've made at home or getting a take away but personally I'd just visit the supermarket ham, cheese, bread, quiche, cake and that would be it

LineyReborn · 22/04/2016 11:17

I can see your DP's point tbh.

Saying you'll pay for a takeaway might seem to be pointing up the fact you are not happy with doing your friends a favour and taking a couple of tupperware tubs of food along. A bit PA, in fact.

I'd just take a big tub of sandwiches and a big tub of salad (maybe tuna salad, pasta salad, rice salad - something fairly filling) and a drink for your 4 year old. If you need anything else, nip out while you're there. They may have stuff in anyway you can rifle through. If they have nothing, pick them up some bits.

They're friends. See how the land lies.

Original poster
MaebeB · 22/04/2016 11:17

I remember friends who popped in when DD was a baby, they'd been driving for a few hours in the car anyway and they stopped at a supermarket to buy pizzas and salad to provide the food. In my defence OH was at work that day and DD was about 3w I think, but I was mortified.

I suspect OH now has his back up about this and will attempt to carry all the damn food with us.

OP posts:
TiggerPiggerPoohBumWee · 22/04/2016 11:18

I suspect OH now has his back up about this and will attempt to carry all the damn food with us

Then let him. Tell him its he can make and carry whatever he likes but you won't be helping him!

MackerelOfFact · 22/04/2016 11:19

I'd find it a bit odd. It's different if you're coming by car and could pop somewhere on the way, but you're coming by train - I would imagine it's more bother for the two of you to lug a 4-year-old plus food on public transport than it would be for two people to take a 3-month-old to a supermarket 10 minutes' walk away.

Personally I'd arrive empty-handed and when you get there say something like 'we just need to drop off DS and our stuff and we'll pop back out to the shops - what did you want to eat?' and see what they say.

Takeaway sounds like the best option, but WTF have they been eating for 3 months?!

officerhinrika · 22/04/2016 11:19

Go out to lunch on the way there, feed yourselves and turn up with a packet of biscuits. They are being rude.

Original poster
MaebeB · 22/04/2016 11:20

I'd love to, Tigger, but I'm 4m pregnant and don't fancy wrestling the daydreaming 4yo around Tube stations on my own, I was hoping he could do that, not be carrying a picnic!

OP posts:
Original poster
MaebeB · 22/04/2016 11:21

OH is now not answering texts, which probably means he is in the supermarket buying all of this and swear to god if he buys uncured meats for the sandwiches I will leave gimm.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread