Is anyone being U over lunch?

[MaebeB]

Tomorrow me, OH and 4yo are going to see friends and their 3mo baby. Friends have asked if we can bring lunch with us. Not a problem at all from a cost perspective, but more problematic as we are travelling by train, nearly 2 hour journey of train - Tube - train.

I told OH we should make some things at home that are easy to transport but say we're going to the supermarket (10 min walk from friends house) when we get there to pick up the rest. Or pay for takeaway. OH thinks this is rude, doesn't want me to ask friends if this is OK in case they find it rude too.

I don't think it's rude. Am a little unsure whether or I think it's a little cheeky of a couple with a healthy 3mo to expect people to travel 2hrs carrying lunch for 5 people. Not that we'd ever turn up empty-handed to see someone with a new baby, or expect a 3 course roast, just all lunch seems a lot. Could be biased there as 4yo was luckily an easy baby, but surely they could at least buy bread for sandwiches?

Is anyone BU?

Giles - of course said friend (or indeed her DH) would be capable of putting a ready made pizza in the oven. But why not make a kind gesture and save them the trouble?

That would depend on the parents and most importantly the baby.

There would have been no point in enduring the misery that taking my DS1 to a restaurant would have caused, when he was 3 months old.

Much less trouble and much more relaxing to eat at home.

Because it's going to.be far more of an effort to get there and then have to go shopping than it is to throw together some food.

Worra has it I think. Just remove lunch from the equation

But however bad it is swg, they/you will still be eating regularly because if not, everyone would be in hospital a long time before three months is up, so preparation of food is not beyond them.

The friend should have elaborated a bit above 'lunch'. Say if she had said 'I've got a lot on, it would help greatly if you could pick up a couple of pizzas and some salad on the way over, there's an M&S on the corner' that would make it a lot more reasonable than just the single word 'lunch' reply when being asked if they needed to bring/do anything.

Sticking a couple of decent ready made pizzas in the oven and opening a bag of salad is no more taxing than making beans on toast or taking leftovers out of the freezer so it's not like offering something half decent for lunch is an unreasonable expectation, no matter how bad things are for them .

Can't you make sandwiches and bring them in a fridge box. Or buy sandwiches from a supermarket. Why does it have to be a big spread?

plus I think everyone's so focused on the baby. they haven't actually realised what they are asking.

if their are delays or the trains are too crowded and they have to wait for the next one, they are asking the op who's pregnant akd with another child to spend 2 + hours on a train then go shopping or then go out fir dinner entertaining said 4 yr old who by that point probably needs to stretch their legs and run around a bit rather than sit in a restaurant/cafe. that's another couple of hours so it's gonna be 4 plus hours til the poor woman cab flop on a sofa with a cuppa all to save someone with a baby having to put a pizza in the oven.

very selfish tbh

Ok as DH is a foodie Google farmers markets or delis nearby or waitrose and buy from there.

I wouldn't be happy lugging cold food round even in cool bag for 2 hours.

I get the pregnancy sickness too - I've had it before and I don't see why you're travelling that far now surely you could do this next month when hopefully you'll be less sick.

I agree either pizza, restaurant delivery (takeaway) or worst luck supermarket fare.

If your DH doesn't like it don't go.

Oh and the baby is 3 months not 3 days or 3 weeks old if they haven't got their shit sorted then they shouldn't be having visitors!

It's extremely rude of them to ask you to bring food over. Pnd, section or not its so rude to ask people visiting you to bring lunch over after doing a 4hour trip to see you.
I would time it to visit after lunch and leave before the next meal. Wow what a rude couple.

I think it's a little unfair to start calling the couple rude.
Unthinking maybe, but probably sleep deprived.
Yes getting your lunch before you arrive might be the least stressful option so you could have a picnic on the train instead.

a family bag of Skips, a tin of condensed milk and a fresh coconut.

Sadly the going out for lunch and shopping in any great depth is out of the equation as they don't have anything on the doorstep. They have a smallish supermarket nearby I can see online, but we'd all need to go several stops on the train to get to places with delis, restaurants etc, which probably wouldn't be ideal.

As for going after or avoiding lunch... We are going for the day and, with a 4-hour round trip, lunch isn't really avoidable. I think I'd feel just as rude if they said "can you bring lunch" and we then said "actually, we're going to get off the train a few stops earlier, feed the three of us in a nice cafe, and then come to you afterwards."

While I might sound like I am stressing lots about this, I'm stressing online, it will be fine tomorrow and I know if I'm sick and starving at 3pm before we get home I'll just sod it and ask if I can bung some of their pasta on the hob.

out fir dinner entertaining said 4 yr old who by that point probably needs to stretch their legs and run around a bit rather than sit in a restaurant/cafe - plus this as well. Even starving hungry, I don't think our 4yo would be happy to be taken to a restaurant and asked to sit again after nearly 2 hours on trains and tubes.

Just ring them then.
Suggest the pizza order delivery, say you're happy to pay for it although as you're guests and you've travelled you really shouldn't. Fair enough especially with a 4 year old to want to know what the lunch arrangements are.

As for going after or avoiding lunch... We are going for the day and, with a 4-hour round trip, lunch isn't really avoidable. I think I'd feel just as rude if they said "can you bring lunch" and we then said "actually, we're going to get off the train a few stops earlier, feed the three of us in a nice cafe, and then come to you afterwards."

I think it's whatever you make it really and if you don't mind me saying, I think you're making a bit of a mountain out of a molehill.

You're only going to meet the baby and have a bit of a catch up. Of course lunch is perfectly avoidable, if you were to eat at say midday and then go for an afternoon visit. Equally, if you really wanted to you could all have a perfectly adequate packed lunch on the train.

You're making food a big focus of such a simple visit and that's your prerogative. But equally I think choosing to do that, means you don't really have much room to complain.

Especially as your offer of bring something to 'help', does imply that you expect to eat at their house while visiting them.

I think it's a little unfair to start calling the couple rude

No it isn't. "Hey come for lunch! By the way, bring your own lunch. And enough for us too"....there is nothing that isn't rude about it.
Not the worst crime in the world, no, and not something to get too upset about, but lets not bullshit here: its rude.

Surprised by how many people think that one small not newborn baby gets you out of all of the normal rules of hosting, and human behaviour. How long does that last for then? I've loads of children and never asked anyone to bring entire meals when visiting , can I do it now?

Pretty much all supermarkets will stock ham, cheese, salad and a French stick or two. Grab some nice chutnies if you feel like it. Bottle of wine perhaps and you're done.

Op most certainly did not bring it on herself by asking what she should bring. Who could possibly have expected the reply to be "lunch"? Amazingly cheeky.
So what that they have a three month old baby . They're still evidentially managing to feed themselves, as we all did.
Unless they pull this stunt on a regular basis, then live on the leftovers until the next poor sucker gets an invitation to lunch?

I'd never ask people to bring lunch! But in this case, I'd go with the 2x quiche, pot of coleslaw, bag of salad and cherry toms all for about a tenner hopefully (and a packed lunch for little one if need be).

If any of my friends had replied 'lunch' I would have assumed they were joking. I'd have phoned and suggested take away or that we pick something up from the local shop. If you are good enough friends to visit then surely you can just talk to them about this.

Just set up a Tesco order to arrive at their house when you're there. £25 minimum order, so some nice ready-prepared stuff for lunch for 4 adults and a child, and perhaps some flowers or a bottle of wine for them? Saves you carrying anything, and much easier than trekking out to shops etc. Much cheaper and easier than a meal out carting baby and 4yo too. If it was me, I'd do that. It'll take you 15mins online at the most. No hassle.

clone Tesco is £40 min now. Although Iceland is £25 and everyone knows mum's go to Iceland

didn't know Tesco were £40 now! Who do they think they are, Ocado?! £40 is quite a lot for a bits and pieces lunch to be fair. Though still cheaper than going out. I think I'd still do that, and throw in a nice present for the host family rather than carry stuff on the train or trek out to shops on arrival.

Well the lunch happened two days ago so the Tesco opportunity has long gone.

This is one of those threads where I'd love an update ... ???

I would just call at local supermarket when you get there.

But they got there two days ago