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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is anyone being U over lunch?

151 replies

MaebeB · 22/04/2016 11:00

Tomorrow me, OH and 4yo are going to see friends and their 3mo baby. Friends have asked if we can bring lunch with us. Not a problem at all from a cost perspective, but more problematic as we are travelling by train, nearly 2 hour journey of train - Tube - train.

I told OH we should make some things at home that are easy to transport but say we're going to the supermarket (10 min walk from friends house) when we get there to pick up the rest. Or pay for takeaway. OH thinks this is rude, doesn't want me to ask friends if this is OK in case they find it rude too.

I don't think it's rude. Am a little unsure whether or I think it's a little cheeky of a couple with a healthy 3mo to expect people to travel 2hrs carrying lunch for 5 people. Not that we'd ever turn up empty-handed to see someone with a new baby, or expect a 3 course roast, just all lunch seems a lot. Could be biased there as 4yo was luckily an easy baby, but surely they could at least buy bread for sandwiches?

Is anyone BU?

OP posts:
crispytruffle · 22/04/2016 11:39

I think it is cheeky of them. I wouldn't invite friends over and then ask them to bring lunch. Although I have had this done to me, invited to lunch but I had to provide the drink and the food!!! I was driving (would NOT have done it if it were a 2 hour train journey) so I just picked up some pizzas and salad but I did think it was a bit strange as I have never invited someone over for lunch and then said but can you bring the food.

EssentialHummus · 22/04/2016 11:39

Another one here to say that you should find the nearest supermarket to their house, buy nice bread, spread, ham, cheese, fruit and a pudding, and head over with that. It'll be so much nicer having not been lugged around the Tube/trains. If it was me I'd be looking to see if there was a decent pizza/Italian place near by, and showing up with two pizzas, a salad and dessert.

2016Hopeful · 22/04/2016 11:40

Sounds awful. If you are making the effort of travelling 4 hours in a day to see them and you are pregnant and have a 4yo the least they can do is offer lunch. Surely they would have to eat anyway?

Fratelli · 22/04/2016 11:41

I wouldn’t eat food which had been on a train for that length of time! I'd pop into a local shop for soup and garlic bread and some nibbles or something. I'd bake cakes and take them just because I like an excuse to bake and I'm coeliac!

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/04/2016 11:42

It still begs the question, what are they eating themselves, what would they do if you cancelled and if they have to get the 4 yr old to school/pre schopl everyday (which most people manage to do) they cab pick up a phone to domino's

Cressandra · 22/04/2016 11:44

Supermarket stuff, totally.

We've brought lunch when visiting new babies a few times. People did it for us and it was lovely. Enough with the over-analysing shades of perceived rudeness.

Shallowstreams · 22/04/2016 11:47

It's a bit of a strange request. I'd pop and buy some oven pizzas, garlic bread and salad. I certainly wouldn't make anything!!

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/04/2016 11:47

three months isn't that new. and if someone's set 2 hours hopping tube trains to come and see you, they want to sit down and have a cup of tea not traipse round a supermarket.

especially when you can order stuff off your mobile in the bath

EssentialHummus · 22/04/2016 11:47

Also, some of the larger supermarkets may have pizza counters?

thecatfromjapan · 22/04/2016 11:48

Actually, I completely agree with Cressandra. Be generous. Don't myopically pore over the perceived rudeness.
If it's too much when you're pregnant, say so.
If it's OK, do it with an open heart.
Be happy. Life is too short to be resentful and cross.

Divathecat · 22/04/2016 11:50

Unless there was a hug back story or a money issue I would think that this is a bit odd but would go along with it. I wouldn't travel with prepared food (other than snacks for train) I would simply get to London and pop into a Waitrose/Tesco Metro/M&S Food and buy nice food, they are everywhere around London.

I would also get a small gift for the baby and something for the people I was visiting.

Original poster
MaebeB · 22/04/2016 11:51

Well, I'm going to go and I'm going to have a lovely time but really, there's not much that's going to stop me being stressed tonight and on the train tomorrow about amusing the 4yo, not puking everywhere and carrying food around.

Financial generosity-wise, like I said, couldn't give a fig.

OP posts:
diddl · 22/04/2016 11:53

They have asked you to provide lunch.

They won't care if it's from their local supermarket or a takeaway!

Just take food for the journey there, then get stuff for the journey home at the supermarket.

WTF would anyone carry more than they have too?

Course it's fucking cheeky to invite people for lunch & ask them to provide it-for the "hosts" as well as themselves!

Why can't either of them get to the supermarket?

Is it that they want you to pay for it all?

You might as well have them at yours for lunch!

thecatfromjapan · 22/04/2016 11:55

Rucksack -that dh carries, and let him amuse four year old. You're pregnant - doze, or look idly out of the window and watch the sky change colour.

If you really don't want to go, send dh and child with an excuse that you have food poisoning.

WorraLiberty · 22/04/2016 11:56

On a side note, am I the only person, even if not pregnant, who would end up eating their own arm off if they left the house at 9.30 after breakfast, and didn't get home till maybe 6-7pm, and only had a snacky-type lunch in the middle? Starting to wonder if everyone else gets buy on a lot less food than me

A packed lunch isn't really 'snacky' though is it?

Also assuming they'll at least provide a few biscuits to go with the tea/coffee.

SeasonalVag · 22/04/2016 12:00

Just order a Tesco Delivdry of the food direct to their house haba

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 22/04/2016 12:01

I suspect the parents have been told/read that 'parents of a new baby aren't expected to feed guests' without realising that once a baby is 3 months old you should really have your shit together enough to give someone who has travelled 2 hours to visit you a sandwich.

LineyReborn · 22/04/2016 12:01

I thought the issue was the takeaway?

BillSykesDog · 22/04/2016 12:05

I have some sympathy for the friends. You have a lot of visitors with a new baby and the price of feeding and watering them does add up to a not significant amount of money when on mat leave.

I'd just get a couple of quiches and some salad. Maybe a few scotch eggs and crisps.

BillSykesDog · 22/04/2016 12:06

And yes, supermarket near them.

Original poster
MaebeB · 22/04/2016 12:07

Just order a Tesco Delivdry of the food direct to their house haha
Grin

I do really want to go, and will have a lovely time.

Worra, semantics, yes, but I know a ham roll, some pork pie and some crisps won't really do it for me, but I appreciate I am more of a little-but-often eater as, frustratingly in this situation, is the 4yo.

OP posts:
diddl · 22/04/2016 12:09

Did they invite you all over, OP, or did you ask to visit & they said that it was OK as long as you provided lunch?

CocktailQueen · 22/04/2016 12:11

Ask if you can visit at another time when no meal is required.

Bloody rude and unwelcoming of them.

Surely they're managing to feed themselves???

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 22/04/2016 12:12

Suggest meeting them half way somewhere for lunch ! There's a nice Strada at Waterloo Grin

TiggerPiggerPoohBumWee · 22/04/2016 12:13

I have some sympathy for the friends. You have a lot of visitors with a new baby and the price of feeding and watering them does add up to a not significant amount of money when on mat leave

Then you don't invite people for lunch! A few sandwiches for people making a proper trek to see you (which will cost far more in tickets than you spend on a loaf of bread and pot of soup or whatever) is the least you can do.

If you can't afford lunch for your guests, you don't invite guests for lunch.