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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell his gf ?

153 replies

Kimberley00001 · 15/03/2016 14:03

Been sleeping with this guy on and off for a year and a bit , yep you guessed it he has a gf ( or maybe a few he gets around ) I feel very angry about how he has treated me and I'm wondering do I tell his gf? She deserves to know what he is , and I suspect she left her husband to start relationship with aforementioned guy. Wibu to tell her?

OP posts:
curren · 15/03/2016 14:05

There is never a right answer here.

My gut feeling is that if your are doing it for revenge, don't.

But she would probably want to know.

I am never sure in this situations.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 15/03/2016 14:06

No, you WNBU to tell her, she deserves to know what he's up to. What she chooses to do about it is up to her, but she deserves to know so she can make that choice.

PurpleDaisies · 15/03/2016 14:07

My gut feeling is that if your are doing it for revenge, don't.

I agree.

Are you still with this loser?

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 15/03/2016 14:08

No purple daisies

OP posts:
Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 15/03/2016 14:10

He has used me for sex, deceived her and all round I feel utterly miserable. Sad

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WonderingAspie · 15/03/2016 14:11

Well if he has been sleeping around, then she needs to know for sexual health purposes (and you need a checkup too). And that would be your duty to inform her, don't be surprised if she doesn't believe you or it may be the proof of her suspicions.

SaucyJack · 15/03/2016 14:11

I'd want to know.

Are you able to communicate proof to her in a factual, irrefutable and calm manner? No need for theatrics, basically.

Did you know he had a girlfriend?

PurpleDaisies · 15/03/2016 14:11

What an arsehole. At least you know now so you don't have to waste any more time on him.

Do you have any friends who can cheer you up?

penguinplease · 15/03/2016 14:12

Tell her the facts , she deserves to know. I would want to know

HermioneJeanGranger · 15/03/2016 14:14

I would want to know, regardless of the other person's motives.

Motives don't change the fact her OH is a cheat and she deserves to know that for her sexual health, if nothing else.

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 15/03/2016 14:14

I have texts confirming dates , him telling me his address , pics of him (personal) videos, (personal) yes I can articulate the facts in a factual manner but it will be done via Facebook . His kids will be upset they really like the latest gf Hmm

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intotheblue9 · 15/03/2016 14:16

I'd want to know, personally.

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 15/03/2016 14:16

She may never pick up the message as I'm not a friend? That would cause me unnecessary stress as I suffer with anxiety and depression anyway... I have one good friend but that is all.

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SaucyJack · 15/03/2016 14:18

I think you should forward the selected highlights then. Nothing too intimate (no one needs to see that), but enough to meet the burden of proof.

It's not on your head if his kids get upset. He did this- not you- and he'll fuck it up one way or another of his own accord anyway.

Sorry dude.

JanetOfTheApes · 15/03/2016 14:20

You said you were sleeping with him, not that you were in a relationship? SO his personal life really is nothing to do with you. I imagine she knows what he is like anyway.
It won't make you feel better you know.

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 15/03/2016 14:23

Personal msg/pics/videos aren't proof of dtd... She seems the type that would blame the OW ... I know I'm talking myself out of it ... I feel upset I don't feel I deserved this... And yes we had unprotected sex 😒

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Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 15/03/2016 14:24

I didn't ask about personal life Janet....I've just come across by accident

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PurpleDaisies · 15/03/2016 14:25

You're under no obligation to tell her. You should get to the gum clinic for a check up though.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 15/03/2016 14:25

As someone who has been cheated on myself, yes, tell her.

Whatever your motive for doing so, she has a right to know.

Please keep it brief and factual though - no cruel intimate details. She'll be hurting enough with the basics.

JanetOfTheApes · 15/03/2016 14:26

Exactly. His gf really isn't any of your business, is she? You never asked if he had one before, why so bothered now?

DonkeyOaty · 15/03/2016 14:28

It's all over between you and him now, yes?

I wouldn't tell her, I don't think [ponders]

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 15/03/2016 14:28

OP, did you know that he was in a relationship when you started having sex with him?

If so, I'm afraid you do deserve to take some of the blame.

If you entered into a relationship with him totally unaware of the existence of a GF, then no - you really don't deserve to feel like crap about it.

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 15/03/2016 14:34

Nope, he told me he had ended his last relationship and the one he's with now I had no clue about until I saw on FB ... I'm not shifting blame but I feel it's going to give me a skewed perception on new relationships , I've never met a decent man my X was ea .

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curren · 15/03/2016 14:36

She seems the type that would blame the OW

Do you know her?

AdrenalineFudge · 15/03/2016 14:37

I've been in this situation, posted here asking for advice. Was royally flamed for telling his girlfriend. But my reasoning was that I would want to know.