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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is anyone being U over lunch?

151 replies

MaebeB · 22/04/2016 11:00

Tomorrow me, OH and 4yo are going to see friends and their 3mo baby. Friends have asked if we can bring lunch with us. Not a problem at all from a cost perspective, but more problematic as we are travelling by train, nearly 2 hour journey of train - Tube - train.

I told OH we should make some things at home that are easy to transport but say we're going to the supermarket (10 min walk from friends house) when we get there to pick up the rest. Or pay for takeaway. OH thinks this is rude, doesn't want me to ask friends if this is OK in case they find it rude too.

I don't think it's rude. Am a little unsure whether or I think it's a little cheeky of a couple with a healthy 3mo to expect people to travel 2hrs carrying lunch for 5 people. Not that we'd ever turn up empty-handed to see someone with a new baby, or expect a 3 course roast, just all lunch seems a lot. Could be biased there as 4yo was luckily an easy baby, but surely they could at least buy bread for sandwiches?

Is anyone BU?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 22/04/2016 11:21

I find this quite bizarre and a bit of a piss take if I'm honest.

What possible reason do they have for not knocking together a few sandwiches for everyone?

HackerFucker22 · 22/04/2016 11:22

I can see both sides.

Personally I'd provide stuff for friends who were traveling to see me (have done with a newborn and a toddler - DP was at work and I still managed to knock up some nibbles) but I wouldn't be massively put out if someone asked me to grab some lunch on route if I was traveling to see them. I would think it was a massive piss take if they expected me to transport a load of home made food though!

Pooseyfrumpture · 22/04/2016 11:22

In their defence, one of the best lunches I had post DC-1 was when a friend said she were coming but would bring lunch, and turned up minus her children but with two huge bags of posh deli food and held DC while I ate the lot off paper plates washed down with the hot tea she'd made. And cake. There was cake.

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/04/2016 11:22

is the food even going to be safe to eat after a long journey on a stuffy train

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/04/2016 11:23

If people are taking a two-hour train journey to see me, I think I or my other half could manage a 10 minute trip to the local supermarket to pick up bread and soup. Or maybe even have it delivered with the rest of my shopping.

Your friend sounds like a bit if a special snowflake.

Pinkheart5915 · 22/04/2016 11:23

Op if he's in the supermarket buying a load of stuff to take tomorrow.
At 4 months pregnant and a 4 yr old to keep hold off on a tube etc, make him carry the lot

thecatfromjapan · 22/04/2016 11:24

I'd do it but, frankly, I think it's odd, too.

Not worth arguing with friends over - but a bit odd.

Pick up some ready-made stuff from a M and S on the way over?

Original poster

MaebeB · 22/04/2016 11:25

I should, shouldn't I?

I'll just go off to the loo to "throw up" but secretly take my book in with me.

I was worried I was being precious about this as the thought of a 4 hr round trip in total tomorrow didn't thrill me, thought maybe it was colouring my views.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 22/04/2016 11:25

To those speaking 'in their defence' or saying 'I can see both sides'...

What possible defence is there here for expecting a pregnant woman, her husband and their 4 year old, to lug around lunch for everyone on a 2 hour train/tube journey?

I'm seriously not getting it at all

InlandTiger · 22/04/2016 11:25

They are being very rude IMO.

Even when our DS was a newborn, we still provided food for visitors. How difficult is it to do an online shop or nip to the supermarket for some pizza/bread/salad?! Or they could order a takeaway!

In your situation I would make a point of going to their local supermarket and asking them what they want. Or I would say 'it's going to be difficult to carry lunch with us, can you recommend a local takeaway' and hope they offered to split the cost.

I don't understand people who don't provide food for visitors. Even DS was a newborn we got lots of stuff that people could help themselves to or things that required no prep.

Original poster

MaebeB · 22/04/2016 11:27

In their defence (), they don't know that I am pregnant.

OP posts:

thecatfromjapan · 22/04/2016 11:27

... And think of it as a gift you're bringing to them. Absolutely no point in doing it if you can't shake off the annoyed feeling. Think - hard - about how nice it is when someone makes food for you, remember that you are doing this for them, and take pleasure in the fact you're a good friend.
(Otherwise you'll just seethe!)

MuddhaOfSuburbia · 22/04/2016 11:27

Just go after lunch and before tea?

Eat chips lunch on the way and on the way back

WorraLiberty · 22/04/2016 11:28

Pregnant or not they're still very rude imo.

Actually, I think I'd arrange to visit just after lunch and tell them we'll eat on the train.

Then eat as a family on the way home.

Would that suit everyone better?

thecatfromjapan · 22/04/2016 11:29

A four-hour round trip would depress anyone's spirits - even without having a four year old to amuse and a pregnancy ...

Original poster

MaebeB · 22/04/2016 11:30

Annoyingly the train journey is via some of the smaller stations where we can't stop to get dinner. I'm not precious about 4yo's food, but equally I'm not over the moon that they will essentially be having sandwiches, sausage roll, salad for lunch and then... sandwiches, sausage roll, salad for dinner on the train.

OP posts:

flanjabelle · 22/04/2016 11:32

Could she be battling pnd? I would give them the benefit of the doubt and take food, but I would ignore your dh and just get some nice bits from the supermarket.

LovelyFriend · 22/04/2016 11:33

baguette, pate, cheese, cherry toms, bag of mixed leaves, all from local supermarket. sorted.

FishWithABicycle · 22/04/2016 11:36

There's nothing remotely rude about picking up lunch from the supermarket round the corner rather than hoisting a picnic around on a long journey.

I'm pretty sure that it is part of Mumsnet Rules that you only go to visit a newborn if armed with plenty of food for the exhausted new parents. 3 months is slightly pushing the definition of newborn. How reasonable of them it was to dictate that this should be lunch for everyone depends on whether you asked to visit & meet the new baby (in which case it is perfectly reasonable for them to ask) or whether they invited you without so much as a hint dropped from you (in which case it is a tiny bit cheeky but forgive them)

WorraLiberty · 22/04/2016 11:36

Could she be battling pnd? I would give them the benefit of the doubt and take food, but I would ignore your dh and just get some nice bits from the supermarket.

That doesn't explain why her DP cant knock a few sandwiches together.

Honestly OP. Assuming you'll all be having breakfast in the morning, I'd just tell them you'll arrive after lunch and pack sandwich and a piece of fruit for the journey.

Otherwise the focus of this whole visit will shift from simply visiting friends and their baby, to hassles over food.

mrsmortis · 22/04/2016 11:36

If that was me and I'd asked you to bring lunch then I'd be expecting you to pick something up from the supermarket next to the station after you'd got off the train. Not carry something all the way from home.

Not that I'm sure why they are asking in the first place. Unless they've been away somewhere and are only expecting to get back a short while before you arrive?

Original poster

MaebeB · 22/04/2016 11:37

She could be, flanjabelle, though of course I hope not, and if so surely her OH could help?

Anyway, OH has suggested making pizzas i.e. taking dough and toppings to make (picking up bits would be my choice but OH is a bit of a foodie and loves to cook) which could be a good compromise.

(On a side note, am I the only person, even if not pregnant, who would end up eating their own arm off if they left the house at 9.30 after breakfast, and didn't get home till maybe 6-7pm, and only had a snacky-type lunch in the middle? Starting to wonder if everyone else gets buy on a lot less food than me )

OP posts:

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/04/2016 11:38

Why on earth does your husband think it's rude to buy it from the supermarket near their house but not rude to buy it from the supermarket near yours?

figureofspeech · 22/04/2016 11:39

I'd have lunch out and pop in for tea & biscuits. Your friends are rude, lazy & entitled. They suggested that you bring a picnic lunch when they have a supermarket at their doorstep & can quite easily do it themselves. Just lazy & thoughtless.

TiggerPiggerPoohBumWee · 22/04/2016 11:39

Could she be battling pnd? I would give them the benefit of the doubt

Even if she is, she has another adult there who can make food. And the thing is...they must eat if they don't have visitors, yes? They would be having lunch tomorrow whether people come to see them or not, they haven't lived on fresh air for the last three months! So whatever they would make for themselves they could just make a bit bigger surely?
Some people are just obliviously cheeky. I would honestly rather starve than be so rude as to ask my guests , who have 4 hour public transport round trip to come and see us, to bring the entire lunch with them. I would shrivel up and die from embarassment if I ever lost my mind enough to suggest such a thing.

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