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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell his gf ?

153 replies

Kimberley00001 · 15/03/2016 14:03

Been sleeping with this guy on and off for a year and a bit , yep you guessed it he has a gf ( or maybe a few he gets around ) I feel very angry about how he has treated me and I'm wondering do I tell his gf? She deserves to know what he is , and I suspect she left her husband to start relationship with aforementioned guy. Wibu to tell her?

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 16/03/2016 07:53

+From the sounds of some of these reactions women will do a awful lot to keep hold of a man who is less than genuine and that is sad...*

Unfortunately you come across as one of these yourself.

JanetOfTheApes · 16/03/2016 08:02

I really don't think you are in any position to judge, do you? You're the one shagging a player, while pretending not to know about the other women he's with too.
And nobody here is talking about trying to keep hold of a man, that's your thing.

You're full of crap.

Babylove2015 · 16/03/2016 08:20

There are problems that can be sorted by talking it through with people and then there are mental health issues that can only be resolved with the help of a psychiatrist.

I feel you have some deep seated issues and you need the help of a trained professional. You need to get your own issues sorted before you worry about being with someone else.

PurpleDaisies · 16/03/2016 08:23

From the sounds of some of these reactions women will do a awful lot to keep hold of a man who is less than genuine and that is sad...

The phrase "pot calling the kettle black* springs to mind here...

curren · 16/03/2016 08:34

He is no different with her than he has been with any other gf or even when he had a long term affair with OW when he was married.

And you were is OW at one point, so why is this an issue. You knew what he was like

From the sounds of some of these reactions women will do a awful lot to keep hold of a man who is less than genuine and that is sad...

It is sad. And you are one of them

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 16/03/2016 08:43

I do not want him,nowhere in my post does it say that.. He's done me a favour actually I have every chance now of meeting someone far better ..

OP posts:
KeepingitReal2 · 16/03/2016 08:44

This is why casual sex does not work for women! Thee have been threads where women have said they wished they had slept around but I don't think re thought processes work the same for women and men are good at detracting sex from a relationship

KeepingitReal2 · 16/03/2016 08:45

Also be careful with videos have you heard of revenge porn

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 16/03/2016 08:50

Keeping That's a terrible generalisation. For OP casual sex hadn't worked, but it was always highly unlikely too - she'd only had one previous partner, who was emotionally abusive, and she didn't spot that this guy was just after easy sex.

There are plenty of women who can and do have casual sex. It's a personal thing. The problem comes when women try it thinking it might lead to something else for both parties, or try to ignore their feelings - ignoring them isn't the same as genuinely not having any.

You're right about revenge porn. It's also highly likely that the new girlfriend will believe that a video of him wanking was sent before they were together. OP could have slept with him before they were together. She'll want to believe that and he'll make it very easy to do so.

Lilmisskittykat · 16/03/2016 08:56

Been here done that... Told her ..
Didn't regret it at all.

Sounds cold but he was an absolute git telling me how he'd leave her but always an excuse for why not now and never did.

He thought he could just mess me with for a year then walk away and have his happy little life with her.

A woman scorned.. I wouldn't say it was my finest moment but it helped me deal with it and sometimes you have to look after no one.

I was a lot younger then having only just finished uni. So alot wiser now to steer away from that situation ... X

I don't think you will feel bad either way my problem was I thought if I got her out of the picture he'd stay.. (Madly in love with the prat) didn't work out that way..

curren · 16/03/2016 08:56

anchor this has been going on ages.
She was his OW for a while.

She was never under any illusions that's this was anything than casual sex. She did spot it was casual and knew that. She still thought it would lead to more.

She didn't have contact with him for ages, then went back to being his OW. He split with his the gf and got a new one. It's the new one she has a problem with.

Lilmisskittykat · 16/03/2016 08:57

Oh and just to add balance.. I've been on the otherside too and these men are prats that no woman should suffer unknowingly Zxx

maydancer · 16/03/2016 09:00

You sound like such a bunch of Jeremy kyle chavs.

curren · 16/03/2016 09:01

I've been on the otherside too and these men are prats that no woman should suffer unknowingly Zxx

Tbf this women was shagging this bloke behind her husbands back. There is every chance she knew he was seeing other people as well

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 16/03/2016 09:12

Little miss, what did the gf say when you told her and how did you go about it? It annoys me tbf he's done this behaviour for years and he walks away with out a scratch...

OP posts:
KeepingitReal2 · 16/03/2016 09:13

Anchor I know I know it's just I honestly think if these things go on then people start to develop feelings but yes I do know that some women can sleep around expecting nothing more

curren · 16/03/2016 09:16

So it's to punish him. You don't care about wether she deserves to know

Vedamakesthebesttoast · 16/03/2016 09:20

Op I haven't read past the first page but there's some stuff you've said that I don't understand. You said that you only realised he was in a relationship by stumbling across it on Facebook by accident but yet you also said his children will be upset as they really like her. I don't know how you can have such insights into their family dynamics of you've only found out about her through social media. I'm sorry if I'm off the mark here but do you know more than you're letting on?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 16/03/2016 09:25

It annoys me tbf he's done this behaviour for years and he walks away with out a scratch...

So have you. You've slept with him on and off, knowing that the majority of the time, he is with someone else.

He will walk away from this again, because you look just as bad as he does. You are not some wounded party. Your pride is wounded, sure, because he's blocked you and walked away.

And if, by some miracle, his new girlfriend didn't fall for the usual "it was before you", "she's obsessed with me" rubbish, you're hoping that he'd run back to you. Maybe he would, but it would still be for sex and nothing more, you would still give in and have sex with him in the misguided belief that he must like you if he's showing you any attention at all, and he'd still go and find someone else to actually date.

Rather than giving him so much headspace and fantasizing about telling his girlfriend, consider how you've ended up in this position and how you can stop it happening again. All the bumpf about how you're going to university and starting a new life, how attractive you are, how much better you can do has not sunk in. You don't believe it, you're just spouting it like a mantra. Work on that.

There's no "throwing a lit match and watching it start an inferno" scene here. This doesn't end with you walking away as the brave heroine and him being single and sad and alone. You're going to look just as bad as him, but he's more experienced and is at least owning what he did wrong, so ironically, he'll probably come out better and it'll all backfire, leaving you looking worse.

JanetOfTheApes · 16/03/2016 09:37

It annoys me tbf he's done this behaviour for years

Of course he has, because there are plenty of women like you who will sleep with men like that. And who do so knowing they are also sleeping with other women.
You're lashing out, probably because you feel stupid, and you want to make it someone elses fault. It isn't his fault, its yours.

NotGonnaAnswerThePhone · 16/03/2016 09:50

Lets not beat around the bush here. You knew he had a partner didn't you? You went to his house. No guy would who was hidind his relationship status from you would let you know where he lives - the risk of you turning up would be too great.

So why dont you tell us the really story?

He's dumped you and chose to stay with his partner so now you want to execute revenge?

Pinkheart5915 · 16/03/2016 10:20

It annoys me tbf he's done this behaviour for years and he walks away with out a scratch...

You are just doing this for revenge.

You had causal sex, you maybe thought there was more to it he didn't. It's over and he blocked you now you feel stupid and sore.

The fact his blocked you, could well mean his gf already knows and they are fine staying together.

You aren't doing yourself any favours, put it down to life experience put him to the back of you mind and move on.

And next time find a single guy

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 16/03/2016 10:25

Nope I went round to his house... Every single time... I am not a liar ... Can't reiterate that more tbh

OP posts:
curren · 16/03/2016 10:27

So how do you know his kids like her?

How do you know she is the type to blame the OW, why do you think she left her husband for him?

Pinkheart5915 · 16/03/2016 10:33

Thing is if his current gf left her husband for him then she knows what he is like because they had an affair. So why tell her something that she already knows?
Even if you did tell her you would still feel stupid, and sore only of top of that you'd look like a very bitter girl than when it ended you felt it was your "duty" to tell the gf. Shame you didn't think about that when you was sleeping with him.
You say you didn't know about her, so you went to his house every time for sex for a year and saw no clues he had a gf.

Do yourself a favour and move on